Tech-KNOW-logy: A letter to my former high school students and my future teenage children

Dear former students and future mini-me & my-girl:

I remember a time when cell phones were the size of bricks and were scarce...like I only really saw Zack Morris from Saved by the Bell use one...

Zack Morris. Very cool (in the 90's).

I remember when a word processor was so much cooler than a type writer and I would to use it to type up my school papers.

Word processor...I can't BELIEVE I used to used these

I remember when instead of seeing people attached to their cell phones, I’d see them listening to music on their walk-mans or boom boxes or perhaps (gasp) not using any gadget while walking.

Loved walkmans..P.S. my first cassette ever was Vanilla Ice, baby.

I remember a time when I had to use a payphone to call someone (yup..don’t miss that one).

I remember when I would walk on my college campus in the late 90’s and could lock eyes with almost anyone and say hi to them because we didn’t have many hand-held distractions back then.

I remember when I was watching an episode of one of the first reality TV shows ever, called the Real World on MTV, and thought: Are there really people that stupid who would want to expose so many intimate, personal details of their lives on television?

It doesn’t seem that long ago. Ok, well maybe it's a little longer than I’d like to admit.

Of course, now we all live in one of the most cutting-edge and exciting times. You are part of an amazing generation. Your potential is limitless and your options are vast.

Never before has the world been so small. We can go on a business trip and “be home” via skype to read a bedtime story to the kiddos. We can “face time” family and friends from wherever we are in the world. 

Image credit

We can save the planet a little bit more by uploading a textbook on our phones instead of reading the real, printed version.

We can get the latest news without having to read a newspaper or turn on a TV.

We can share videos of natural disasters to learn from them and to warn those who might be in its path of destruction.

We can share do-it-yourself videos and recipes on YouTube to help others achieve similar or the same results.

So many advantages...and yet there are disadvantages, too.

When I taught you in high school, I was amazed and saddened how so many of you would write your assignments in texting language, like “UR”, “2nite”, “IMHO”, and “GR8”, instead of writing the proper word.

Some of you could text what seemed like one hundred words a minute, but couldn’t sign your names properly at the age of 17…one year away from adulthood.

A few of you could practically hack into the FBI mainframe database but couldn’t find the words to talk to that student sitting right next to you.

There were so many of you who shared way too much of your lives with people you never met before. You shared videos, posted pictures, made weird duck faces and laughed at the comments made by anonymous trolls.

Instead of watching the now numerous reality shows available, you are the star of your own reality show with just touch of a button on your phone.

Several of you could define “web words” and slang such as defrag, hot-spots, cached-out, or ping…but couldn’t explain the difference between their, they’re or there.

Image credit

Now don’t get me wrong. I’m not ragging on being tech-saavy. I love what technology does for us. I truly love how it does make the world a little smaller and how it can re-connect us with loved ones. 

I love how it allows us to take a sneak peek into the lives of people of different ethnicity, creeds, and religions, and has the potential to teach and preach tolerance and love. 

I love how I can type, better yet, speak an address into my phone and almost instantly receive driving directions to my next destination. 

I love how I can find recipes and find blog after blog written by amazing, uplifting people who help me be a better mother, wife, daughter, sister…a better me.

But there’s this nagging feeling that I have with technology and it has to do with lack of balance.

We need to balance our tech-lives with more moderation and with more wisdom. We need to be careful not to become so addicted that we lose sight of the incredible advantages our gadgets can provide.

As I sit back and think about how far we’ve come with technology, here are a few thoughts that come into my mind based on my real life experiences with observing you all . As we continue growing with our ever-changing technology, let’s KNOW how to use it:

K- Keep it real. I mean really real. Take a break from updating your Facebook status or playing one more “instance” in your role-playing game of choice and try re-connecting with your RL (real-life) friends in other ways. Call a friend on the phone to hear their voice for a change (and to have them hear yours) instead of texting. Have a face-to-face conversation with a loved one. Send a handwritten note to someone who needs it. Have meaningful family time without glancing at and worrying about your phone.

N- Say “No” to divulging too much. Technology really is a double edged sword. Due to how small the world now seems, it gives us instant accessibility to anything and everything…and anything and everything has access to us. By being prudent in what we share online, we can protect ourselves a little more from others who want to gain access to us and to the people in our lives. Limit the personal information you share. Be respectful of others and don’t share their information or pictures, either (without permission). Be safe and selective of what you share. Don’t be impulsive. You never know what will come back to haunt you 10 or 15 years from now when you’re trying to land that dream job or when your own children start to “google” your name.

O- Be open with your parents about the information coming to you via your phone (and what you’re sharing, too). A lot of kids forget that their parents care about them. Truly care and love them. One of the worst things kids do is make choices that alienate themselves from their parents and families or make choices that make their parents distrust them. When inappropriate comments, pictures or other information are coming your way, have the courage to be open with your parents. Talk to them. Also, it’s important to note that cyber-bullying is a huge threat today with real consequences for some teens and their families. Your parents can be huge components and catalysts to helping you get the negative out and the positive back into your life.  

W- Be weary of who you give your number to. This is similar to not divulging too much of your personal life with others. If you start to give your cell phone number to everyone, everyone has access to you. That means they can potentially harass you by sending pictures or messages you don’t want to see and read (until you block their number). Remember, even private texts can become public. Don’t respond to people you don’t know, either. I'm not saying never share your number with anyone...just be sensible.

If you've already made some mistakes, learn from them. Be an agent of accountability and responsibility. Act for yourself, rather than be acted upon by others. Just use that good ol' noggin and KNOW what you're getting into. 

With love,

Someone who cares: Your former teacher and...for a couple of you, your loving mom

My Phone. My Precious.

Our smart phones are the number one form of technology in our home. They sometimes become an issue. Sometimes while managing my online shop and responding to customer inquiries, I become a partial zombie to the world around me. I am more easily frustrated with my Steve when I’m busy-ing away on my phone. I get more stressed out if Jesse is doing something that would normally bug me just a little.

When I set my phone down, I’m back to “me-mode.” I am more patient, more attentive, and more involved. For this reason, I have decided to set times of the day when I check my phone. For example, I’ve considered checking my email accounts, Facebook, customer messages, and other apps first thing in the morning, during Jesse’s nap in the afternoon, and in the evening after Jesse goes to bed. Of course, there will always be exceptions. Calls are okay. Texting is to be limited. I use productivity apps throughout the day without a problem. Like checklists, reminders, and project apps.  

I don’t play any online games, on my phone, computer, or TV screen, but I do have Fisher Price Apps installed on my phone for Jesse, my 2 year old. I even have a Fisher Price monkey that comes with an iPhone box that protects the screen from the ocean of drool that constantly falls from his mouth. Steve enjoys game apps and computer games as well.

I am always weary of Jesse’s dependence on my phone to be happy. He lights up when I pull out my phone and he hears the Fisher Price start up tune begin to play. He claps enthusiastically, his smile spreads across his innocent face, and his eyes open wide in anticipation. I love to see his excitement! At the same time, I worry that he will come to heavily rely on these phone games for amusement.

Part of these feelings stem from my own nostalgia with my own experiences with education and leisure activities growing up. I loved me a good ol’ solid book! I love the touch of the pages on my fingers, the smell, and the satisfaction I feel when reading the last page. I’m often thinking, I have to read more books with Jesse! Not just at night! This requires me to sit down with him, forget about the busy world around us, and just read. It requires me to wrap my hand around his tiny hand and prompt him to point at the silly and colorful images. I need to be patient as he bangs away on the book and flips the pages prematurely. It requires me to make interesting sounds and have a luring narrative voice, otherwise he squirms in frustration. I imagine that if he could talk, he’d say “Why are we staring at this piece of board, and why are you talking so much? Hand me your iPhone and start that fun numbers game, with the colorful, moving pictures and catchy tunes!” This requires time. It requires patience. It’s a much different experience than handing him my phone. BUT! It requires togetherness. Which is what I love.

I have come to accept that education via smart phones, tablets, and computer monitors is an integrated part of our fast paced and ever changing world. I know that when Jesse goes to school, he will most likely own his own tablet and smart phone. For this reason, I set my nostalgia aside and embrace education via technology. After all, after unsuccessfully trying for months to get Jesse to point at picture in a book, he finally isolated his finger and swiped the images on my phone’s image gallery to see the next picture. I was utterly amazed. This is when the technology craze started in his little mind. The excitement. The ease. The control. The sense of achievement. He now plays his Fisher Price games while I cook dinner every evening, and all the while he looks up at me to make sure I’m watching. He looks up at me with eager eyes. I smile. I clap. I say “Wow! Good job!” He claps and smiles in satisfaction. He looks down and plays some more, pointing away. Happy as can be.

For a short while I would pull out my phone when I couldn’t get Jesse to calm down and stop crying. Then I realized that I wasn’t doing myself any favors. I realized that this sort of behavior wouldn’t stop if I gave in by rewarding him for his tantrums and bad behavior. What I do now is sit him up, distract him by bringing out a toy. I try to talk to him and be silly to make him happy. I give him a high five or tickle his feet. Then I show him my phone and ask him if he’d like to “play phone.” Only then do I allow him to play. So I try to separate the bad behavior from the fun game. It’s not always easy! Sometimes, I never get to the “play phone” part, but I have to set boundaries, right?

I haven’t successfully enforced our much needed “no technology during dinner” rule in our home, especially since we love to watch our favorite shows during dinner. We LOVE Suits, Kitchen Nightmares, and Master Chef. We are also Burn Notice fanatics. We watch our shows via a device called Roku on our TV. It’s basically internet TV, but the interface is made for easy and convenient control of all of your favorite movies and shows. It’s a small black box you attach to the back of your TV. You can load Apps onto it, like Spotify, Hulu Plus, and even games, like Angry Birds. The remote is Bluetooth and Wi-Fi enabled and works like a Wii remote when you’re playing games. You can even plug in your earphones directly into the remote if needed. If someone is noisily doing the dishes in the kitchen and you can’t hear the TV, you can just plug it in! You can also access files from your home computer and play them on your TV screen via your Roku device. I like Roku as opposed to regular cable or satellite TV because it doesn’t promote couch-potato-ing.  You know what you want to watch. You watch it. You’re done. You move with your day. Geez. I sound like I’m getting paid to talk about Roku. Sorry! I’m not. I just really like it. Either way, I’d like my family’s dinner time to be strictly personal. No phones. No TV. Just quality face time. And no, Apple’s Face-Time doesn’t count.

In our home, we embrace technology. Admittedly, it has occasionally become the source of disagreements arguments, and negativity. For this reason, I understand that boundaries must be set and every member has to be willing to stick to the rules. We can continue to search for the newest phones, the fastest internet and computers, the smoothest working tablets, the highest functioning apps, and the best gaming consoles. We just have to remember that the person in front of us is more important than the device in your hands. People matter. Love matters. Relationship growth matters. If technology is interfering with the growth of a relationship and the overall health of our family, then maybe it’s time for some boundaries and rules. If we ever find ourselves forebodingly hovered over our phone, protecting it like a paranoiac, hissing “my precious,” maybe it’s time for some outside help. An intervention, possibly? People are precious. Perhaps people may prepare you to prance away from your phone. Perchance?

What is one negative thing that technology brings to your family? Does your phone ever prevent you from staying in your “me-mode”? Have you found a solution? How about a positive thing? What are some of your favorite productivity apps or favorite family technology pastimes? We want to know about technology in your life! Comment below! I want to know! (:

 

Embrace.

Last night as we wandered Target (a favorite past time) we found ourselves in the electronic section. Brandon and I had a good laugh when Payton (4) and Derek (2) ran to the TV displays and started poking the screens as if they were touchscreens. The world they live in is amazing.

_________________

I remember in my elementary school when we received the most beautiful colored MAC computers in our library. I thought my school was so cool!

I remember not too many years ago when Microsoft announced it was making a touchscreen table. I was blown away.

__________________

Now, suddenly my children think everything is touchscreen because this is the new “norm”. And, quite frankly, I have no problem with an influx of technology in their lives. While there are pitfalls and there can be downright Evil when it comes to technology, this is our world. Technology is our world. If I don’t let my children participate (in appropriate ways) they will resent me and go behind my back.

Instead of hiding them from the evils of our day (which try as someone might, is not possible), Brandon and I choose to rear them to be aware of the bad and to cling to the good. We set limits. No phones at the dinner table. They only typically play Angry Birds when I’m making dinner or we’re at a doctor’s appointment. And if I really need them to be quiet (sounds terrible, but you moms know what I mean) and they need to be distracted for longer periods of time, I have downloaded educational apps on my tablet. We do not have smart phones yet. I try to avoid Facebook and Instagram except when sitting down to feed my baby (which at this point in my life happens a lot!). But, GASP!, we let our 4 and 2 year old hold an X-Box controller while Daddy plays non-shooting games. This is one way my boys bond together.

These are some of our “rules” but everyone, every family is different. And that is okay. Throughout my journey as a woman, and especially as a mother, I’ve learned that we can’t judge. I used to be that person who would cringe in the grocery store if I saw a kiddo playing on a Nintendo DS. And, now, I get it:

To Each Their Own.

Sometimes I am at a breaking point. Baby is screaming, groceries are melting, cart’s wheels are crap, 4 year old is whining, and my monkey of a 2 year old keeps escaping the confines of the shopping cart. I dangle my tablet in front of them and say, “Who wants to play Angry Birds?”. Immediately two of my three kids are pacified.

You do what you got to do. Set boundaries. Set limits. Set standards. Set an example. But be flexible and embrace technology! 

The Digital Double-Edged Sword

This week’s topic could not have come at a better time.  As I sit semi-barricaded in our office after having a semi-humorous/semi-serious discussion with my husband about the location of our desktop computer, I have to admit I can definitely see where people come from when discussing how technology can have serious damaging effects and over-all negative consequences on the family.

(Disclaimer: no we were not fighting- but if he wasn't so darn cute we might have.)

My husband and I have also recently debated the concept of having a screen-free day once a week where we spend as much time as possible off our phones, tablets, computers, and television as possible.  I love the idea- and in my heart of hearts I truly think it will be for the best once we get it going… but getting there is another story altogether. 

{Image Source: Here}

{Image Source: Here}

You see, Brandon and I are both technology lovers. I don’t consider myself to be a technological expert by any means- but I do consider myself fairly tech-savvy.  I may or may not have rescued no less than three laptops during pre-planning week at my school.  I feel confident in using technology as a resource in my classroom, and I’m often right alongside my students in their excitement for new technological releases.  And in my home?  Let’s just say that if we were to give away all our unnecessary pieces of technology… our home would feel very empty indeed.

{Image Source: Here }

Now that I’ve asserted my love for all things internet-compatible… I have to also add that if my iPhone were a leather couch, my butt-print would be securely indented on the center cushion for all the world to see.  I’m seriously on that beast TWENTY.FOUR.SEVEN.  Like… it’s ridiculous.  Between the regular calling and texting (regular phone stuff) it is also my Camera, GPS, Grocerylist, Recipebook, To-Do list, Family Calendar, Timer, Baby-book memory saver, Mirror, Newspaper, Game-center, Poetry notepad, Information resource, Music Player- and So. Much. More!  

(Not to mention of course Facebook, Instagram, and Pinterest. Hah)

So… with my smart-phone dependence noted, I’m unfortunately obligated to share this little gem my mom posted on her Facebook the other day.

(Please note the youtube video doesn't show on mobile devices for some reason.)

 So- Let's reflect.

How I imagine you’re “supposed” to feel watching this clip:

“Oh wow… look at all those people missing-out on life’s precious moments.  They are so busy on their phones to even notice what’s going on around them.”

How I *actually* feel watching this clip:

“Oh wow… look at that poor girl missing-out on fully enjoying/sharing/remembering life’s precious moments.  She is so busy feeling depressed and out of the loop to even enjoy what’s going on around her.”

I guess what I’m trying to say- is technology really is one of life’s sharpest double-edged swords. 

As technology grows and develops, it continues to have an everlasting impact on our daily lives- whether we want it to or not.  It gives us the opportunity to interact, learn, and share in a way that was never before possible.  It increases efficiency and accuracy.  We can communicate through texts, e-mails, phone calls, face-time, video chats, instant messaging, and so much more with all our friends and loved ones- no matter the distance.

{Image Source: Here}

Our world is shrinking daily.  We find ourselves able to reach our friends, family, and even strangers across the globe with the click of a mouse; the tap of a touch-screen. It's an AMAZING thing.  Not only does this "shrinking world" have fantastic benefits for the world of business, but it's a blessing for families too.  Deployed soldiers in foreign countries video-chatting with their sweethearts, out-of-state grandparents hearing the voice of their grandchildren, working parents receiving text-pictures of their children on their lunch breaks.

And yet- we may find ourselves becoming increasingly more distant from those closest to us physically.  I don't think the late-night (or weekend morning) home with curtains closed and family members spread sporadically throughout the house- faces illuminated with their various screens.

Check out this still-frame from one of my favorite shows "Modern Family".  Here Phil (the dad) and his three children enjoy some "quality family time" while mom is away.
Like so many other scenes in the show- we laughed at this part... because even though we feel guilty admitting it, we could relate.  And suddenly we realize we aren't alone.

In conclusion- when writing on the topic of  "technology and the family" I find myself just as "double-edged" as the sword I mentioned earlier.  I'm not entirely convinced that technology is really the biggest family-foe it's made out to be... but I do believe we have to be careful.  

I hope this image I found on google-search doesn't offend anyone; but I feel like it has a powerful message.
We can't be fooled by the "good intentions" of time-suckers like smartphones and gaming systems.  

All things in moderation.

It's so easy to slip into an internet coma.  (Wait.. how many hours have I been on Pinterest?!)
It's so easy to answer that one text (Sorry- what did you say? Someone was texting me.)
It's so easy to stay up late finishing that blog post (It has a good message- just a few more sentences!)

And while we're there...while we may be taking in so much...we're also missing things.  We need to be incredibly cautious with how we are spending our time.

{Source}

I don't want to be like the old ladies who couldn't figure out how to program their VCR- but I'm also not sure I want my tombstone to read:

"Jessica- quick-texting mother and tech-savvy wife who saw every LOLcat Meme before you did."

Our time here is precious.  There are many wonderful and worthwhile doors technology can open for us, but we need to remember that there are some equally if not more wonderful and worthwhile doors right here- in "real" life.  It's up to us to use our judgement when deciding how much tech-time is too much.


And for tonight... I think I've had enough.
Time to plug-in the iPhone to charge, and snuggle under the covers.
Tomorrow is a new day.

10 Tips for a Successful Back-to-School Week

With school around the corner for so many of us and our kids, we mamas here at TETO thought we’d share some tips to help make those first school days a success for you and your families:

1) Get back to the daily grind: We all know that a free-spirited summer can interrupt those normal routines we established during the last school year. To prepare for those upcoming (and sometimes dreaded) early school mornings once again, spend the last two weeks of the summer getting back on track…starting with their bedtime routine. By having them go to bed a little earlier, they’re bound to wake up a little more optimistic and ready for that first back-to-school morning. This goes for parents, too. When mom and dad are well-rested in the morning and feel un-rushed, it makes for a more smoothly-run home. When everyone can wake up refreshed, they can follow their morning routine even better! Jen's I heart Organizing morning routine chart is an example of a great way to get your child's morning routine up and running.

Jen's I heart Organizing Morning Routine Chart

2)  Dress for Success. The first day of school can make parents and kids anxious for many reasons: maybe your child is attending a new school, they might be nervous about meeting new teachers, a new school route, tight schedules, homework, upcoming tests, etc.  To help out with some of those pre-school jitters, let your kids choose what they want to wear the night before. If you’re really ambitious, on Sunday night, let your kids choose what they want to wear for the whole week. And if you’re even just that more amazing, encourage your kids to set aside clothing items or accessories they might need for that after-school activities like ballet class, soccer practice or swim lesson throughout the week. When they know where to find their “stuff”, you don’t have to spend so much time in the morning searching for things around the house...which can lead to frustration for both parent and child.

Image Credit: Kangaroom Joey & Jane Organizer

3)  “Bomb”-tastic backpack- Have you ever noticed how mid-way through the school year your child’s backpack looks like an explosion of papers and mess? Maybe your child has thrown his/her backpack onto the floor when they get home? Start them off right by finding realistic ways to organize their backpacks.  Some families use mudrooms to organize their children’s school belongings after they come home. Others utilize family “command centers”  in their kitchens or family rooms to keep them better organized. Their child might even have their very own folder to place school documents and homework assignments for their parents to review. Either way, ask your child for their input on how you can help them be more organized this new school year. They might have a suggestion or two!

Image credit: Lund Family Back-to School ideas

4) Back-to-school dinner. Plan a special dinner for your kids the night before school starts. Whether you go out to eat or stay at home for a cozy dinner, ask them what they would like to eat and make it a fun event for the whole family. When your kids see how excited you are for the new school year, they might even get excited, too.

5) Goals are on the menu. During that first week back-to-school, have your kids make and write down goals or draw pictures of things they want to accomplish for the new school year. Laminate the goals and use them as dinner place mats. This will act as a daily (or weekly if you don't want it to get too casual) reminder for you and your kids to know what your family and their personal goals are for the new school year. It can be as simple as “keeping my backpack organized and tidy” to a more involved goal like “getting A’s in most of my classes”. Have them write down what necessary steps need to be taken to be successful and to meet their goals.

Image Credit: Be prepared not Scared: Goals Placemat

6) Menu Planning- Let the family be involved in the weekly menu planning. With younger kids, they can choose a couple of meals they would like to eat that week. If it becomes overwhelming or difficult, make a list of breakfast, lunch and dinner options and have the kids choose from the list the meals they would like to eat. By having the kids more involved with menu planning, it takes the guessing out of “what’s for dinner, Mom/Dad?” And, you might even make some fun family memories as you cook together. You can make or buy a menu board like the one below from Robby Gurls Creations.

Image credit: Robby Gurls Creations-Menu board

 7) Family Time- With hectic new school schedules and extra- curricular after school activities, make time to unwind with your family. Reserve one night out of the week to hold a family council and to discuss important upcoming activities and put them on the calendar, family goals, lessons learned for the week, positive experiences, etc. After discussing events and important matters, make it fun by playing a short and simple game with one another. By spending quality family time together, communication lines can stay open and it can potentially help keep each other in tune with what’s important.

8)   Brain Freeze – Have you heard that summer can turn a brain to mush? It’s easy to forget lessons learned, even for adults, and even more so after after a hiatus. Even if the summer is almost over, take some time to search free online resources that will help your kids review some of the curriculum from the previous year, or pick up a couple of school workbooks to refresh those minds. Also, try getting in contact with the school administrators and teachers to see what additional information you can find about your child’s grade’s curriculum and how you can better prepare your kids for the new school year.

9)  Clean the house and stock up on supplies- A week or two before school starts, take some time to clean the house and get rid of used clothing, shoes your children have outgrown, and other school supplies. Once you can start with a clean slate, you’ll know what clothing, school or house supplies your kids really need for those first days of school.

10) Appreciate teachers- The back to school time can be nerve-racking for your child’s teacher(s), as well. Reach out to his/her teachers with a kind, uplifting email or note letting them know you are here to help and to provide additional contact information. Most teachers appreciate and even welcome open-communication with their students’ parents. Teach your kids to warmly greet and shake their teachers’ hand on the first day. First impressions from the kids and their parents can make a hug difference on that first week of school!

Image Credit:  North American Montessori Center

Here's to a wonderful new school year!

Fear of Age Three

A year from now, my little guy will have the opportunity to start school. Yes. My LITTLE BABY! I am suddenly filled with anxiety just thinking about his care and livelihood being placed at the mercy of another person’s hands. He’s just Jesse. He needs me. I understand him. Ever since we were first aware of Jesse’s challenges as a baby, he was enrolled in a government funded program for babies with developmental delays and other setbacks called Early Steps.

Early Steps services children with early intervention therapies such as physical therapy, occupational therapy, speech therapy, and early intervention (EI). In addition to these therapies, you may seek other therapies outside of Early Steps. Jesse receives the majority of his therapies through Independent Living. They’ve been amazing! Babies qualify for these services until the age of 3. At the age of 2 and 6 months, the process of transition starts. With your consent, your child referred to the Local Education Agency (LEA). Again, this is all optional! I’ll visit all of the local LEA preschool sites and other community education programs for babies with special needs. I’ll have the opportunity to observe, learn what a typical day would be like, and grill everything with a heart beat! Believe me! I’ll have a thousand questions for each and every person in these places!  Like “ Are you aware that I love my baby to death? Are you aware that I if you ever hurt him or cause him any pain in ANY way (emotional or physical), I KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE?! Really. To Death. ”

 

With that being said, here are some of my common fears:

1.        He doesn’t talk. No one will understand him.

Jesse doesn’t talk. He doesn’t use words. He knows a few signs that we’ve worked so hard to learn in the past 2 years. He signs “more,” “up,” and “all done.” If you count “peek-a-boo” as a sign, then he’s got that one mastered too. Apart from those, he’s got another extensive vocabulary of facial expressions and body language. Some are very unusual. Like when he’s pulling around on his belly, pauses and stiffens his little his left leg and it shakes a little, I know he’s excited about something. Perhaps he’s spotted a long lost toy under the couch, that only a little guy like him could spot from his world down below. I know when he’s on the verge of hunger. I know when he’s concerned or afraid. He keep his eyes fixed on my eyes, reading me, to see if I am also afraid or concerned. If I turn my head, concealing my face, he leans over and adjusts to see my expression. He relies on me to understand the world around him.

 

Solution: The most important thing to do, if this is the case your child, is to bring the necessary tools to make communication easier between him and the teacher. Your child’s teacher should be a trained professional, ready to start an individual plan for your child, but providing her with information about signs he may use or pictures that will facilitate his way of communicating, is always a great idea.I have implemented pictures into our communication. Before I feed him, I show him a picture of his food. I repeat the word “eat” as I prepare the food. I keep signing “eat” to him and encouraging him to do the same. I’ve been doing this since he first started to eat solids. He hasn’t signed it yet, but he understands SO MUCH MORE, than he can reciprocate and communicate back to you. When he’s ready for school, I’m hoping that he will have mastered his picture book and some more signs. I need to accept that his teacher will be a trained professional. I just need to provide him or her with the tools necessary to make communication easier. She will follow the individualized plan set for him daily. I intend to create a positive relationship with his teacher. I’ll ask her when is the best time and way to contact her and discuss his progress. I’ll volunteer as often as possible and become an involved mommy. In the process, I hope this will help me to alleviate some of my fears and anxiety.

 

2.        If he has a tantrum, no one will understand how to calm him down. They will lose their patience and treat him badly.

I feel irreplaceable in my Jesse’s life as I’m sure most of you do as well. Although Jesse is generally a crazy happy baby, he will occasionally be in these unexplainable moods. I have to go through a mental list of “what could be wrong with him.”

 

Solution: I will talk with the teacher about some special signs of distress that Jesse exhibits occasionally. I can help her to understand how to react and what expressions to try to avoid when he’s feeling vulnerable. I can show her toys that calm him down. I can show her how to make him feel comfortable. He likes to be held certain ways that make him feel safe and loved. I will communicate all of these things to the teacher. I might even make a “easy reference” document.

 

3.       He coughs and chokes on his food almost daily. I fear neglect.

 

I am afraid that people will under/overreact to his struggles with feeding. He doesn’t always chew his food before swallowing it. He doesn’t know how to control food properly in his mouth. He needs thickened liquids. If it’s too thick, he struggles, if it’s too thin he aspirates, which could later lead to lung infections. While eating, if he starts to gag, he can often work through it. I wait a few seconds, think about what he’s eating, see if he can figure it out, and decide whether to swipe it out or give him more time to try to chew it. I’m faced with this decision several times a day. If I ever have company over, I can see the fear come over them as they notice Jesse struggling. I often have to assure them that he’s okay. I just have to be very cautious and know when to intervene.

Solution: Communicate these concerns in detail with his teacher and other therapists present. Help them to understand that it can be very scary for him to have someone force their hand into his mouth. He often will be very emotional and hurt for up to half an hour of the experience. I just need to communicate all of the steps they can take and avoid to make his feeding experience better.

 

4.       He can’t communicate well enough to express if he’s being bullied or abused at school.

I am afraid that because of his inability to respond well to instruction, someone will lose it and hurt him.  I know that these are trained professionals, but you hear bad stories.

Solution:  Advice I’ve found helpful Pictures are very useful to address this issue. Talk to the teacher about your concerns. Request a written calendar of activities so you know what he’s supposed to be doing each day, and how to ask him simple questions about his day that he may respond to with a simple yes or no. For example, did you eat pizza today? Was it good? Pay special attention to his behavior and, if it comes up, never force your child to attend school without understanding why he doesn’t want to go.Pictures are very useful to address this issue. Talk to the teacher about your concerns. Request a written calendar of activities so you know what he’s supposed to be doing each day, and how to ask him simple questions about his day that he may respond to with a simple yes or no. For example, did you eat pizza today? Was it good? Pay special attention to his behavior and, if it comes up, never force your child to attend school without understanding why he doesn’t want to go.

Pictures are very useful to address this issue. Talk to the teacher about your concerns. Request a written calendar of activities so you know what he’s supposed to be doing each day, and how to ask him simple questions about his day that he may respond to with a simple yes or no. For example, did you eat pizza today? Was it good? Pay special attention to his behavior and, if it comes up, never force your child to attend school without understanding why he doesn’t want to go.1. Communicate my concerns with teacher.

22. Request a calendar of his daily activities so that I can know what he’s supposed to be doing throughout the day. I can then ask him simple questions about his activities that he can respond yes or no to. (We’re far away from being able to do this, but it’s my goal.)

3. Example: “Did you eat bananas today? Bananas? Good?”

3. 3. I will pay close attention to how he reacts. I will observe his expression when I ask about school and playtime. If I ever feel that he for some serious reason is afraid to keep attending school or seems unusually anxious, I will investigate myself. Great advise I found online was to “never force your child to go to school without first understanding why he or she doesn’t want to go.”

GreatGG

3. 5. Bus? He’s too young! It’s not safe!

At some point, I will have the option of allowing him to ride the school bus. I fear that it’s not safe for him. He’s too young for a school bus.

Solution: Special needs school buses are updated and made especially for children with an inability to sit up straight or control their bodies. Depending on Jesse’s height, weight, and physical and mental challenges, he will be seated in a booster seat or car seat or seated regularly using a seatbelt.  Drivers are taught to give each child the time he or she needs to get into the bus. I would imagine that they’d need to be very patient! So I will have my eye on the bus driver!  

5.       He needs to take his medications daily.

I am afraid someone will neglect to give him his medications.

Solution: If this fear continues to linger, I will make a list of medications and ask the nurse to initial each daily medication as it is administered. She may also use a calendar as a visual reminder of his medications. It will help me to feel more at ease and have a less stressful and worrisome day.

 

Overall, I just need to be open with his teacher. I need to communicate all of my concerns. I am happy to know that I have options, like what location to choose and what teachers and professionals I feel more comfortable with. It’s reassuring to know that I can let him attend his school for a little time or as much time as I feel happy with! I can take him for an hour or let him stay all day! I am pleased to know that he will interact with other kids and learn from his experiences. He will learn to deal with people. He will receive all of his normal therapies throughout the day. He will grow and I will too. That is what life is about. Growing… and knowing where his teacher lives.

The "Brian", the Snitch, and the War zone

There was something always magically delicious about a new school year for me. Every September always gave me a sense of self-renewal. I felt like giddy little Lucy Pevensie, discovering the land of Narnia once again. And like in Narnia, there were always so many different types of interesting creatures in the land of high school.  

Each new school year I would optimistically march onward with my sharpened pencils, new backpack, unblemished notebooks, pristine planner, ink-filled pens and crisp, new jeans, excited to begin a fresh, unmarred school year.

It was a beautiful September day when we returned to Narnia high school for the first week of school. Birds were still chirping their summer songs and we were being teased with sporadic days of crisper, cooler, apple-picking weather. I was 15. You know the age. You’ve probably even been there before. It was the beginning of my sophomore year of high school. The year that really mattered. And for me, this year would be marked as one I would never forget.

You see, where I grew up, sophomore year marked the beginning of the end. We would take some of our hardest classes this year in preparation for college applications and the multiple standardized tests. I was very focused on my academics, demure one would even say, as I sat in my history class pondering the upcoming events that would lead to my escape from this beloved, yet wretched high school war-zone. But then…I saw him.

Have you ever seen the Sound of Music when Maria sings at the top of the hill? This was my Maria “the-hills-are-alive-with-the-sound-of-music moment”. The moment I saw Brian. (Name has been changed to protect the innocent). My first history class crush. He sat across from me and I would intently watch as he would toss his 90’s bowl hair cut in slow motion. He played soccer. He was smart. He had a high GPA. He was cool. I mean uber-cool. Of course, he didn’t notice me. Nor did he care when I tossed my 90’s big hair right back at him (imagine Sandra Bullock's hair, like from The Net hair).

I tried to be a ninja and sit close to him. But the teacher made a seating chart. Darn! I casually raised my hand to be in the same group as him for the first history group project of the year, but in the last minute, he was assigned a different group. Yeesh.

In my attempt to vent my frustrations, I carefully tore a piece of paper out of my notebook and started to write a note to my friend to tell her about my new found crush. With hearts around his name, I quickly signed my name (with another heart, of course) and put it back into my notebook. The bell rang. I shut my notebook, shoved it into my backpack, and left for lunch.

But this was not the end of the tale.

As I plopped myself down to eat my lunch with my friends. I noticed a group of boys looking my way and laughing.

“Oh my…is that Brian?” I asked my friend.

“Yeah, he’s staring at you! Why is he staring at you?” my friend asked.

I looked down at my clothes. No mustard stains. Check.

I pulled out my mirror to look at my face. No weird lipstick stains on face or food in my teeth. Double check.

Why is he looking at me like that? Why are they ALL looking at me?

I was beginning to feel my face get flushed with embarrassment. Then, I saw the Snitch, another boy from my history class who sat close to me. He was holding a crumpled piece of paper in his sneaky little hands. I had a feeling this wasn’t going to be pretty.

“Hey, you dropped this note. But don’t worry I gave it to “Brian” for you,” he said.

A gurgling sound started to form in the back of my throat and with a ROAR as loud as Aslan the lion’s, I growled:

“You did what?!”

The snitch looked smugly at me, laughed and turned around. I wanted to turn him into stone. If I was a dragon I would breathe fire.

At this time I think one of my friends reminded me to breathe. How could this happen? All I wanted to do was scream…and then cry. As composed as possible, I looked around at the high school war zone and felt a sense annoyance I had never felt before. I looked at the school’s Welcome back to school sign. Another lovely start to the school year, I thought.

As I think back to those memories, I have to laugh. Memories like those make up the story of a life well-lived and full of character-building experiences. Someday I’m sure my girls will have similar (although, hopefully not too similar) experiences. And hopefully they will have the wisdom to laugh at themselves and know that with every brand new beginning to each school year they are in control of how their story unravels. I hope I can teach them that as they look back at the denouement of their new school year experiences, they can enjoy the rising and the falling parts of every year and learn from them.