Au Naturale

This post was written (on my personal blog) a few hours after our sweet Aaron's birth in March. 

Enjoy!

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It’s 4:30 in the morning, just a little over 3 hours since our sweet Aaron was born. I can’t sleep, even though he is peacefully sleeping on one side of me while Brandon rests on the other.

My mind is filled with so many thoughts, and I just might burst if I don’t write them down right now.

I feel such peace, relief, and amazement at what has transpired in the last eight hours. I did it. I gave birth “naturally”. It was SO painful! But it was also incredibly fast and I am already recovering far quicker than I ever have. I went from 6cm to 10cm in less than 20 minutes, and I barely made it into the bed before our baby came out. My doctor didn’t even make it to the delivery! I had the most wonderful nurse, though, who encouraged me the whole time.

More so, though, I had Brandon. He was my rock. I will forever be grateful that I have someone with whom I can trust so much and who loves me so much. In the moment, things were tough and at the end I was literally screaming in agony, but he kept calm; he believed in me. I think he also realized that this was moving far quicker than I realized, so he was able to be hopeful.

Tonight was a sacred experience. I felt things I never knew I could feel. I did things I never do I could do. I was so that lady that yelled like a primate and stood naked with no thought about who walked in the room.

such RELIEF when he was delivered!

The night started when my water broke, as a big gush, at around 9:15pm. Brandon was at school but immediately left class when I emailed him. My surrogate mom here in Texas came over to stay the night with Payton and Derek. We arrived at the hospital around 11pm, and tiny Aaron was born at 1:05am weighing 5 lbs 12 oz, and he was 19 inches long.

While I waited for Brandon to come home I started contracting every 6-8 minutes. They hurt but weren’t bad at all. By the time we got to the hospital I was 4cm and contracting every 4-5 minutes. Still the pain was manageable. However, the room with the birthing tub was being used!  Best laid plans… The moment that I learned this I started doubting my ability to proceed with a natural birth, but decided to just see how the night went. My hope was that it would be a fast delivery and I simply wouldn’t have a choice. (My other two births were complete with epidurals).

I got my wish.

I first began by walking, but as I found myself squatting in random hallways with each contraction I decided it was time to move to my room. From there, I tried a birthing ball—which helped a lot. But for only a little bit before I told Brandon I needed the nurse to check me now because the pain had intensified so much. I felt like my hips were being pried apart violently. It was the most insane, intense, overwhelming feeling. I couldn’t help but constantly bear down with each contraction, and I found it best when Brandon rubbed my upper back to give me something else (a different sensation) to focus on. Regardless, things were getting intense.

My nurse checked me and I was only at 6cm! What?! I thought for sure I was closer. She recommended though, based on my pain level, that I get in the shower. Sweet blessing! The shower had a chair and multiple jets that we were able to spray directly on my hips. The next few contractions were so much better and, for a moment, I thought “if I can just labor the rest of the way in the shower I will be okay.”

However, the contractions ended up intensifying to in an indescribable level. I started moaning a lot. And then I was yelling. I got nauseous. I was shaking. I was transitioning.

I begged Brandon to tell them I wanted an epidural but I was told it was too late for any sort of pain meds. For a moment, that thought sent me into a panic, but before I could even comprehend the fact that there was no going back, contraction after contraction was taking place. At one point I stood up in the shower and yelled “he is coming!”. Two nurses and my husband were then helping me out of the shower, towel drying me and telling me I had to get into bed ASAP. Honestly, I couldn’t understand their rush—even if I had just yelled at them! My doctor wasn’t even at the hospital yet, and I wasn’t allowing myself to hope that it would all soon be over.

It just hurt so badly. I kept trying to breathe, to look Brandon in the eye, but all I could think about was the fact that I literally felt like I had an elephant sitting on my hips and I was going to break in half. It did not feel good! Before I could even make it into the bed I was pushing…and peeing and bleeding {and, ahem, possibly pooping--labor is gross} all over the floor and Brandon’s shoes. Poor guy! Nurses were scrambling and everything was a blur, but I clearly remember being told Aaron's heartbeat had dropped with the last contraction. He needed out!

I finally was able to get in the bed, which ticked me off. It hurt to lay down. And I was yelling. Boy was I yelling. My body took over and there was nothing I could do but surrender to the urges to push. Within a moment (maybe only two pushes) my nurse delivered my baby, and he was placed on my chest.

He was so, so tiny. Smaller than my other babies. He also smelled so sweet. Breath of Heaven. I was able to have skin to skin right away, which I have never had with my other boys. It was priceless. All the nurses were cheering, and Brandon just kept telling me "You did it!!!" I would say, "No, WE did it!" But he refused to take any credit. I couldn't have done this without him though. Seriously, I am so in love with my husband. 

Immediately I knew his name was Aaron. It is the name I’ve loved my whole pregnancy, a name I’ve studied and pondered greatly. I softly whispered his name to him, felt him pee on my belly, kept thinking “your brothers are going to love you”, and just enjoyed the moment while I delivered the placenta.

He is a miniature version of his brothers, with the same nose and lips. But he has brown hair. I’d been telling Brandon it was time I got a brown haired baby! He squeaks constantly and is just so sweet and tender.

I am in love. In love with Brandon. In love with Aaron. In love with my Father in Heaven.

I did it. I delivered naturally. But I didn’t do it alone. The forces of nature—of God—assisted, as did my wonderful husband and nurse. I am grateful for this night.