Modesty & Me

I admit I don't know what to say about this topic. I was raised in an LDS home, where discussing modesty was very common, my parents had four daughters and wanted to make sure we knew how to dress appropriately. It's common knowledge that Mormons tend to cover more of their bodies than others, and since that's what makes them happy I think it's great. Heck I think women who wear a Hijab are fantastic if it's what they want to do.

In High school I started to pull away from the church for many different and very personal reasons, I'm now no longer active in the LDS faith. That brought on it's own set of troubles and still does at times. When I would go home to visit family I'd throw on a tank top like I usually do just to second guess myself "I have a baby now, I'm married, should I be showing my shoulders? Will my neighbors from church think less of me? Will it bug my family?" I never had these thoughts when I was in my own home around friends that weren't raised the way I was. But in Utah visiting family I was afraid of them judging me. Nothing is worse than the people whose opinion matters the most to you saying you're doing something wrong. In Kansas I would go to the pool with my daughter in a Bikini because it made me happy, I was comfortable wearing a two piece. Did I care what other men thought? No. I wasn't doing it for attention, I was doing it because it made me feel good about myself, it was comfortable and in my opinion not immodest in any way. What I wore was nobody's business but mine. Well, as long as it covered the essentials and didn't get me arrested! Ha ha. Yet, when I got home to put up pictures of things we'd been doing that summer, I hesitated. I picked through the pictures, not wanting to post any of me in a bikini because that wasn't "right". 

Nobody should feel judged for the way they want to dress themselves. In my opinion Modesty is more about culture. In the LDS culture I was taught revealing the stomach is frowned upon. Much like revealing the face is frowned upon among Muslims. It's cultural, religious, and personal.

As the mother of two daughters I do want to be a good example, and I don't want my girls leaving the house in clothes that barely cover them. I will teach them to respect themselves, but I will also teach them to be true to themselves and not worry about others opinions. I went through a phase as a teenager where I was trying to figure out who I was, a big part of that was the way I dressed myself. I would go get my hair done, maybe throw in some pink because I thought it was cute. I felt happy as I left the salon, I loved my new hair. But there were people who would judge anyone that didn't fit the mold of how they thought people should dress, and it was hard. I don't want my girls to ever feel that way. I don't want them to care so much about what other people think that it completely changes their opinions of themselves. I want them to be confident and know that the way they dress doesn't change who they are.

I guess the bottom line when it comes to modesty for me is dress in a way you're comfortable, dress in a way that makes you feel as though you are respecting your body. And don't be ashamed of it. Eventually I decided to stop worrying about offending others. I'm not a bad person because I choose to dress the way I do, just as someone else isn't weird for choosing to wear as much as a long sleeved full length scuba suit to the beach if they want. I say do what makes you feel good about yourself. I can't describe the sense of freedom I felt when I decided to let go of all those worries and just be me. And guess what? My family didn't care, my friends don't like me any less. Just be you and stop hiding behind what you think society, family and friends think you should be.