A Bittersweet Farewell

We have been experiencing some changes at To Each Their Own. With the school year returning and the holidays setting-in, our lives have been picking up and our posts have been slowing down.  After some heart-to-heart talks between all the authors, two of our sweet writers have had to step down and refocus on their families.

Bianca started To Each Their Own a couple weeks later than the other authors, but her posts have been sweet and inspiring- full of sunshine and heart-warming thoughts.  While she is leaving to focus on her cute little family, she will also be continuing her Etsy business Guavaloo.  Feel free to click the link and enjoy some of her "unpredictably fun" clothing and accessory pieces.

 

Sarah has been one of the founding-"mothers" of To Each Their Own from the beginning.  It was Sarah who originally brainstormed our name after hearing the concept behind the blog, and she was responsible for initiating and running our facebook page.  Sarah's posts have been both raw and touching on a personal and spiritual level.  She opened her heart to us and we are sad to not see her thoughts regularly gracing our page anymore.  Sarah's husband and three handsome little boys are lucky to have such a beautiful wife and mama.  We wish them all the best.  

Bianca and Sarah will be deeply missed on To Each Their Own, but we are excited for what the future holds for them and we look forward to seeing where life takes these stellar mothers and wonderful women.  

Please click their pictures to read through some of the posts they have written for us here on To Each Their Own- and remember to comment with your words of encouragement as Bianca and Sarah make "their own" way.

-To Each Their Own

My Phone. My Precious.

Our smart phones are the number one form of technology in our home. They sometimes become an issue. Sometimes while managing my online shop and responding to customer inquiries, I become a partial zombie to the world around me. I am more easily frustrated with my Steve when I’m busy-ing away on my phone. I get more stressed out if Jesse is doing something that would normally bug me just a little.

When I set my phone down, I’m back to “me-mode.” I am more patient, more attentive, and more involved. For this reason, I have decided to set times of the day when I check my phone. For example, I’ve considered checking my email accounts, Facebook, customer messages, and other apps first thing in the morning, during Jesse’s nap in the afternoon, and in the evening after Jesse goes to bed. Of course, there will always be exceptions. Calls are okay. Texting is to be limited. I use productivity apps throughout the day without a problem. Like checklists, reminders, and project apps.  

I don’t play any online games, on my phone, computer, or TV screen, but I do have Fisher Price Apps installed on my phone for Jesse, my 2 year old. I even have a Fisher Price monkey that comes with an iPhone box that protects the screen from the ocean of drool that constantly falls from his mouth. Steve enjoys game apps and computer games as well.

I am always weary of Jesse’s dependence on my phone to be happy. He lights up when I pull out my phone and he hears the Fisher Price start up tune begin to play. He claps enthusiastically, his smile spreads across his innocent face, and his eyes open wide in anticipation. I love to see his excitement! At the same time, I worry that he will come to heavily rely on these phone games for amusement.

Part of these feelings stem from my own nostalgia with my own experiences with education and leisure activities growing up. I loved me a good ol’ solid book! I love the touch of the pages on my fingers, the smell, and the satisfaction I feel when reading the last page. I’m often thinking, I have to read more books with Jesse! Not just at night! This requires me to sit down with him, forget about the busy world around us, and just read. It requires me to wrap my hand around his tiny hand and prompt him to point at the silly and colorful images. I need to be patient as he bangs away on the book and flips the pages prematurely. It requires me to make interesting sounds and have a luring narrative voice, otherwise he squirms in frustration. I imagine that if he could talk, he’d say “Why are we staring at this piece of board, and why are you talking so much? Hand me your iPhone and start that fun numbers game, with the colorful, moving pictures and catchy tunes!” This requires time. It requires patience. It’s a much different experience than handing him my phone. BUT! It requires togetherness. Which is what I love.

I have come to accept that education via smart phones, tablets, and computer monitors is an integrated part of our fast paced and ever changing world. I know that when Jesse goes to school, he will most likely own his own tablet and smart phone. For this reason, I set my nostalgia aside and embrace education via technology. After all, after unsuccessfully trying for months to get Jesse to point at picture in a book, he finally isolated his finger and swiped the images on my phone’s image gallery to see the next picture. I was utterly amazed. This is when the technology craze started in his little mind. The excitement. The ease. The control. The sense of achievement. He now plays his Fisher Price games while I cook dinner every evening, and all the while he looks up at me to make sure I’m watching. He looks up at me with eager eyes. I smile. I clap. I say “Wow! Good job!” He claps and smiles in satisfaction. He looks down and plays some more, pointing away. Happy as can be.

For a short while I would pull out my phone when I couldn’t get Jesse to calm down and stop crying. Then I realized that I wasn’t doing myself any favors. I realized that this sort of behavior wouldn’t stop if I gave in by rewarding him for his tantrums and bad behavior. What I do now is sit him up, distract him by bringing out a toy. I try to talk to him and be silly to make him happy. I give him a high five or tickle his feet. Then I show him my phone and ask him if he’d like to “play phone.” Only then do I allow him to play. So I try to separate the bad behavior from the fun game. It’s not always easy! Sometimes, I never get to the “play phone” part, but I have to set boundaries, right?

I haven’t successfully enforced our much needed “no technology during dinner” rule in our home, especially since we love to watch our favorite shows during dinner. We LOVE Suits, Kitchen Nightmares, and Master Chef. We are also Burn Notice fanatics. We watch our shows via a device called Roku on our TV. It’s basically internet TV, but the interface is made for easy and convenient control of all of your favorite movies and shows. It’s a small black box you attach to the back of your TV. You can load Apps onto it, like Spotify, Hulu Plus, and even games, like Angry Birds. The remote is Bluetooth and Wi-Fi enabled and works like a Wii remote when you’re playing games. You can even plug in your earphones directly into the remote if needed. If someone is noisily doing the dishes in the kitchen and you can’t hear the TV, you can just plug it in! You can also access files from your home computer and play them on your TV screen via your Roku device. I like Roku as opposed to regular cable or satellite TV because it doesn’t promote couch-potato-ing.  You know what you want to watch. You watch it. You’re done. You move with your day. Geez. I sound like I’m getting paid to talk about Roku. Sorry! I’m not. I just really like it. Either way, I’d like my family’s dinner time to be strictly personal. No phones. No TV. Just quality face time. And no, Apple’s Face-Time doesn’t count.

In our home, we embrace technology. Admittedly, it has occasionally become the source of disagreements arguments, and negativity. For this reason, I understand that boundaries must be set and every member has to be willing to stick to the rules. We can continue to search for the newest phones, the fastest internet and computers, the smoothest working tablets, the highest functioning apps, and the best gaming consoles. We just have to remember that the person in front of us is more important than the device in your hands. People matter. Love matters. Relationship growth matters. If technology is interfering with the growth of a relationship and the overall health of our family, then maybe it’s time for some boundaries and rules. If we ever find ourselves forebodingly hovered over our phone, protecting it like a paranoiac, hissing “my precious,” maybe it’s time for some outside help. An intervention, possibly? People are precious. Perhaps people may prepare you to prance away from your phone. Perchance?

What is one negative thing that technology brings to your family? Does your phone ever prevent you from staying in your “me-mode”? Have you found a solution? How about a positive thing? What are some of your favorite productivity apps or favorite family technology pastimes? We want to know about technology in your life! Comment below! I want to know! (:

 

Fear of Age Three

A year from now, my little guy will have the opportunity to start school. Yes. My LITTLE BABY! I am suddenly filled with anxiety just thinking about his care and livelihood being placed at the mercy of another person’s hands. He’s just Jesse. He needs me. I understand him. Ever since we were first aware of Jesse’s challenges as a baby, he was enrolled in a government funded program for babies with developmental delays and other setbacks called Early Steps.

Early Steps services children with early intervention therapies such as physical therapy, occupational therapy, speech therapy, and early intervention (EI). In addition to these therapies, you may seek other therapies outside of Early Steps. Jesse receives the majority of his therapies through Independent Living. They’ve been amazing! Babies qualify for these services until the age of 3. At the age of 2 and 6 months, the process of transition starts. With your consent, your child referred to the Local Education Agency (LEA). Again, this is all optional! I’ll visit all of the local LEA preschool sites and other community education programs for babies with special needs. I’ll have the opportunity to observe, learn what a typical day would be like, and grill everything with a heart beat! Believe me! I’ll have a thousand questions for each and every person in these places!  Like “ Are you aware that I love my baby to death? Are you aware that I if you ever hurt him or cause him any pain in ANY way (emotional or physical), I KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE?! Really. To Death. ”

 

With that being said, here are some of my common fears:

1.        He doesn’t talk. No one will understand him.

Jesse doesn’t talk. He doesn’t use words. He knows a few signs that we’ve worked so hard to learn in the past 2 years. He signs “more,” “up,” and “all done.” If you count “peek-a-boo” as a sign, then he’s got that one mastered too. Apart from those, he’s got another extensive vocabulary of facial expressions and body language. Some are very unusual. Like when he’s pulling around on his belly, pauses and stiffens his little his left leg and it shakes a little, I know he’s excited about something. Perhaps he’s spotted a long lost toy under the couch, that only a little guy like him could spot from his world down below. I know when he’s on the verge of hunger. I know when he’s concerned or afraid. He keep his eyes fixed on my eyes, reading me, to see if I am also afraid or concerned. If I turn my head, concealing my face, he leans over and adjusts to see my expression. He relies on me to understand the world around him.

 

Solution: The most important thing to do, if this is the case your child, is to bring the necessary tools to make communication easier between him and the teacher. Your child’s teacher should be a trained professional, ready to start an individual plan for your child, but providing her with information about signs he may use or pictures that will facilitate his way of communicating, is always a great idea.I have implemented pictures into our communication. Before I feed him, I show him a picture of his food. I repeat the word “eat” as I prepare the food. I keep signing “eat” to him and encouraging him to do the same. I’ve been doing this since he first started to eat solids. He hasn’t signed it yet, but he understands SO MUCH MORE, than he can reciprocate and communicate back to you. When he’s ready for school, I’m hoping that he will have mastered his picture book and some more signs. I need to accept that his teacher will be a trained professional. I just need to provide him or her with the tools necessary to make communication easier. She will follow the individualized plan set for him daily. I intend to create a positive relationship with his teacher. I’ll ask her when is the best time and way to contact her and discuss his progress. I’ll volunteer as often as possible and become an involved mommy. In the process, I hope this will help me to alleviate some of my fears and anxiety.

 

2.        If he has a tantrum, no one will understand how to calm him down. They will lose their patience and treat him badly.

I feel irreplaceable in my Jesse’s life as I’m sure most of you do as well. Although Jesse is generally a crazy happy baby, he will occasionally be in these unexplainable moods. I have to go through a mental list of “what could be wrong with him.”

 

Solution: I will talk with the teacher about some special signs of distress that Jesse exhibits occasionally. I can help her to understand how to react and what expressions to try to avoid when he’s feeling vulnerable. I can show her toys that calm him down. I can show her how to make him feel comfortable. He likes to be held certain ways that make him feel safe and loved. I will communicate all of these things to the teacher. I might even make a “easy reference” document.

 

3.       He coughs and chokes on his food almost daily. I fear neglect.

 

I am afraid that people will under/overreact to his struggles with feeding. He doesn’t always chew his food before swallowing it. He doesn’t know how to control food properly in his mouth. He needs thickened liquids. If it’s too thick, he struggles, if it’s too thin he aspirates, which could later lead to lung infections. While eating, if he starts to gag, he can often work through it. I wait a few seconds, think about what he’s eating, see if he can figure it out, and decide whether to swipe it out or give him more time to try to chew it. I’m faced with this decision several times a day. If I ever have company over, I can see the fear come over them as they notice Jesse struggling. I often have to assure them that he’s okay. I just have to be very cautious and know when to intervene.

Solution: Communicate these concerns in detail with his teacher and other therapists present. Help them to understand that it can be very scary for him to have someone force their hand into his mouth. He often will be very emotional and hurt for up to half an hour of the experience. I just need to communicate all of the steps they can take and avoid to make his feeding experience better.

 

4.       He can’t communicate well enough to express if he’s being bullied or abused at school.

I am afraid that because of his inability to respond well to instruction, someone will lose it and hurt him.  I know that these are trained professionals, but you hear bad stories.

Solution:  Advice I’ve found helpful Pictures are very useful to address this issue. Talk to the teacher about your concerns. Request a written calendar of activities so you know what he’s supposed to be doing each day, and how to ask him simple questions about his day that he may respond to with a simple yes or no. For example, did you eat pizza today? Was it good? Pay special attention to his behavior and, if it comes up, never force your child to attend school without understanding why he doesn’t want to go.Pictures are very useful to address this issue. Talk to the teacher about your concerns. Request a written calendar of activities so you know what he’s supposed to be doing each day, and how to ask him simple questions about his day that he may respond to with a simple yes or no. For example, did you eat pizza today? Was it good? Pay special attention to his behavior and, if it comes up, never force your child to attend school without understanding why he doesn’t want to go.

Pictures are very useful to address this issue. Talk to the teacher about your concerns. Request a written calendar of activities so you know what he’s supposed to be doing each day, and how to ask him simple questions about his day that he may respond to with a simple yes or no. For example, did you eat pizza today? Was it good? Pay special attention to his behavior and, if it comes up, never force your child to attend school without understanding why he doesn’t want to go.1. Communicate my concerns with teacher.

22. Request a calendar of his daily activities so that I can know what he’s supposed to be doing throughout the day. I can then ask him simple questions about his activities that he can respond yes or no to. (We’re far away from being able to do this, but it’s my goal.)

3. Example: “Did you eat bananas today? Bananas? Good?”

3. 3. I will pay close attention to how he reacts. I will observe his expression when I ask about school and playtime. If I ever feel that he for some serious reason is afraid to keep attending school or seems unusually anxious, I will investigate myself. Great advise I found online was to “never force your child to go to school without first understanding why he or she doesn’t want to go.”

GreatGG

3. 5. Bus? He’s too young! It’s not safe!

At some point, I will have the option of allowing him to ride the school bus. I fear that it’s not safe for him. He’s too young for a school bus.

Solution: Special needs school buses are updated and made especially for children with an inability to sit up straight or control their bodies. Depending on Jesse’s height, weight, and physical and mental challenges, he will be seated in a booster seat or car seat or seated regularly using a seatbelt.  Drivers are taught to give each child the time he or she needs to get into the bus. I would imagine that they’d need to be very patient! So I will have my eye on the bus driver!  

5.       He needs to take his medications daily.

I am afraid someone will neglect to give him his medications.

Solution: If this fear continues to linger, I will make a list of medications and ask the nurse to initial each daily medication as it is administered. She may also use a calendar as a visual reminder of his medications. It will help me to feel more at ease and have a less stressful and worrisome day.

 

Overall, I just need to be open with his teacher. I need to communicate all of my concerns. I am happy to know that I have options, like what location to choose and what teachers and professionals I feel more comfortable with. It’s reassuring to know that I can let him attend his school for a little time or as much time as I feel happy with! I can take him for an hour or let him stay all day! I am pleased to know that he will interact with other kids and learn from his experiences. He will learn to deal with people. He will receive all of his normal therapies throughout the day. He will grow and I will too. That is what life is about. Growing… and knowing where his teacher lives.

Fun Staycation with Your Kids: Via Hot Air Balloon

Vacation. Such a lovely word, right? Unfortunately, this word isn’t a part of everyone’s life dictionary. Sometimes, it just isn't in the budget. The good news is that you and your family (kiddos especially) can enjoy a bite sized part of what each country has to offer... all in the comfort of your own home. A STAYCATION is what you need! You can choose to have a weekly staycation over the course of the summer or you can have a monthly staycation over the course of the entire year! Not any ol’boring staycation, but one filled with yummy cultural treats, fun crafts, and wild imagination!

First, if you and the kiddos want to truly feel wild and free, you have to really commit.

THE COMMITMENT:

Time-Out

Get your family together and collect all of the clocks in your home! Make it a speed race! See who can collect the most! Stash them in a designated “time-out” box. Tuck the box away in the least visited closet.  You know, the one you dread to think about. The one that is in desperate need of an “organize-a-makeover.” Don’t forget to toss your watch in there while you’re at it! In doing so, you’ll toss away the stress of the daily grind. For you staycation, you’re no longer a prisoner to time!

THE PLAN

Plan your global route:

What better way to build up the anticipation than to plan your exact route around the world? And what better way to do so than with a little arts and crafts!

Here are two fun options:

Easy DIY World Globe

Here is a wonderful DIY tutorial I found online:

http://onecharmingparty.com/2012/04/11/earth-day-party-ideas-kids/

Or

Easy Antique World Map (that you find under the magical time-traveling tree in your backyard, perchance?)

National Geographic’s website offers great free map pintables! You get to choose how detailed they are prior to printing!

http://education.nationalgeographic.com/education/mapping/outline-map/?map=The_World&ar_a=1

After you print your map, color it with antique like faded colors (browns, light pinks, sea foam green) or if you don’t think your little one will be able to tell the countries apart, make it a bright and colorful antique map that is kid-friendly.  Once colored in, singe the edges with a lighter or candle. Drop some candle wax on it here and there. Write a secrete message on the back or corner of the map in a foreign language. Here’s an idea!

“If you have found this map you are special and will partake in great world adventures.”

In French:

“Si vous avez trouvé cette carte vous êtes spéciaux et participerez à de grandes aventures mondiales.”

Get out your red ink pen and draw out your preferred route! Label the destinations with the dates you will be traveling there.

Stuff that suit case!

Gather the little ones and pack all of the essentials: favorite blanky, favorite action figure, favorite stuffed bunny, etc. Packing is so simple when you’re not actually going anywhere! Oh, and definitely don’t forget to pack your furry friend’s pretend luggage too! You can let youngest be in charge of this important responsibility!

Safety First:

Traveling with kids can be a little scary. Here are some tips to make your staycation travels safe.

Imagine a world with no evil. No monsters. No crime. Just friendly people. Warm smiles everywhere you look. Safety: Check! Staycation rocks!
 

I TRAVEL BY WAY OF...

Decide (via majority vote) the best form of transportation. Some planning ahead could make this trip unforgettable! For hot air balloon traveling, buy a dozen or more (you’ve got to make an impact) helium balloons and curly gift ribbon (or string). Tie long strands of ribbon (let the balloons touch the ceiling) on the balloons and attach them to the outside edges of a large box (big enough to fit the crew) with tape.

Make sure you tie down your hot air balloon when you’re not actively traveling! You don’t want it to fly away without you! Each time you’re ready to hit your next destination, climb everyone on board, untie the safety knot weighing you down, and let the wind lead the way! (Other forms of travel include: jet ski, steam boat, submarine (the little mermaid might just join you), time traveling machine, camels’ backs, etc.)  

 

Sample Itinerary for Paris, France:

-Put on your berets. Board hot air balloon. Travel to Paris, France.

-Shout“bonjour” to the gigantic, spotted whale splashing in the blue ocean below and “à plus tard” to the majestic bald eagle flying by boldly to your right!  Visit the capital of every country you decide to visit. For every country, learn how to say “hello” and “good bye” in their language. Eat a country-appropriate meal and wear a country-appropriate hat! Adopt an imaginary pet, like an elephant or a penguin! Watch a foreign film classic!

-Sun-rise (no clocks or watches, remember?): Hot air balloon lands on the Eiffel tower (discuss the history of the Eiffel tower). You’re still so high off the ground! Good thing you brought your parachutes!  

(Make every meal a picnic!)

-Petit déjeuner (Breakfast) Picnic Options: Pain au chocolat (buttery pastry with melted chocolate swirled through out) or Croissant with butter and fresh jam with hot chocolate for dipping! Buy it or make it!

http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/jacques-torres/croissants-pain-au-chocolat-pain-raisin-and-danish-recipe/index.html

-Learn “hello” and “good bye” in French: “bonjour”or “salut” and “au revoir”

Greet each other with new learned words!

-Déjeuner (Lunch) Picnic: Saucisson en croute (puff pastry wrapped sausage) Super easy!

http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/food-network-kitchens/saucisson-en-croute-recipe/index.html

-Adopt a poodle! Name him! Groom him! Feed him!

-Dîner (Dinner): French onion soup with a fresh baguette

http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/tyler-florence/french-onion-soup-recipe2/index.html

-Watch a kid friendly French film!

"La Belle et la Bete" (Beauty and the Beast) Directed by Jean Cocteau. “This is a live-action black and white adaptation of the French fairy tale. This film has a lush and beautiful art design and is easy to follow for children even though it is spoken in French and has English subtitles.” –screenjunkies.com

Listen to French music as you fall asleep. Whisper “bonuit” (goodnight) as you all snuggle comfortably in the living room, on the couch, in sleeping bags, on pillows and mattresses on the floor.

Travel back home in the morning!

When the time is right, and the budget is too, you’ll travel the world. For now, be close, be creative, and have fun!

 

Inigo Montoya On A Stick

Do you know what a pincho (peen-cho) is? Sure you do! It’s a Spanish/Puerto Rican style shish kabob!

If you’re still not sure what I’m talking about, then let me paint you a picture. Well, you know, upload one! And if you’re worried you’ll forget what it’s called, just remember that when you eat it you’ll be begging someone to “pinch” you because you’ll think you’re dreaming.

 

Feast your eyes on this hunk o’ meat on a stick! Pinchos are compilation of herbed and marinated meat (chicken or pork) and vegetables arranged to your satisfaction on a skewer (long wooden or metal pointy stick) and then grilled or baked in an oven. In Puerto Rico, street vendors serve pinchos as a fast, flavorful treat. I fondly remember pulling over to the side of the road with my grandma to buy some of these yummy kabobs!

Anyway! Enough Drooling! Put on your cooking face. Play your favorite Pandora salsa or tango station. Slide on your apron and let’s get cooking! It’s as easy as cha cha cha! 

**This is a simple way to prepare your marinade. You can add any other yummy spices! Like cilantro (my favorite herb), cayenne pepper for a nice spicy kick, lime, etc.)**

** Soak your wooden skewers in water to avoid burning.**

 

Uno: Mash it like you’re mad!

Mash six peeled garlic cloves and 2 tsp. of adobo in a mortar and pestle or food processor. When it’s done, it should be the consistency of paste. It will smell very appetizing, but hold your horses! With patience comes great… idk, just don’t eat it yet.

Dos: Marinade like a merry maid?

Add 1 1/2 tsp. pepper and 3 tsp. ground oregano into the garlic and adobo mixture. Stir in 3 tsp. of achiote-flavored olive oil and 3 tsp. of vinegar. Set mixture aside for now. We’ll be back to it pronto!

Dos and ½: Let your hips do the talking.

Do a little shimmy and a my “Hips Don’t Lie” Shakira hip shake. Walk over cavalierly to your un-expecting 1 lb. of meat. Glare at it raptly. Raise your brow and brazenly say, “My name is insert your name here. You killed my father, prepare to die.” Proceed to step 3 (tres). 

 

Tres: Chop it like a ninja (or Inigo Montoya).

Cut 1 lb. of pork or chicken into 1-inch cubes and place in a 1-gallon freezer bag.

Chop your onion and bell peppers into 1-inch pieces. Place in zip lock bag and set aside.

Cuatro:  Cool it, sistah!

Pour the marinade on the meat and a bit on your vegetables, and mix and seal both bags. Place the bags in the refrigerator for at least 20 minutes. To boost the taste, let your meat slumber in the fridge for 24 hours. It’ll awaken with a blissful aroma that kisses you gently on the cheek, then smacks you and shouts, “Cook me, senorita! Ahora!” (I think I’ve officially made this recipe post PG-13, with the violence and all).

Cinco: Poke ‘em. Grill ‘em. Turn ‘em. Eat ‘em. 

 

Thread the meat and vegetables on the skewers, alternating until the skewer is full. Grill for 10-15 minutes. Be sure to turn the meat occasionally to cook evenly.

 

IF OVEN GRILLING

**If you’re oven grilling your kabobs, preheat your oven to 400 degrees prior to threading meat and veggies. Place kabobs directly on racks. No need to turn them. Bake them for about 15 minutes, until meat is fully cooked.   

Serve them over some rice, plantains, or warm bread!  ¡Buen provecho!

Thank for reading! Wish you many smiles today!  Don't forget to subscribe!

 

 

 

 

 

 

PUSH Down The Aisle

The day had come. I had waited so long. There I was. There they were, all staring at me. They watched my every move and smiled at me warm heartedly, inviting me in. They all celebrated my arrival and decision to take the next step. I continued forward, walking deeper and deeper into an ocean of insecurity, doubt, and temptation.

I considered running out of there as fast as I could. I didn't think I was strong enough to make the right decision. I chose to stay. I continued down the aisle.  My journey had begun. I took a deep breath. Let the shopping commence.

This is what shopping is like for me. At least since I’ve committed to  the high standards of modesty that are strongly encouraged in my church. 

Increased standards of modesty is perhaps one of the hardest commitments I’ve ever made. Especially because I felt perfectly modest prior to becoming a member of the Mormon Church. It isn’t challenging because I like to dress promiscuously, enjoy showing cleavage, or like to put my legs on display. In fact, it’s the complete opposite!  What I sometimes obsess over are the actual clothes, not how much skin I show. Here are some common thoughts I might have when shopping or dressing for the day.

It’s just skin and bones, why should I have to hide it. I am not my skin.

It’s way too hot outside. There’s no way I’m wearing an undershirt.

What harm could I possibly cause by wearing this adorable black lace skirt?

The lace back on this satin, pastel shirt is so beautiful. I don’t want it because it’s revealing or would attract attention. I just want to wear it. It would make me feel pretty! 

All pretty innocent thoughts, right?

Oh, and how about swimsuits? Don’t even get me started! I love two pieces AND one pieces! I love the colors, the patterns, the styles, and the textures! So what in the world keeps me from wearing two pieces? If I love them so much, why don’t I just wear them and enjoy it?

I wish I could round this blog out with how I’ve overcome my personal modesty challenges. I've erased two entire paragraphs because it just didn’t feel real. I still occasionally choose cute lace back shirts and short summer skirts (not mini skirts, but just short-ish). Some of my shirts are a little too low. Some of my shorts are a little too short.

My church challenges its members when it comes to modesty with the following question: “Would I feel comfortable with my appearance if I were in the Lord's presence?” For the majority of what I wear, I could sincerely answer yes. To some of my clothes, not so much.

What I am excited to share with you is that I am always challenging myself to PUSH forward and be better than the person I was yesterday. I always strive to open up my mind. I could carry on thinking that what I wear affects only me. On the other hand, I can expand my mind to the idea that how I clothe my body affects the people around me- sometimes, very negatively.

There aren't many worse feelings (as a married woman) than being the cause of a married man’s (or single) lustful thoughts and desirous thinking.  Can you imagine?

Here’s a scenario: Let’s say I’m wearing my loyal turquoise V-neck t-shirt and some jeans. I feel perfectly comfortable and modest. We have company. We’re lounging on our couch. The AC is down low and I’m so cold! I hug myself and rub my arms to warm them up. In the process I create cleavage! You know the kind I’m talking about (the kind we create in the mirror when no one’s looking). I look up and I catch the eye of my good friend’s husband, who had just spend 2-3 seconds looking at my breast. Yes, I said it- my breasts! I look away and pretend I didn’t notice. Can you feel the awkwardness?

 I feel uneasy. Because of my carelessness, I put him in this awkward situation. Perhaps he will never think of it again. Maybe he’s at a place spiritually and in his marriage that something like this couldn’t possibly faze him. Maybe that night, while lying next to his wife, he wonders what it would be like to date other women again. Maybe he imagines what it would be like to be intimate with someone new.

This is the kind of thinking that makes me PUSH myself to be selflessly modest. Despite where I stand today in my understanding and acceptance of physical modesty, I need to own my actions. How do I affect my husband? How do I affect other men? How do I make other women feel when I’m around their husbands?

It would devastate me to think that someone wouldn’t feel comfortable with me being around their husband because of my choice of clothing, no matter how comfortable and secure I feel.

When I walk down the aisle again, I will be tugged left and right every time. The colors, patterns, and textures will all sing me my own personal lullaby. Each shirt and each dress will present me with their own personal plead: “Choose me, I’m trendy” or “Choose me, I go perfectly with those shoes you bought last week!” Each time, I will be able to tune more and more out. I will be able to put my own understanding of modesty and weakness for fashion aside, and be a little more selflessly modest. I will PUSH forward, striving to be more modest than I was yesterday.