Putting My Best Foot Forward

A much newer version of my shoes.

There is a special pair of shoes in my closet right now. They fit me well. I’ve had them for about 13 years.  I can’t bear to part with them although I do not wear them very often anymore. I’ve worn them on sunny days, rainy days, snowy days…many days. I’ve walked miles and miles in them…and yes, even uphill, in the snow. And up until a short time ago, I never thought about how they really looked after years of wear. To me, they still seemed to be in pretty good shape.

A few years ago, I wore them while I was pregnant with Mini-me and teaching five periods of high school Spanish. I jumped up and down in them while trying to get my teenage students’ attention. I stomped my feet in them. Heck, I played hop scotch and double dutch in them. Then one day, a couple of my wonderful students scoffed at my shoes. “Why do you wear those ugly, old shoes, Mrs. K.”?  one student asked me. “They’re frumpy and out of style”, another lovely and of course, ever tactful student replied. I smirked at the thought of my teenage students giving me fashion tips. We all laughed together. “I like them! I feel comfortable in them. They keep my toes warm and I can walk forever in them…now, tell me to ‘get rid of the shoes’ in Spanish and I’ll consider it”, I replied.

They never could say it right…and I still have my shoes. Heh heh.

Usually I used to take my students’ comments in stride. I mean hello, I used to teach 14-18 year olds for a living. But later on, I began to think about the way I dress and about the topic of modesty in general. A few thought-provoking questions came into my mind: Do I wear some types of clothing based on my need to belong and be accepted, to show my wealth or social status, or to just show off my individual style? Do we as a society feel the pressure to wear what we wear out of obligatory reasons or for other reasons? How does what I wear influence my self-image?

In an ever-changing society, it’s hard to ascertain what modest dress is and what it is not. Culturally, there are differences based on where one lives, too. For example, in certain beaches in France, it’s ok to sunbathe topless, while in other places like the Middle East or some parts of India, women wear thick, black burkas to follow the law of purdah, (or veiling) and to show modesty and respect for themselves and others.

Then here, in the good ole Us of A, there is the controversial brouhaha towards some women who choose to publicly, but discreetly breastfeed their babies, while others who mock this practice wear low-cut shirts donning cleavage from their latest breast implants. Hmm...maybe I’ll leave that zinger of a post for another day.

Megan Fox. Pretty Foxie, eh?

Being bombarded left and right with television commercials, movies, and magazines filled with the untouchable Megan Foxes or Angelina Jolies of the world makes defining modesty and painting a "realistic" picture of self-image a little more difficult, too. Sometimes it seems, according to society, to be a “successful” woman you need to look like Eva Longoria, have the brains of a CEO like Hewlett-Packard’s Meg Whitman, and be uber-funny like Tina Fey. There’s always someone else we can compare ourselves to. Whether it's due to the drowning effects of the media or these preconceived notions of what we should be or look like, young girls and women can feel the pressure of just not measuring up. I was once that girl.

Until I became a mother.

Me and Mini-me

After my first child was born, I began to look at my body and my mind in wonder at the incredible accomplishments I had achieved. And let me also set the record straight: Becoming a mom didn’t magically bibbidi-bobbidy-boo away all of the indoctrinating pre-conceptions of what my body should look like. (You mean, my belly doesn’t go back to normal immediately right after birth? Will this saggy skin get better? Where did those stretch marks come from? Yes, those questions). However, watching my body go through pregnancies and births has given me a newer, brighter, and better perception of what we as women can accomplish and the importance of revering our beautiful selves. Becoming a mom to my sweet girls, has impelled me to further study the topic of dressing modestly and how to have a healthier self-image, too. And I hope I can share with them some important truths I’ve found thus far:

First, our bodies are sacred gifts. As a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (Mormon) I believe that we are created in the image of our loving Heavenly Father and He has given us our bodies as sacred gifts. Because of this vital knowledge, I want to protect my body. I believe the way I dress is one way I can show gratitude and reverence for it. Hey, even some cars have front-end bras to protect from the road debris and bugs. We protect our cars, why wouldn’t we do a better job at covering our bodies and protecting them from the worldly, harmful elements?

A car-bra!

Second, How I dress can influence thoughts. Someone once told me that what we wear can put thoughts (whether good or not) into people’s heads. I disagree and agree. I think it’s a matter of wording for me. While we can’t control what kinds of thoughts enter into people's minds and technically what they think about is not our fault, what we do, say, and what we wear can have an influence on ourselves and others. That’s why wearing provocative clothing provokes, or stirs up, purposefully, as wise, old Mr. Webster stated. I once heard the example: Imagine you are watching a play and the lead actor comes out wearing a clown costume, even though he starts playing the serious part of the lead.This would confuse the audience as to what is the actor’s agenda and role.

I might add, dressed like a clown, I’m most likely going to act like one, too. I also believe that the way I dress influences my own thoughts. If I am dressing modestly, I feel more confident, my self-worth increases and I respect myself more.

Third, Modesty is Freedom. I recently read that one of the definitions of modesty is “freedom from conceit or vanity”. I think that's pretty cool. For me, dressing modestly is something that I choose to do and it frees me from dressing the way media portrays I have to. I have the freedom to choose what I want to wear based on how I view myself and how I want to be perceived by others. We actually all have this freedom, regardless of what we wear. However, by choosing to dress modestly, I feel that I am investing in my confidence and am placing value on who I am, rather than to perpetuate that my value depends solely on my appeal.

Ultimately, I hope I can teach my girls to be confident as they walk in their own shoes. Learning to love oneself and have confidence is a challenge. I’ve learned that placing one foot in front of the other is sometimes all that matters when on the path to becoming a better, more spiffy, and more confident me. And if all else fails and the self-doubt monster creeps in from time to time, I just give in and heck, buy the new shoes. Shoe retail therapy works, too. At least they don’t ever have to go over my hips.