Fear of Age Three

A year from now, my little guy will have the opportunity to start school. Yes. My LITTLE BABY! I am suddenly filled with anxiety just thinking about his care and livelihood being placed at the mercy of another person’s hands. He’s just Jesse. He needs me. I understand him. Ever since we were first aware of Jesse’s challenges as a baby, he was enrolled in a government funded program for babies with developmental delays and other setbacks called Early Steps.

Early Steps services children with early intervention therapies such as physical therapy, occupational therapy, speech therapy, and early intervention (EI). In addition to these therapies, you may seek other therapies outside of Early Steps. Jesse receives the majority of his therapies through Independent Living. They’ve been amazing! Babies qualify for these services until the age of 3. At the age of 2 and 6 months, the process of transition starts. With your consent, your child referred to the Local Education Agency (LEA). Again, this is all optional! I’ll visit all of the local LEA preschool sites and other community education programs for babies with special needs. I’ll have the opportunity to observe, learn what a typical day would be like, and grill everything with a heart beat! Believe me! I’ll have a thousand questions for each and every person in these places!  Like “ Are you aware that I love my baby to death? Are you aware that I if you ever hurt him or cause him any pain in ANY way (emotional or physical), I KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE?! Really. To Death. ”

 

With that being said, here are some of my common fears:

1.        He doesn’t talk. No one will understand him.

Jesse doesn’t talk. He doesn’t use words. He knows a few signs that we’ve worked so hard to learn in the past 2 years. He signs “more,” “up,” and “all done.” If you count “peek-a-boo” as a sign, then he’s got that one mastered too. Apart from those, he’s got another extensive vocabulary of facial expressions and body language. Some are very unusual. Like when he’s pulling around on his belly, pauses and stiffens his little his left leg and it shakes a little, I know he’s excited about something. Perhaps he’s spotted a long lost toy under the couch, that only a little guy like him could spot from his world down below. I know when he’s on the verge of hunger. I know when he’s concerned or afraid. He keep his eyes fixed on my eyes, reading me, to see if I am also afraid or concerned. If I turn my head, concealing my face, he leans over and adjusts to see my expression. He relies on me to understand the world around him.

 

Solution: The most important thing to do, if this is the case your child, is to bring the necessary tools to make communication easier between him and the teacher. Your child’s teacher should be a trained professional, ready to start an individual plan for your child, but providing her with information about signs he may use or pictures that will facilitate his way of communicating, is always a great idea.I have implemented pictures into our communication. Before I feed him, I show him a picture of his food. I repeat the word “eat” as I prepare the food. I keep signing “eat” to him and encouraging him to do the same. I’ve been doing this since he first started to eat solids. He hasn’t signed it yet, but he understands SO MUCH MORE, than he can reciprocate and communicate back to you. When he’s ready for school, I’m hoping that he will have mastered his picture book and some more signs. I need to accept that his teacher will be a trained professional. I just need to provide him or her with the tools necessary to make communication easier. She will follow the individualized plan set for him daily. I intend to create a positive relationship with his teacher. I’ll ask her when is the best time and way to contact her and discuss his progress. I’ll volunteer as often as possible and become an involved mommy. In the process, I hope this will help me to alleviate some of my fears and anxiety.

 

2.        If he has a tantrum, no one will understand how to calm him down. They will lose their patience and treat him badly.

I feel irreplaceable in my Jesse’s life as I’m sure most of you do as well. Although Jesse is generally a crazy happy baby, he will occasionally be in these unexplainable moods. I have to go through a mental list of “what could be wrong with him.”

 

Solution: I will talk with the teacher about some special signs of distress that Jesse exhibits occasionally. I can help her to understand how to react and what expressions to try to avoid when he’s feeling vulnerable. I can show her toys that calm him down. I can show her how to make him feel comfortable. He likes to be held certain ways that make him feel safe and loved. I will communicate all of these things to the teacher. I might even make a “easy reference” document.

 

3.       He coughs and chokes on his food almost daily. I fear neglect.

 

I am afraid that people will under/overreact to his struggles with feeding. He doesn’t always chew his food before swallowing it. He doesn’t know how to control food properly in his mouth. He needs thickened liquids. If it’s too thick, he struggles, if it’s too thin he aspirates, which could later lead to lung infections. While eating, if he starts to gag, he can often work through it. I wait a few seconds, think about what he’s eating, see if he can figure it out, and decide whether to swipe it out or give him more time to try to chew it. I’m faced with this decision several times a day. If I ever have company over, I can see the fear come over them as they notice Jesse struggling. I often have to assure them that he’s okay. I just have to be very cautious and know when to intervene.

Solution: Communicate these concerns in detail with his teacher and other therapists present. Help them to understand that it can be very scary for him to have someone force their hand into his mouth. He often will be very emotional and hurt for up to half an hour of the experience. I just need to communicate all of the steps they can take and avoid to make his feeding experience better.

 

4.       He can’t communicate well enough to express if he’s being bullied or abused at school.

I am afraid that because of his inability to respond well to instruction, someone will lose it and hurt him.  I know that these are trained professionals, but you hear bad stories.

Solution:  Advice I’ve found helpful Pictures are very useful to address this issue. Talk to the teacher about your concerns. Request a written calendar of activities so you know what he’s supposed to be doing each day, and how to ask him simple questions about his day that he may respond to with a simple yes or no. For example, did you eat pizza today? Was it good? Pay special attention to his behavior and, if it comes up, never force your child to attend school without understanding why he doesn’t want to go.Pictures are very useful to address this issue. Talk to the teacher about your concerns. Request a written calendar of activities so you know what he’s supposed to be doing each day, and how to ask him simple questions about his day that he may respond to with a simple yes or no. For example, did you eat pizza today? Was it good? Pay special attention to his behavior and, if it comes up, never force your child to attend school without understanding why he doesn’t want to go.

Pictures are very useful to address this issue. Talk to the teacher about your concerns. Request a written calendar of activities so you know what he’s supposed to be doing each day, and how to ask him simple questions about his day that he may respond to with a simple yes or no. For example, did you eat pizza today? Was it good? Pay special attention to his behavior and, if it comes up, never force your child to attend school without understanding why he doesn’t want to go.1. Communicate my concerns with teacher.

22. Request a calendar of his daily activities so that I can know what he’s supposed to be doing throughout the day. I can then ask him simple questions about his activities that he can respond yes or no to. (We’re far away from being able to do this, but it’s my goal.)

3. Example: “Did you eat bananas today? Bananas? Good?”

3. 3. I will pay close attention to how he reacts. I will observe his expression when I ask about school and playtime. If I ever feel that he for some serious reason is afraid to keep attending school or seems unusually anxious, I will investigate myself. Great advise I found online was to “never force your child to go to school without first understanding why he or she doesn’t want to go.”

GreatGG

3. 5. Bus? He’s too young! It’s not safe!

At some point, I will have the option of allowing him to ride the school bus. I fear that it’s not safe for him. He’s too young for a school bus.

Solution: Special needs school buses are updated and made especially for children with an inability to sit up straight or control their bodies. Depending on Jesse’s height, weight, and physical and mental challenges, he will be seated in a booster seat or car seat or seated regularly using a seatbelt.  Drivers are taught to give each child the time he or she needs to get into the bus. I would imagine that they’d need to be very patient! So I will have my eye on the bus driver!  

5.       He needs to take his medications daily.

I am afraid someone will neglect to give him his medications.

Solution: If this fear continues to linger, I will make a list of medications and ask the nurse to initial each daily medication as it is administered. She may also use a calendar as a visual reminder of his medications. It will help me to feel more at ease and have a less stressful and worrisome day.

 

Overall, I just need to be open with his teacher. I need to communicate all of my concerns. I am happy to know that I have options, like what location to choose and what teachers and professionals I feel more comfortable with. It’s reassuring to know that I can let him attend his school for a little time or as much time as I feel happy with! I can take him for an hour or let him stay all day! I am pleased to know that he will interact with other kids and learn from his experiences. He will learn to deal with people. He will receive all of his normal therapies throughout the day. He will grow and I will too. That is what life is about. Growing… and knowing where his teacher lives.