God Given

Preface:  my husband read this before it posted and said it was extremely serious, more like a sermon than anything else. To that I say:  this is a hard topic for me and the only way I've found any sort of peace is through God.

Amen and Amen.

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The other day I was gutting my walk-in closet to create a makeshift room for my 4 month old. While rummaging through boxes I came across a journal from my sophomore year of high school. In it I wrote that I was “15 years old, 5 foot 1 inches tall, and 105 lbs”.

Holy cow. Well, not cow. Holy Stick.

I am still 5’1”, but I am no longer 15 and I am definitely no longer 105 lbs.

It’s hard, at times, to not beat myself up over this fact. I know I’ve had three babies, love to cook, and have dealt with thyroid (which controls metabolism) cancer. But I, like so many other women, fight my body.

I want to please God. I want to “glorify God in (my) body” (1 Corinthians 6:19-20).  But I want to feel attractive, and the world has taught me that the more skin I show the more beautiful I will be.  Thus, there are these internal battles in my head. There have been times where I forget that my body is sacred, that it is a gift from God. God’s spirit inside of me whispers you are enough but the world yells change this, pluck that, wax here, tighten there.

I’d like to say I have this whole body image, modesty topic figured out. But motherhood? Well, it changed my body and I have since had to try and accept these changes:

Expanded hips because I vaginally birthed three beautiful boys.

Wilted breasts because I nursed two babies.

Flabby mid-section because I now really need chocolate

Let’s take a moment, though, and answer the question, “How has motherhood positively affected my body?”

Wide hips for my babies to sit on

Strong arms from toting a car seat every where

Toned legs from squatting to pick up things while baby wearing

Happier stomach as I actually pay attention to what goes into my mouth and my children’s

Bridled tongue—well, at least I try for it to be

Quick reflexes that snatch little hands as they try to run into parking lots

Bigger heart that bursts each day when watching my children play

Increased stamina. Who knew you could survive on 3 hours of nonconsecutive sleep?

Better nose. Yeah, I can so tell who’s poopy just by their individual smell.

Our sense of self is what we make it—what we dwell on, what we tell ourselves over and over. I pray as women that we remember the positives more than the negatives.

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When it comes to modesty two questions have been lingering in my mind the past few months:

1.       Why do so many women feel the need to flaunt their bodies?

2.       Where is the “line” between dressing appropriately and not being responsible for other’s sinful thoughts?

To answer the first, I think our culture has taught us that the more skin we show the more beautiful we will be.  This makes me mad.

I know a woman who struggles to see her beauty and to accept herself. Her heart is so tender that she believes her husband (who is a great, God-fearing man) will one day leave her because she does not look like a supermodel.  She also feels she needs to dress revealingly so that her husband will only be enticed by her. This husband does not support these claims (or so she’s told me) saying that he loves her for her whether or not she has small boobs, big boobs, a six pack or a muffin top.

I pray that with time and therapy this friend will overcome these feelings of self-loathing. I pray that she will realize that God made her body. It is perfectly His. Whether a woman is 5’1” or 6’1”, big booty-ed or small booty-ed, she was formed by and loved by God:

“The Lord (hath) made thee, and formed thee from the womb” Isaiah 44:2 

“Before I formed thee in the belly I knew thee; and before thou camest forth out of the womb I sanctified thee” Jeremiah 1:5

Next, where is the line between dressing appropriately and not being responsible for other’s thoughts? Growing up I was taught that I needed to be a good Christian girl and keep myself covered as not to cause sinful thoughts in the opposite sex.

What a heavy, wrong burden to bear.

Other’s thoughts are not my responsibility. I choose what thoughts I let linger in my mind.

HOWEVER, there are woman—my former self included—who have pulled up that skirt and lowered that neck line for the simple fact of tryingto get attention. Woman can and sometimes do intend to entice men. (Potiphar’s wife anyone?) If this is a woman’s state of mind then I believe that she is making a “poor choice” (as my 4 year old calls wrong decisions). Short skirts aren’t necessarily wrong. But the thought behind them can be. And that is where a woman’s responsibility lies:  her motives.

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When this life is said and done I do not believe God is going to ask me if my inseam was 3 inches or 12. I do not believe He’s going to inquire about the sleeve length of my senior prom dress. He is going to look at my heart. He is going to ask if I accepted, respected, and loved the body He gave me. I hope when that time comes I can, with assuredly, say “yes”.