Another Useless Blog Post

Do you remember when blogging was new and you were considered pretty impressive if you had one? At that point in time, blogs were used for one of two purposes; to connect with people and keep them updated on your family life or to share knowledge of something, i.e. cooking, home improvement, business, etc.

Then something happened and blogging became a trend. And trends, in my humble opinion, have a crappy way of turning things that are awesome into a giant old pain in the neck.

For example, now that blogging is a trend, there is a tremendous pressure on blog authors. You can't just sit down and write any old thought that comes into your head. No, no. It has to be epic. You want to go viral. What I want to know is who in the blue blazes thought that "going viral" was the right term for this phenom? Let me tell you what I think of when I hear the word, "viral". I think of puke and fevers and rashes and the black plague and zombies (the flesh-eating kind, not the cute love-restored-my-soul kind from "Warm Bodies"). So it would be like saying to someone, "Hey, what you said inspired me so much...I think it deserves a puke bucket, some clorox and a pair of finely constructed rubber gloves."

Nasty name aside, going "viral", can be summed up in one big fun-sucking word...pressure. People feel pressure to write that awesome blog post that everyone has to read and like and share and tweet and squeak and whatever the heck else people do with blogs now.

As human beings, we have an innate desire to impart something of ourselves and give to the masses. We want to feel like we have a piece in this giant jigsaw puzzle of life. I think this is especially true for stay-at-home mothers, whose roll in society is generally more restricted and often difficult to navigate. I think this is why many blogs began with, and are penned by, mothers. And I get that. We all have something to share and we all want to feel like what we share matters to someone, anyone. A dear friend (and coincidentally one of my favorite blogging moms) once told me that she felt like blogging gave her a sense of camaraderie with other moms. It made her feel connected to the outside world in a way that can sometimes be difficult to do in other ways. I whole-heartedly agree.

But we've created a bit of a monster.

Because now we are all stressed out and nervous. We can't write unless we know it will be good and it isn't good unless it gets shared and goes zombie and everyone is posting it on their tweeting-face-news-feed. And when it doesn't happen that way, we have surely failed and what we say is, as we suspected all along, not really that important. Thus the initial intention of blogging, to share something that we have inside us, is now biting us on the nose and keeping us cowering behind our keyboards, afraid that what we say isn't worthy.

Not only do we have to have a stellar, awe-inspiring blog post, we also need two titles. Have you noticed that? It's not just, "Public Toilets" anymore. It's "Public Toilets: Why I Will Never Walk into a Public Restroom and Have My Eyes Rest upon a Public Pee-Splattered Porcelain Menace to Society Again". As if naming a blog post isn't hard enough already...now I have to come up with a title and an accompanying catch phrase. Smack my head. (That's right, I wrote it out instead of using the abbreviated form...take that trend setters).

And as if that's not discouragement enough, we have entire blog posts floating around dedicated to the decomposition and mockery of other blog posts. It's like blogging snipers. They hide and wait. I swear, I think they float around cyber space waiting for a victim. Instead of taking a few minutes to stop and actually use that lump of zombie chow on our heads, we jump in like a pack of wolves ready to rip each other's work to shreds in hope that it will thrust us into the viral lime-light. Never mind that every single person who sits down to write anything has, at the very least, a beating heart and a head full of thoughts, experiences and reasons, and that freaking irresistible urge to share it with someone in this universe. We don't think about that anymore. Because blogging isn't really about sharing anymore. It's about popularity.

Maybe it's just my inner-outcast shining through, but I have a beef with popularity.

My grandmother used to say that we should be educated for the sake of education. To learn, to grow, to expand our mind and our beliefs and our capacity. The part of me that shares her genetic code beckons me to write for the sake of writing. For the sole purpose of taking something that is inside me and giving it away because it does matter and it is worth it. And it's not about going viral or having crafty titles or being that blog that helps someone finally realize that they actually want children, or want to become a chef or finally unlocks the secret to removing supposedly washable marker from any body part (but seriously, does anyone know how to do that, because I would like to read a blog post about that).

It's about being another tree in the forest, another star in the sky, another fish in the sea, another stupid blog post...and being completely okay with that.

Working on Staying at Home- Guest Post by Robyn

" Stay at home mom. "

          For some, this term brings up feelings of guilt at having to be a working mom, for others it may bring up feelings of confusion as to how someone could “sit at home” all the time, and for yet others it is simply the term used to describe what they are. 

The decision on whether to be a stay at home mom or a working mom is a very difficult one to make. No matter which decision you choose to make, there are judgments cast against you. Working moms are criticized for not being around to raise their children, for not being home enough. People say things like, “I don't know how you do it.” or “How could you leave your baby?” Stay at home moms are criticized for not helping to provide for their families and for sitting around all day doing nothing. People question how you don't get bored or joke about how nice it must be to have so much free time. The truth is, there are sacrifices to be made in either decision, and they are sometimes very hard ones to make.

            When I had my first son, there was no question; I was staying home with him for as long as I could. I stayed with him for nineteen exhausting and amazing months. It was a very tight, difficult time for my family, but I absolutely cherish every second I was able to spend with him, and in many ways they were the best nineteen months of my life. My son and I bonded in such a special way that I just don't think would have been possible had I spent all of those days at work rather than with him. Sometime towards the end of those months, though, my husband and I decided it would be best for everyone if I went back to work. We wanted to buy a house, so the money would be nice, and I needed to do something “useful” for my own sense of self worth. Going back to work was one of the hardest things I have ever done. I cried for weeks beforehand, and every time I dropped my son off to daycare for almost a year. I felt so guilty that I was spending more time at work than with my child and that someone else was essentially raising my child instead of me. Every bad habit that was brought home from daycare, and every new thing he learned was a reminder that someone else had more influence on him than I did.

           Shortly after I started working, my husband and I got pregnant with our second child. I was so excited, but with that also came the dread of telling the superiors at my job. Being a teacher to middle school children, I did not have the pleasure of hiding my pregnancy or breaking the news in my own way. My students were kind enough to call me out in class one day, something along the lines of, “Are you pregnant? You used to be really skinny and now you're not.” Thanks so much for noticing. By the way, I was only about eight weeks along. Fortunately, a lot of teachers are women so schools seem to be pretty understanding and accepting of pregnancies. It wasn't very long before the gossip started, though. While walking through the office one day, I overheard two coworkers talking about me and how they were certain I wouldn't come back to work after the baby was born, saying, “It must be nice to have money like that, wish I could just stay home”. This sort of judgment has never made sense to me. Lets face it, unless you are in someone's everyday life, you have no idea what their finances are or what sacrifices might be being made to make something happen.

            My second son was born in September. I stayed home for 8 weeks, though I received some grief for that from a few coworkers, including an email that was highlighted and done in bold stating the average maternity leave is only 6 weeks. I knew before he was born that I wanted to stay home with him for at least his first year. For various reasons, I returned to work after my 8 weeks off, with the intent of only staying for 5 weeks. I enjoy my job, but I enjoy being a mom more. I have come to the conclusion that it is impossible to give your all to both your job and your children. In the end, one or both ends up suffering. The hardest part about my decision to once again be a stay at home mom, was giving my resignation.

            I don't care how old you are, the principal is scary. Having only worked at my school for a little over a year, I did not know my principal well, other than that she did not go out of her way to talk to me, and she made me nervous any time she did. I decided the best thing for my nerves would be to send a resignation letter via email. Call me a coward if you like, but it was much easier that way. Much to my surprise, my principal was not only very understanding of my decision, but during one conversation she told me that in twenty years I will look back and know that I made the right decision. In another conversation she suggested that I could return to my job when my kids were in school, and in yet another she told me I was welcome back any time I like and asked if I would be willing to substitute once in a while.

            It has been three weeks since my return to stay at home mom status, and in so many ways it is different than the first time I held that title. I do not get to spend hours just gazing upon the face of my little baby, and I do not get to spend all day laughing and playing with my little boy. Life with two children is a little more chaotic than with just one. But it is also that much more beautiful. I have the pleasure of watching my boys interact, which can be one of the most heart wrenching, amazing things I have ever seen. I get to watch my sons grow and learn each and every day. I really don't believe a day goes by that I am not amazed by my toddlers intelligence, compassion, sense of humor, and imagination. The baby gets bigger by the minute I think, and is learning and talking and becoming his own little person as well.

            While I am sure at some point, perhaps even multiple times, during my time as a stay at home mom, I will feel unappreciated or useless or invaluable. See, we as moms are very hard on ourselves over everything. I am not sure that we can help it. As I have felt in the past, I am sure I will have pangs of guilt when I am spending money that I did not earn, or doing something fun with the kids while my husband is at work. Then I will remind myself, or likely my husband will remind me, that I am valuable and I do have a purpose and my job is important.

Mom Confessions- "I will NEVER"

^That picture was taken before I had kids. (See how cool I was?)  Before I had any clue about what my body, mind, emotions, and very soul was about to go through as I made the transition from girl to mother.

With the new year starting, my Facebook and Pinterest feeds have flooded with New Year's Resolutions.  As we stand on the edge of fresh beginnings and new horizons we find ourselves intoxicated with the sense of possibilities and a surge of good intentions.

Right about now you're probably starting to realize that running 30 minutes every morning before work may not be 100% realistic... and you're convincing yourself that your "no more soda EVER" resolution was really more of a guideline than an actual rule.

Coming down off the high of New Year's resolutions is expected.  (Besides- we have all year long to get back "on-track" right?) We've spent the last month reminescing, gorging, and justifying in the anticipation of this "fresh start".  It makes sense that we would set some unrealistic expectations.

But as women- we tend to be pros as setting unrealistic expectations. (...uhhh does the word "PINTEREST" mean anything to anyone?)  I am GUILTY!  For many of us- we spend a good part of our lives anticipating some of the sweetest milestones life has to offer; mainly marriage and motherhood.  If you think about how much we can build ourselves up before making our New Year's resolutions each year- it may give you a better idea how so many of us find ourselves looking up from a pit of unrealistic expectations when we finally reach those momentous events.  And the worst part: We dug ourselves into that pit ourselves.

I was no exception.  Along with the typical list of wants, hopes, dreams, and expectations for my life as a parent- I also had a pretty extensive lists of "I will NEVER"'s.  As an oldest child, teacher, and experienced babysitter- I felt like I had seen my fair share of "non-examples" and I was pretty sure there were some things that, when I became a mother myself, I would NEVER do.

But then I had a baby.

And then I had another one.

And then I realized...

1.) "I will never co-sleep with my baby."

Oh dear. I can already feel the evil glares pointed my way across the internet.
If you Google "co-sleeping dangers" (DON'T) you would be with me on putting this on my list of "NEVER"'s.  However...  you'd be surprised what measures you would take after only a few brief hours of cat-napping on the floor beneath your child's swing before they woke up and realized once again that no one is holding them and this is unacceptable.

I've come to accept that co-sleeping is an incredibly PERSONAL decision.  I've discovered that it can be an amazing aide in making sure my baby and I both get enough sleep to function, and it encourages breast-feeding when I might otherwise be inclined to cozy-up under the blankets while Daddy fixed a bottle.  It eases my mind when I can simply look over and see that my child is well and breathing rather than causing me to dash across the house and check in the crib when my "something is wrong!" mother-instincts kick in.

While co-sleeping is a personal decision, it needs to be an informed one.  There are a lot of things to consider.  For instance- you should NEVER co-sleep if you are drunk or under medication that would not allow you to wake-up easily.  You should refrain from extra-soft bedding such as large fluffy/heavy feather comforters, or multiple coverings/pillows.  (Less is more when co-sleeping)
You should be aware of bed placement and make sure the bed isn't pushed against a wall where the baby could slip down and get stuck.  You also need to consider your personal sleeping style.  If you (or your partner) tend to be a heavy sleeper or thrash around a lot, you may want to consider an option other than co-sleeping.

Co-sleepers are also a great option.  I made sure to research SAFE co-sleeping and for me- it was a surprisingly amazing option.  Albeit something I thought I would never do.

{Image Credit: Here}

2.) "I will never keep my baby in the carseat."

After horror-stories of dented heads and obese children with minimal emotional attachment I vowed I would never be one of "those moms" that kept her baby in the carseat carrier.  I used to look at mothers who toted their children to church in their carseats and think "How can they do that to their baby? He/she is getting so little stimulation! The poor little thing is trapped in its seat! How hard would it be for the mom or dad to just hold their baby instead of leaving them in the seat on the pew beside them?"

Apparently it would be pretty darn hard actually.  We were pretty great about holding rather than "toting" our oldest son.  The carseat generally stayed in the car unless he was sleeping or if it was a quick trip into the grocery story. But with the addition of a second child- my husband and I found ourselves significantly more stretched.  Balancing a toddler AND a baby means both you and your spouse almost constantly have your hands/laps/arms full.  Not to mention those families that have more than two children... single parents... or parents of multiples!  I seriously do not know how they do it.

Something I hadn't considered was the fact that those times when I see those moms and their carseated-babies, is only a TINY fraction of the time those mothers and spending with their babies.  30 minutes in a carseat once a week is really not going to cause emotional trauma to your child.  I had no idea how much time they spend cuddling, crawling, and exploring with their baby at home.

In addition- while my first son was relatively mellow and content to roll around on the floor or cuddle in my arms, my second son is nothing short of a restless explorer.  He is constantly pulling on things, sticking things in his mouth... you know the typical baby stuff.  At home we can baby-proof, shut doors, etc... outside of our house is a different story.  Sometimes I just don't have the energy to chase after my mobile minion and the carseat provides an incredible relief as a safe-alternative to running myself ragged.

So I've pretty much stuck with the new mindset of if he's happy- let him be. This doesn't mean I wait until he's screaming before I take him out, in fact I still think I'm pretty good about keeping him liberated from his carseat... but I'm not as high-and-mighty about it.

And I certainly don't judge other moms so quickly when they have a contained little-one in tow.

{Image Credit: Here}

3.) "I will never give my child something just because he cries for it."

Yeah... this isn't one I'm proud of.

It's really important to me that I don't raise whiny entitled children... but it's also really important that I don't have a nervous breakdown because my eardrums just shattered into a million tiny pieces.

We encourage using our words to explain what we want and how we feel instead of crying (whining) when we want something.   And I give myself a big pat on the back for having a toddler that usually does pretty darn good at it too.  But as anyone who has ever had a toddler knows- sometimes logic is the joke of the day.

Choose your battles mama.

If I'm sick, if I'm tired, or if I'm just having a really lazy day- sometimes I do myself a favor and spare the house from the 30-minute compromise of "You need to tell me what you want so I can help you" and I resort to the guessing game. (Note: this can often back-fire and turn into a HUGE mess so always proceed with caution.)

"Do you want juice?"
NO! (Angry)

"Do you want cheese?"
No! (Frustrated but happy you are recognizing their unhappiness)

"Do you want bread?"
Noooooo.... (Still crying but open to negotiation)

"Do you want toasted bread?"
Yes. (Still sniffling)

"Ok here is some bread- lets toast it"
NOOOO!!!! (freak-out mode activated)

"Do you want this? Do you just want the bread?"
Yes. (Sniffling but relieved.)

"Ok here you go."
Thank you mommy.  (Smile- note crocodile tears still streaming down face.)

Once the bread is gone and he starts whimpering again- you better bet I go straight for the bread bag and hand him another slice.  Sometimes... it's in everyone's best interest.

{Image Credit: Here}

4.) "I will never feed my child unhealthy food."

Cue laughter.

oh dear....  I really have nothing to say in my defense.  Graham crackers will be my undoing.

And those darn cookies.

{Image Credit: Here}

5.) "I will never ignore my child when they are crying."

No decent mother wants her child to cry.  We just don't.  It hurts our hearts. When my baby cries it's like every bone in my body starts screaming for me to DO SOMETHING!  That's why if someone were to have told me 5 years ago that I would occasionally ignore my child when they were crying I would have voted for them to be sent to the looney-bin.

But if I'm being honest... there come some moments in every mother's life where she needs five seconds.  And if you aren't a mother you may not realize how literally I mean that.

FIVE. SECONDS.

Time to yourself- without responsibility- is now a fantasy.  It's like when people say you have a piece of your heart living outside your body.  It's true.  I don't know if I'll ever be 100% worry free EVER again.  Even when my sons are grown with children of their own I'm sure I'll still wake up sometimes in the night and wonder where they are. (Maybe not... but it's seriously hard to imagine right now.)

This post has taken me almost a month to write- and I still won't get a chance to proof-read it because THAT is how precious time is when you've got little ones.

I remember a time after I had my first son when I was feeling particularly overwhelmed.  I felt like he was constantly crying, never sleeping, and always needing me.  I found myself becoming emotionally dramatic- crying, feeling so tired and angry.  That anger was like a red flag.  I certainly wasn't angry at my baby ( I wasn't angry *at* anything really) but I knew I needed to calm down.

A woman who came to bring a dinner (...yes I was having dinners delivered to me and still managed to get super overwhelmed- it happens.) saw how I was feeling and gave me some of the best mother advice I ever received.

Sometimes babies just cry.

This isn't exactly true... we all know that babies cry for a reason.  Either their hungry, tired, cold, uncomfortable, poopy, etc...

But what she continued to explain was that after you've exhausted all the options you can think of- once you've rocked, swaddled, fed, changed, rocked swaddled, burped, checked their toes twice for hairs, and fed, rocked, and swaddled again... sometimes you just need to set them down safe in their crib, shut the door, and take five seconds.

literally five seconds.

Enough time for some deep breaths.  Some visualizing.  A reset.

It's something I never thought I'd do.  It's something I never thought I'd need.


But mamas are human too.

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And that's ok.
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Why My Elf is Staying on My Shelf ~ Guest post by Jen

Whether you like the idea of having a cute little elf in your home at Christmastime or you loathe that little creepy thing staring down at you, pressuring you into yet another marketing scheme, I’m sure you have heard about the elf on the shelf. That is of course unless you have been living under a rock for the past couple years.

I’m not here to persuade you to get an elf for yourself, or to tell you that yes, you are the best parent in the world because you participate in the elf on the shelf tradition. I share to explain what the elf represents in our home and what he does not.

Our family has an elf visit our home for the month of December every year. I heard about it in 2010 and thought it would be a lot of fun for my kids. This of course was before the huge elf on the shelf craze, and before I knew what I was really getting myself into. We read the book with our kids and they named him Jasper. I started out by just moving him to a different spot every night. My kids thought it was great fun and loved finding him every morning. In the next couple years the elf became extremely popular on blogs and pinterest, showcasing different ways for your elf to get into trouble or do something wildly creative. I’ll admit, being the creative person I am, I jumped on the bandwagon and our own elf, Jasper, had some pretty wild adventures. Including: roasting marshmallows, coloring in a Christmas coloring book, having a marshmallow war and going for a joyride with Barbie.

I had A LOT of fun coming up with a new adventure every night. Equally my kids loved finding what nonsense Jasper had gotten into while they slept. I did this not to show off how creative I am or how I could outdo my friends by one upping our elf adventures against theirs. I thoroughly enjoyed it. I have to say, this is the most important advice I can give you on this whole elf on the shelf craze: DO NOT do it just to keep up with "The Joneses". I hate that it has been portrayed as this. To tell you the truth, if I had not gotten an elf when we did, I probably wouldn’t now. Only because of what it has become for so many people.

I understand that some people don’t want an elf because it shows your children the elf is a spy, or it teaches your kids naughty behavior. I truly believe that in whatever way you present the elf and what it represents, is how your children will perceive it. If you show your kids he is more of a spy, they will believe that. If you show your kids that he is fun and make it out to be just that, they are going to respond accordingly.

Our elf is not a threat to our children. We have never threatened them by saying, “the elf is going to tell Santa you have been naughty!” or, “the elf is Santa’s spy to see if you have been naughty or nice.” I think of our home as a safe place for my children and would never want to jeopardize their sense of security in any way. Especially by having this creepy elf watching every move they make and tattle tailing on them every night to Santa. That would scare any child! Heck, I’d be scared! Wouldn’t you hate it if someone told you that the elf watched you sneak those extra cookies after the kids went to bed? Or that you left dirty dishes in your sink all day and because of that you would not be receiving gifts on Christmas morning?

Yes, I get caught up in all the holiday madness and at times think, do I really need to add another task to my already long list? Some nights I dread that little devil in red, smirking at me, knowing that yep, I have to think of yet another creative adventure or somewhere to move him. Some nights I wake up in the middle of the night remembering, "Dang! I forgot to move that flippin elf!"  Do I sometimes want to just say, forget it, I’ll leave him in his same spot, saying to the kids, “you probably touched the elf and he lost his magic for the next couple of days.”All in order to give myself a day off? You bet I do! In fact, this year I have not been very creative with our elf at all. He usually just moves to another spot. And guess what? That’s okay! Because, honestly, this elf is not what Christmas is. Let me repeat that. This elf is not what Christmas is.

Would my kids lose all sense of faith and joy without him? No. Is the elf the only thing we use to teach our children about Christmas? No. But in our house, he represents the SPIRIT and MAGIC of Christmas. The sense of something magical happening. Christmas is about being a child again. Having the awe and wonder about all the things happening around you. The innocence of being a child again. Believing. Whether in Santa or God. The magic of it all.  That’s what it’s all about. It’s why I do it.

Now, you are all adults and can decide what holiday traditions you want to participate in. If you want to do the elf on the shelf, great! If not, great! I’m not saying that without the elf on the shelf your children won’t have that magical experience during Christmastime. But for our family, it is one of the things that bring joy in the kid’s eyes, and mine, as they experience the magic that this season brings. And however you chose to display that is up to you. Don’t let anyone, including a little stuffed elf dressed in red; influence your decision in any way.

-Jen

Monogrammed Memories- A Christmas Tree Ornament Tutorial by Guest Author Cara

One of my most favorite memories growing up always started at the beginning of the holiday: decorating my step-mom’s house for Christmas. She is the type of woman that used to (and still does) go all out for Christmas. It always started the same way, every Saturday after Thanksgiving-by unpacking her Christmas closet… yes, closet. We were blessed to have a gorgeous home with very tall ceilings, so we always got a tree that was 9 or 10 feet tall. This, obviously, means that decorating said tree was a two, if not three person job. 

Every year, my step-mom would let my dad and I put on the lights while she unpacked the ornaments. And every year, she retold the same stories about who gave her each ornament, and when-sometimes down to the date. In my childhood years, I never understood her appreciation for her hand-made collections. And when it came time to put the ornaments on the tree, I always got the same speech: “Be careful with that one, so and so gave that to me,” with almost everything I picked up.

Now that I’m older, I have my own tree, and I am starting to understand what her mild obsession with these ornaments involve; a little bit of love, for those handmade from family and friends, a special memory, for those purchased on vacation or a trip somewhere special, and even a little place in her heart, from the ornaments given to her by relatives who are no longer with us. 

Before my biological mom passed, she made ornaments for her family and friends, and gave them away each year. In the 20 years since her passing, some of those friends and relatives have given these ornaments back to me. Since my mother died when I was so young, their value to me is increased tenfold-it’s almost like having a part of her with me each Christmas when I go to hang them on my tree.

So last year, I decided that I would carry on my mother’s DIY ornament tradition, and I set out to make a special ornament for everyone on my Christmas list. I, of course, took to Pinterest for some design inspiration, and that landed me here.

I loved the way these ornaments looked when finished, and the cool marbled effect it created. But I wanted to take it up a notch, and make the ornament personal to every family I gave it to. My solution?

Monogramming!

Monogramming is the best way to give a gift that is 100% original-it really tells the receiver that you thought about them specifically when making it. But if you’re blessed with a family large enough to fill a high school gymnasium, giving a monogrammed gift to every single person can get expensive. So rather than making one of these little babies for every person in the family, I gave one to the household, and used their last name for the monogram initial.

So here’s what you’ll need:

• Acrylic Paint
• Clear Ornament
• (you can use round or flat, I went with flat because I wanted the monogram to lie evenly)
• Sticker or Paint Pen (for monogram)

Start by dripping the lightest color paint into the top, leaning the opening of the paint lid against the inside of the ornament so you get as much on the side as possible.

Work your way from lightest to darkest, filling in the gaps around the top of the ornament. When you have covered the lip of it on the inside, cover the opening with paper or cellophane (or your fingers, just be prepared to get paint on them), and start shaking that baby. I turned this one on its side and tapped it on the table to get the paint to move where I wanted it.

This was the end result. You can continue tapping until you get more of a color combination like the original one, but I really loved the way this one looked.

Then, pick the side you like best, and add your monogram.

I highly recommend letting the excess paint that is inside drip out before you put the stopper back into the top of the ornament. I inverted mine into a Kleenex box with some paper towels in the bottom of it to catch the paint.

When it’s dry, carefully stick the metal top back into the ornament, and you have a beautiful gift under $5.00. I have already given some of these to family members we see before Christmas, and the looks on their faces when I told them I made them myself meant the world to me. This project is also easy enough to let the kiddos get involved! My 3 year old had a blast “helping” mommy swirl the paint around.

Now, when they hang this ornament on their tree each year, I know that they will think of me.
And isn’t that what this season is all about?

1,000 thanks to Jessica for letting me share this with you all! If you feel so inclined, feel free to visit me more often over at my blog (www.things-that-glitter.blogspot.com).

I hope you all have a very Merry Christmas and a fantastic New Year!

-Cara

Keeping the Christ in Christmas: Why "Happy Holidays" Doesn't Bother Me

I was reading something the other day from a friend of mine. She was upset because her child's school Christmas party was being labeled a "holiday" party. I hear similar grievances every year. Christmas is becoming too commercial. Society is taking the "Christ" out of "Christmas". No one remembers the reason for the season.

As a woman of faith, I respectfully disagree.

I remember as a child, one of my favorite parts of Christmastime was singing in our school recital. I actually have vivid memories of the gym, the way the stage was set up, what I wore. Yes, I was that excited about singing. But I digress. One thing I remember is that we sang every type of song. We sang songs about Christmas. We sang songs about Hanukkah. We sang songs about Kwanzaa. We sang in Spanish and in French and in English. We also learned about some of the traditions behind each of these. And it was an awesome, beautiful, amazing thing.

Last night I got to witness a similar thing at my child's "winter play". They sang songs referencing all winter holidays. It was a touching moment for me to see these children coming together, celebrating the season in a spirit of unity, love and joy.

And truly, isn't that what this season, and Christmas in particular, is supposed to really be about? Love, Tolerance. Acceptance. Joy. Redemption. Charity.

I celebrate Christmas in my home. We try to keep the spirit of Jesus Christ and the celebration of His birth at the center of our home. We teach our children to do likewise. No one else can take the Christ out of our Christmas, only we can do that. The fact that I can worship freely in my home, and raise my children in the church of my choosing, is a gift I cherish with all my heart. How hypocritical would I be if I did not respect that privilege in others?

So calling it a "winter party" doesn't bother me. Saying "happy holidays" does not offend me. And it's not because I have forgotten Christmas. And it's not because I am afraid I will offend someone by acknowledging my Christian status. Rather, it is because I respect that my traditions are not everyone's traditions. My faith is not everyone's faith. But I believe that everyone is a child of God. Everyone is my spiritual brother or sister. And so whether they celebrate Christmas or Kwanzaa or Hanukkah or commercialism, my job is simply to love them.

In my mind, that is how I keep Christ in Christmas.

So to everyone I say, Happy Hanukkah, Happy Holidays, Happy Kwanzaa, Season's Greetings and Merry Christmas. I hope that the love and peace of this season will bless us all with a greater capacity to love one another and cultivate a spirit of unity. Peace on Earth. Goodwill to men.

How to have a very Merry Christmas:

Christmas is upon us.

Are your palms sweaty? Did your pulse quicken?  Because I know I'm pretty delirious- and it's NOT because Santa's coming to town.

Gone are the days when sugar plums danced in my head.  The days when I made green and red construction paper "countdown chains" and sang all the annoying extra lyrics to Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer at the top of my lungs until my parents went legally deaf.

Now it's all about number crunching- scheduling- and the looming EXPECTATIONS.

I'm not 100% sold that our parent's generation or their parent's generation had quite the same level of holiday pressure many of us are facing today.  Mom-bloggers and new reporters alike are finding themselves more and more drawn to the topic of minimizing the holiday-buzz, going "back to the basics", and the ever-popular "true meaning" of the holiday spirit.

We talk the talk: facebook rants, head-shaking at Christmas store displays in October, and telling our friends that we don't do a lot of presents for Christmas... but how many of us are actually walking the walk?

Before you hang your head in guilt- let me give you a little pat on the back.  You're probably doing the best you can.  It's not easy in the world of Mommy-wars/Pinterest show-offs/and facebook brags.  There's a lot of amazingly awesome spectacular ideas out there.  "New" family traditions (*cough* elf on the shelf *cough*) around every corner.  There's no way you can do it all.  You just...can't.

It becomes really easy really quick to start to absolutely hate "the most wonderful time of the year".

So before you bah-humbug it all and thrown in the as-seen-on-Pinterest-personalized-cross-stitched-holiday-themed- towel...

Here are my TOP TEN WAYS TO *let yourself* ENJOY THE HOLIDAYS.

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1.) Pick and Choose.

When my husband and I got married (a late November wedding), Christmas was almost immediate.  And naturally, we found ourselves in conversation about our various family traditions and Christmas memories from over the years.  The next big question: what are OUR family traditions going to be?

Whether you're married or not- this is a question everyone is eventually faced with.  What parts of Christmas do I want to make a priority each year?  Whatever you decide needs to be a personal decision, and you should stick with it! (...that's the tough part about traditions- you've got to keep going!) But don't stress over the finality of it all- you can always introduce a *new* Christmas tradition later. ;)

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2.) Reflect.
Most children look forward to the holidays. (I mean- what ISN'T exciting about a day of goodies, laughter, and overall happiness?)  For some reason- over time that magic may seem to flicker and fade.  I have been witness to the magic of having children- and I have been amazed at the precious re-kindling I have felt as I experience the joy of the holidays through the eyes of a little one.

The feeling is almost intoxicating- and I'm sure many parents can relate when I say I wanted to make Christmas for my sons the BEST CHRISTMAS EVER! But before I found myself neck-deep in toy-debt I took a minute to remember my own favorite Christmas memories.  Making Christmas goodies with my family, pulling out ornaments on our advent calendar, making Christmas crafts... these were the things I remembered.  And those are the things I need to make a priority now.

3.) Ditch the criticism.

I don't know anyone who wants to be considered materialistic.  I also don't know anyone who can't understand why someone may be excited about getting a gift.  (and if they claim so- they are lying.)  While getting *stuff* isn't a healthy main-focus for anyone- I want to take a step back and remind you of this little old book.

[Learn more about Love Languages here.]

Receiving and giving gifts is a legitimate love language people.  Not any more or less valid than the others.  Just like it wouldn't be healthy to focus on purely physical touch or only on words of affirmation- I can understand how only caring about gifts could be cause for concern.  But I think we can also agree that once or twice a year (I love birthdays!) is not completely unreasonable for some people to be excited about receiving gifts!  It feels good to know someone was thinking about you- so stop feeling guilty for counting those presents under the tree.  You get a free-pass.  Just don't shove your 11 presents in the face of cousin Tilda's 4.


4.) Know when to say NO.

Many of us can relate to the concept of a hectic holiday schedule. It's like my calendar throws-up between the months of October and January.  Holiday parties, family get-togethers, catching up with friends... it doesn't take much for some of us to get a little overwhelmed.  The holidays tend to have a sense of nostalgia and sentiment unique from the rest of the year.  And that can remind us of what who is most important.  Unfortunately, that also puts a fire under our butts to hurry and spend as much time as humanly possible with those people.

Something to remind yourself of this Christmas- those people aren't going to be any less important in January...February... or June.  There may be people traveling into town exclusively for the holidays- make them a priority and save visiting with your local friends and family for the rest of the year.  If you don't take the time to relax and enjoy the holidays- you could literally make yourself sick- and then you won't have any choice but to sit at home and relax (miserably) because no one is going to want to hang-out with your snot-nosed face.  (Sorry- that was mean...)

5.)  Remember those who aren't with us- and those they left behind.
It's heartbreaking to think that during this season of joy and wonder- suicide rates are actually on the rise.  I can't think of anything worse in this life than losing a loved-one and seeing everyone around you happy and celebrating with their loved ones can be a lot like rubbing salt in a fresh wound.  Even losses years-decades old can be brought fresh to the surface with the memories embedded deeply in this magical season.

When you're in pain- it can be easy to let that pain overtake you- and any joy and laughter can seem unattainable.  It's important to let yourself feel the peace that can come with Christmas and use that peace to uplift yourself and those around you.

Find ways to keep your loved ones alive in our hearts and memories.  My father in law passed-away just before I met my husband and while I never met him- I can definitely feel his spirit in the way my husband and his family talk about him and celebrate his memory.  My father in law's birthday is December 4th so my husband and I have made it a tradition to put our tree up on that day.  It's something simple- but it's also something special and meaningful that keeps him alive in our hearts and home.

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Also, remember that not all loss is through death.  Individuals who have faced divorce, separation, military deployment, addictions and other struggles can also feel depressed and alone this time of year.  Make it a point to recognize and remember these people.  Invite them to low-key but meaningful events and include them in activities like caroling or cookie drop-offs.  These little things can sometimes mean the world to someone who feels like the world is against them.

6.) Indulge
I can't tell you how many people tell me every year how much weight they expect to gain over the holidays- and how they are dreading the consequences.  To them, I say- stop.  Just stop.  Of course, you shouldn't stuff yourself silly every day for two months.... but two or three big Christmas meals won't make you gain 50 pounds.

Plan ahead and be responsible.  If there are only two of you in your house- you probably don't need a gallon of eggnog in your fridge at all times.  Be reasonable and have things in moderation- but when you have them ENJOY THEM.  Don't spend the entire feast complaining and dreading- let yourself taste every pepperminty chocolate-dipped piece of heaven you can get your hands on... because you deserve it!

Just stop when you're full.

7.) Minimize expenses

There are about a thousand different budgeting ideas on the web- but for some reason, Christmas always seems exempt from reason when it comes to your bank account and your heartstrings suddenly have full control over your wallet.

Look up some Christmas-budgeting ideas via sites like Pinterest and come up with a plan that works for you so those holiday bills don't sneak up on you unexpectedly.  Few things can cause stress like money troubles- don't invite them to your home this Christmas by getting carried-away with gifts, parties, decorations, and dinners.  Keep it simple and classy.  Minimalism is in style! ;)

8.) Slow down and get enough sleep

Hustle and Bustle are synonymous with the holiday season.  I admit my husband and I actually enjoy going to the mall during the Christmas season just to let ourselves get caught up in the rush for a little while.  There's something exciting about it.  Although... we try to have our shopping 100% done by that point so we can just enjoy the atmosphere without actually rushing around ourselves.

It can be fun to get caught-up in the excitement... but not when you don't have any other option and you're pressed for time in finding that "perfect" gift for a steal of a price.  Along with knowing when to say no- you need to make it a point to slow down and take things easy.  Running on high for days on end with minimal sleep is not a recommended means of being your happiest most enjoyable self.  (Can I get an "Amen!" moms?)

Instead- budget your time with a full-nights worth of rest.  There will be a few nights where you may stay up late to look at Christmas lights or visit at a work party- but don't make them a daily habit or you'll wear yourself thin and end up falling asleep in the recliner in the living room while everyone else is gleefully tearing wrapping paper to shreds.


9.) Connect and Pray

For many of us- there really is a truer-deeper meaning to Christmas- and without recognizing it we wouldn't be able to honestly enjoy it in our heart of hearts.  It's important to recognize our spiritual well-being during this beautifully touching time of year.

Christmas is about love, joy, and peace.  You should seek out people and things that accentuate those feelings and avoid those that don't.  There's no need to flaunt your higher-purpose reason for the season- it should be a sacred, personal experience.  However, while you don't want to come off holier-than-thou, you also shouldn't be afraid to share your spiritual experiences with friends and family.  Invite neighbors to service projects, sing Christmas carols at a nursing home, donate an evening of your time or some cans to a homeless shelter or soup kitchen.  Joy in good deeds is a universal experience regardless of religion or spiritual beliefs.

Don't be afraid to offend- and even more importantly... don't be offended.  

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10.)  Don't expect miracles.

I remember one year being incredibly disappointed in my Christmas presents.  I was a teenager after all- so I'm not sure anything short of a million dollars would have impressed me- but it was still a bummer feeling.

We spend a month working ourselves up for one day each year.  With all the hype- there's bound to be some let-down.  Try to prep yourself beforehand.  Lower your expectations and allow yourself to be surprised and happy with the little things.

Let yourself be amazed and remember the magic.

Have a very Merry Christmas!