Travel Survival with the Tots

As a mom, I have a love-hate relationship with vacations. 

On one hand I relish the thought of a break from the normal day-to-day routines.

On the other hand I fear the notion of the broken normal day-to-day routines.

The first vacation we took as parents was when Mini-me was six months old. We went to the Bahamas. You could say we were new to this traveling-with-a-child thing.

The week before our trip, I was a neurotic focused, packing soldier. I probably packed over a hundred diapers for a four-day trip and brought every medicine known possible (because any country outside of the U.S. doesn’t have these things, of course). I packed extra sheets for the baby (because there was no way I was going to let her sleep on the hotel’s infant crib sheets), her bulky sponge bathtub, all types of Johnson & Johnson baby products, and like 5-10 outfits per day for her to be changed into, just in case she spat up or soiled herself multiples times. She needed her own suitcase and I would even say, was ready for the apocalypse, should it happen.

During our trip, I also became the nap nazi and made sure she took her naps at the same time, each day and went to bed at her regular bedtime all while her sound machine lulled in the background (because if naps and bedtime routines were missed, ALL would be lost and our beautifully planned Bahamian-paradise vacation would be an utter f-a-i-l-u-r-e).  I am rolling my eyes even now as I type this.

There was a moment on our vacation when I asked myself, how the heck did it come to this?

Fast forward one year and a little bit after My-girl was born, we started planning another vacation, this time on a smaller scale, and in our home state. I rethought my vacation planning strategy and decided that if I was going to keep my sanity, I needed to start my vacation off right by relaxing a little more and thinking more clearly about how to efficiently AND effectively plan and enjoy a vacation with our two littles. After a few road trips and vacations under our belt, I've narrowed our vacation success tips down to this list: 

1) Travel during nap times- Routine mayhem with toddlers is to be expected on a vacation, but it doesn’t always have to start out that way. When possible, BBH and I typically like to plan our road trips around our girls’ naps. We sometimes start driving around nap time or at least plan for their nap to happen during the drive. This has been so helpful and our girls tend to be much happier and refreshed once we get to our destinations and start to catch up with our family.

2) Pack right –We try to keep our packing as light as possible. I honestly struggle with this, but BBH keeps me in check. I tend to stress out and end up over-packing for the kids, until I found this cool idea from All Things Simple. I will definitely be doing this while packing for our next vacation. You put your child’s entire outfit, including underwear and hair accessories in a zip-lock-gallon bag (for each day). When your child is getting ready, they can choose a bag and...bada bing, bada boom! Problem solved. This seems like it would be especially good for the child who wants to choose what they want to wear (I already have one of those on my hands).

Image credit: All Things Simple

3) Well-Equipped Diaper Bag- My LL Bean diaper bag has become my purse and acts as my emergency backup bag for the whole family. I love this diaper bag. It holds so much and is pretty gender-friendly, so BBH doesn't mind carrying it, either.

I pack extra diapers, pull-ups, extra swim diapers, underwear, diaper cream, even more wipes, hand sanitizer, snacks (a couple of fruit snacks or granola bars, more healthy snacks and lunch foods I put in their lunch boxes), extra cash, mints/gum, Advil, thermometer & children's/infant's ibuprofen, one-extra outfit for each daughter, sippy cups, and Kleenex. For some other ideas on diaper packing success, check this post out.

4) Travel totes- Each of my girls have their own travel bag for the car. 

We bought a couple when they went majorly on sale a year or so ago. I usually pack them with their favorite books, special items like their favorite stuffed animal/baby doll, their lunch boxes, crayons, coloring books, small puzzles, lacing cards, Doodle pads, the girls’ leap pad tag with their books, etc. These totes stay in the back seat with them on the floor and we throw their toys and stuff back in their bags when they're done.

Some moms have suggested bringing small Dollar store (like Dollar Tree) toys to give to their kids at the beginning of each new hour as a reward for behaving well in the car. We haven't done this yet, but will be trying it out in the future!

5) Music and Electronics- Our kids love to sing along to music in the car. We have several kids' music cds and it's gotten to the point where they take turns asking for a specific cd to listen to, even if we're going somewhere local, like the grocery store. We also own a Kindlefire and love it. We've found all sorts of read-along books, and fun learning apps that the girls enjoy. We also have a couple of kid movies on it that Mini-me likes to watch.

6) Plenty of Bags- Bring extra plastic bags to wrap up soiled diapers, wet clothes, garbage…anything. Very helpful and I always feel like I need a few more while on road trips.

7) Food – On these road trips, our girls each have their own lunch boxes and we try to pack them with healthier foods like fruits, sandwiches, cheese, personal cereal boxes or their snack cups filled with goldfish crackers. Earlier this year I was at blessed Target and bought a couple of those Fit and Fresh tupperware for keeping fruit and cheese cold. They are awesome. 

We also love these:

Have you seen them before? They are great for toddlers. They are called Munchkin snack "catchers". Thank you, Munchkin. SO helpful and useful with our kids.

Our kids love easy GoGo Squeeze applesauce on our road trips, too! We love anything easy and somewhat mess free!

8) Potty basics- If you have potty-training toddlers like we do and know you’ll be on the road for a while, bring a portable potty, just in case you can’t get to a restroom fast enough. On our next trip, we will be bringing ours and keeping it in the trunk. We always make sure to have extra wipes, toilet paper, plastic garbage bags, underwear or pull-ups/diapers and a towel for accidents. 

Something we also bought when Mini-me started potty training was something called a piddle paddle. 

Such a life saver for ANY time we're in the car and even better during longer trips when it would be even more difficult to clean a car seat. 

9) Expect the unexpected –I've had to learn that tot melt-downs are bound to happen. We can always count on fewer naps. And even if things go somewhat smoothly most days of our vacation and we're able to follow our normal routine, there will a day (or even two) when things do not pan out exactly the way we like. 

But we survive. And we do it all over again. Because it is worth it.

The best lesson I have learned while vacationing with our kids is to savor the moments...

...like the first time we went on vacation to a beach house with Mini-me. It was amazing and so memorable for us as parents. Watching her curl her toes curiously in the sand and laugh while she jumped in the waves still makes me smile whenever I think of it. 

A year later we took both our sweet girls on a similar vacation to enjoy the same beach. We then watched as My-girl made the same wonderful discoveries. As she and I snuggled together while watching the waves dance on the shore, it made me realize more that time with them is precious and fleeting. 

And these are the moments I relish.

Six Sunny-Day Diaper Bag Items

Fun in the sun…

When I was little- I remember my stay-at-home-mom taking full advantage of the Florida Sun year round planning activities for my brothers and I.  We went to parks, the springs, lakes,  you name it!  We basically lived at the beach.  And for awhile- we even had SEASON PASSES TO DISNEY WORLD!!!!

I mean- holy cow. Can there be anything cooler when you’re a kid?  Methinks not.

{My brothers and I covered in fake snakes at Animal Kingdom- looking appropriately terrified.}

{This is when I was older and I actually had to save-up to go to EPCOT, but Disney never gets old. I'm the one on the right and my friend Skye is on the left- plus there's another TETO author Mandi in the middle.  We are so cool. She better not take this down.}

Now as a mother of my own- I work.  I lament not being able to attend playdates at the zoo, the splashpad, someone’s backyard.  When summertime finally rolls around I find myself sunken into my “me-shape” on the sofa and unwilling to get up for more than the occasional food/potty/toddler-screaming-and-needs-chocolate-milk-now break.  I’m sure a lot of this has to do with having a newborn. (That’s what I tell myself anyway) but either way I still feel pretty bad. 

My poor little toddler is corralled in our apartment watching the 1123^rd episode of Sesame Street streaming on Netflix for the 1123^rd time.  (At least he gets all the graham crackers he can eat…right?!)

Anyhow- we HAVE managed to get out of the house one or two times.  With two kids I’m finding it’s becoming even more important to really be prepared. 

When Graham was a newborn, I did the typical first-time-mom thing and went ALL-OUT with his diaper bag.  (I’m talking like five receiving blankets…kind of ridiculous.) By the time he was 18 months we were usually pretty good with an extra diaper and a thing of wipes shoved into my purse. 

During my pregnancy I found things started to be a little more difficult.  The first time I’d walked around the pregnancy block I didn’t have a toddler.  It is a totally different game.  The first time you’re tired because you’ve never done this before.  It’s all new.  Every ache, every discomfort, every flutter- it’s a big deal! And it’s exauhsting.  The second time around I worried less about whether or not my feet were swollen, and more about whether or not Graham was getting his basic food groups 4/7 nights a week. I worried less about my pregnancy-induced eczema and more about squeezing in those bedtime stories.  The second time around it’s not only about the baby in your belly- but it’s about the baby outside your belly too.  That leaves a lot less “about” for you.

But I’m getting off-track.  The point I’m trying to make, is that when I got pregnant we started to emphasize the preparedness factor again.  I needed more water- and Graham would see me drinking so of course he needed a drink too.  I walked a little slower so grocery-runs took a little longer and we needed some fruit-snack gummies to keep him occupied.  It took a little more time to get out the door, but once we were out, everyone was a LOT more happy.

Now that Xander is here, we’ve switched from an over-the-shoulder diaper bag to a backpack.  It’s nothing fancy (just the free one we got at the hospital) but can I tell you what a LIFESAVER it is having both arms free?!  This is especially true if Hubby isn’t around and I need to carry both boys. Amazing.

Now when we’re out and about, there are a few things this mama wouldn’t want to be without.

(…that kind of rhymes. I’ll pretend I did it on purpose.)

Six Sunny-Day Diaper Bag Items

1.)    A Clean Sippy.

Graham isn’t too thrilled with sippy-cups anymore,  but it sure makes my life a whole lot easier.  We should probably try giving him a straw-cup of some kind instead, but the sippies are still working for now.

Sometimes if we know we are going somewhere (like church or Grandma’s) we will just bring an empty cup.  But this post is about fun in the sun- so let me tell you I would fill that bad-boy up with some good old fashioned water.  Water is WAY better at quenching thirst, not staining clothes, and not going nasty in the diaper bag if you accidentally leave it in there after your sunshine-filled-fun is over.  (I won’t judge!)

And let me remind you, Moms and Dads get thirsty too so it’s always a great idea to bring a big water bottle of your own.  I have frequently had one that served the main purpose of re-filling Graham’s cup and ended up taking a few swigs myself.

2.)    More Diapers! (and wipes)

I doubt I need to tell any mamas out there that it’s a good idea to always bring one or two more diapers than you think you’ll need.  In reality- you won’t need them. You really won’t.  BUT if you don’t bring them- your child will magically become the fountain of youth in his or her pants and you will end up with a soaked carseat and a soaking-wet screaming child.  I  hear it happens.
Also, some of us aren’t too great at re-stocking our diaper bags and it’s always great to have a buffer of some extra diapers from the last time in case you totally forget to grab some this time.

3.)    Extra clothes

Something I actually learned as a teacher before I was a mom- is that it’s always good to have an extra shirt (and pants if possible) for YOU… just in case.  A lot of moms use common sense to stick an extra onesie in the diaper bag for their baby, but I go ahead and throw a t-shirt in there for me too.  Babies aren’t the only ones getting covered in spit-up or soaked when there’s a diaper explosion.  Being out and about is bound to be WAY less stressful if you’re comfortable, and I don’t know about you, but NOT being wet and stinky is always a plus for me.

And while I’m throwing clothes in the diaper bag, I stick an outfit in there for my toddler too.  I usually go with something simple and light that won’t take up too much space and will “work” in any location. (So probably not footie pajamas.  Think tshirt and shorts.)

4.)    Hand Sanitizer

Baby wipes are fantastic at giving you a quick hand-wash if you’re grabbing lunch, but sometimes it’s nice to have that extra “sanitization” factor- especially if you’re somewhere like a theme park and your child has been hanging off of every hand-rail he or she can reach; after every weirdo under the sun has wiped their snotty fingers all over it.  (I speak as the girl who set her hand in a pool of fresh mucus while waiting in line for Buzz Lightyear many years ago.)  There are tons of cute little mini versions available so this shouldn’t take up too much space or be too inconvenient.  You can even buy a big one to keep at home for refills when your to-go size starts running low. 

5.)    Snacks

Ah. My favorite.  Snacks snacks snacks.  They will save your child from apparent-starvation, and you from apparent loss-of-sanity.  We like to just have a few mini Tupperware containers of different snacks to help switch things up.  I like to have a variety of sweet and salty and we try to go for more filling options.  (Graham crackers broken into fourths, Nilla Wafers, Goldfish crackers, club crackers, dry cereal, fruity marshmallows, pretzels, etc…)  Graham loves fruit gummies but I hate having to deal with the wrappers after he’s eaten them.  (Remember what I said about valuable real-estate? Every nook in that bag is precious!)

6.)    Sunscreen

I really have failed on this one.  But I have the best of intentions and I vow to be better!  When I was little- my mom would always slather us in sunscreen before we went to the beach.  And I had to keep on my shirt.  That was lame.  I hated it.  But now as an adult who can clearly see the horrific effects of skin cancer,  I am SO GLAD I was forced to be lame. 

While I’m great at sun-screening it up for Graham at the beach (Xander hasn’t been yet), I’d really like to get better about making sure he has it on anytime we are going to be outside for more than a dash from the car.  I feel like actually having it IN the diaper bag would make it a lot easier for me to remember.

I used to keep some Aveeno baby eczema lotion in the bag when Graham’s skin was breaking out, but he seems to be growing-out of his eczema (fingers crossed!) so I haven’t recently. (That’s valuable real-estate! Be prepared- but don’t carry more than you have to mama!)

{There are two of my elementary school friends looking way cool in their swimsuits on the beach and my brothers and I in our t-shirts on over our swimsuits. I had enough sunburns in my teens to leave me cowering under a blanket and umbrella when we go now though. My boys are lucky- Graham has some of those cool new sunscreen shirts and I'm totes jealous that we didn't have those.}

 So those are the essentials.  With a newborn I also add a spit-up cloth and a receiving blanket in addition to the regular baby blanket I keep in the carseat for a swaddle/nursing cover. 

Honorable Mention Items:

-Hair-ties/clips for mom!

-Pacifier (my boys don’t usually take one but we have it just in case)

-Socks for the kids (addresses blisters and/or chilly feet if you get wet and they are riding home in the A/C)

-Cell phone charger (Maybe it’s just because I’m addicted to technology, but everything goes a lot smoother if mom knows she isn’t going to be stranded somewhere with a dead cell phone.)

-Gripe Water/Baby Tylenol/Band-Aids/Other meds  (Holy goodness. Yes. Yes. Yes. This should probably actually go on the regular list. Gassy babies, unexpected teething, allergic reactions- these are all major fun-killers.  Your day out will end quickly or be incredibly miserable if you don’t have the necessary remedies.)

-A favorite toy (for entertaining during car rides, lines, etc… Don’t go overboard on the toys or bring a REAL favorite because it is entirely possible it will get lost and be gone forever.)

Ok this post is getting ridiculously long and it’s close to midnight so I’m off!  Thanks for dropping by, please come back and read the rest of our Fun in the Sun posts this week!

Ah, summer...

It's that special time of year where everybody complains about the incredible heatwave... that happened at this same time last year... with the same temperatures...

This season has a habit of making people forget about things that happened before, as every summer tends to mush together in our brains. We habit forming humans create routines for the seasons, and hot weather in particular produces shorts, flip flops, sunscreen, cool drinks, and late nights. Many people can relate to this, but only a special few can identify a summer when your life was on the verge of change. Your last summer before becoming a mother.

Having an autumn baby meant that I was steadily becoming heavily pregnant during the time of year when the sun was threatening to scorch the earth. More often than not I felt like an overheated manatee left out on the beach to dry. Being a person who loves to hang out by the pool, that summer was unusual for me because I never stopped by, not even once to dip my toes in. Feeling rather self-conscious I was worried my burgeoning baby bump would encourage unwanted gawking, especially as I reminisced about the summer prior how I had enjoyed sunbathing slathered in coconut oil with a smooth, flat tummy.

I became rather focused on how my body was changing, and while I gave some consideration to how my life would be affected, there is really nothing to prepare anyone for parenthood. I would think to myself I should relish my freedom while I still have it, but the luxury of solo trips to the store and being able to come and go as I please would not be something I could fully appreciate until it was gone. Thankfully my fear of losing everything I came to understand as a self-actualized adult was smoothly replaced by my growing excitement and anticipation as flutters became kicks and people began to recognize me as pregnant and not that fat girl with a pretty face.

Admittedly there were some aspects of the change that were unpalatable for me because I was experiencing my pregnancy alone; At that time my husband was deployed to Iraq so I was left to fend for myself. That meant when I got 11pm cravings for Wendy's, I would have to be my own best friend and go get it. When my belly got too big to see my body from the waist down, a mirror on the floor became responsible for making sure I was wearing the same pair of shoes on both feet. And most importantly, late at night when I got a sharp kick to the bladder, I didn't have anyone to pre-warm the seat for me, so I'd have to suck it up and plop down on a chilly toilet. Although these are all things I would have loved to have experienced with him, the independence of it all became another defining aspect of that summer.

I have many fun and even some not-so-pleasant memories from that time, but collectively it was a season I will forever cherish. During that short phase even though I thought I understood everything, it is only in hindsight that I can fully comprehend what a special and unique time in my life it was. My experiences I had back then will always stand apart from all the heatwaves I have had and will have from here on out - even when it's old age that turns my brain to mush and not the heat.  For the rest of my life, I will always honestly be able to share how I am blessed to have a summer memory as distinguished as turning the page in my life from being simply a woman to becoming a mother.
-JLH

JLH is the devoted wife of an adrenaline junkie soldier of the US ARMY, and the mother of a quirky and sassy five year old girl. The author has a love for the absurd, a penchant for the strange, and enjoys walking on the wacky side of life.

Summer with the Littles

I remember all the fun things I did as a kid. Most of which were just playing in the rain, digging for worms, ect. Now that I'm the mom, it's up to me to make sure my kids have some awesome summer memories to look back on too. Some days I'd rather curl up and read a book, but that's not happening. Ha ha. So I've tried really hard to find some fun things to keep us busy, and in hopes of helping other moms here are a few of our favorites that are free, or at least cheap:

1- Make a "Discovery Jar" this is something we've been doing for a couple of years now. We bought a huge jar and fill it with all sorts of things we find outside. It's full of dirt, rocks, bugs, pinecones, ect. I know this might not sound very exciting. But when we go outside and she sees a cool rock or something she gets so excited about her "Discovery!" And we walk around trying to find other cool things to put in it.

 2- Paint rocks. Luckily for me, this entertains both of my girls enough that they don't have a problem staying in the fenced in part of our yard to play happily.

 3- Build and Grow program. I know I've mentioned this before, it's a program at Home Depot that is free for your kids to go in and build things. My kids both love it! And they get to take home something they made themselves that they can be proud of. If you aren't able to make it the day of the program they also sell the kits you can take home and build on your own time.

 4- Freeze toys in ice. Let the kids chip them out. Again, takes a while and totally entertains them. Honestly, you don't have to even put toys in it. Kids love ice. I'm not sure why. Squinkies are perfect for this, as long as your little one is old enough for them to not be a choking hazard. You can also do bigger containers with bigger toys. :)

5- Balloons. The fun is endless! Blow them up and have a ping pong match with paper plates, throw them in the bath, see who can balance a balloon on their finger. Have a balloon fight. Balloons are so versatile and affordable! They are perfect indoor entertainment for bad weather days.

Of course there are the normal things, ride bikes, go on walks, throw rocks in a river, go camping, color, read books. But above are a few of my kids' favorites. What are some activities that keep your kids entertained in the summer? I would love for some new ideas. :)

Way down to Kokomo...

"Where is Kokomo?", "Can we go there?", "Now?” I asked my dad these innocent questions back in the summer of 1988 as I listened to the Beach Boy's song on the radio (You know, “Aruba, Jamaica, oooooo I wanna take ya…” yup, that Beach Boys’ song).

My dad laughed at me. To prove to him how serious I was about going to this beach paradise called Kokomo, (located somewhere in the distant Florida Keys, or so those Beach boys told me), that summer, I learned ALL of the song's lyrics. (Imagine an eight-year-old ME, running around singing the song, while combing my JEM doll’s hair and sporting my 80’s crimped hairdo). Ahh yes, the days when MTV played REAL music videos. 
 

Unfortunately, we did not end up going to Kokomo. *Sidenote: I found out that when the Beach boys sang about famous Kokomo, it wasn’t even a real place in the Florida Keys, which is kind of what the whole song was about. Whhuhhh?! Yes. It is true. There is a Kokomo, Indiana, but sadly no, not where I envisioned spending my summer. Silly Beach boys. Kokomo might as well have been the North Pole to me. Yeesh.

Even though Kokomo didn’t happen for me, I still have a lot of great summer memories. My summer faves, like my hair color, have changed a lot throughout the years. But there are some that will always be special to me. Like when my dad would grill on breezy, summer afternoons, or when we all went out for ice-cream sundaes together, when we could run like mad through ice-cold sprinklers and embarrassingly "gracefully" stumble on slip 'n slides, or when I would spend lazy days on the couch pouring over as many books as I could get my hands on. 

Those care-free days seemed to last much longer back then. And while I have many other fabulous and poignant summer reminiscences, there are a few that make me want to linger a little longer in my daydreams and just smile a little more. It has become important to me to keep these memories alive, and what better way to do that than through my own kids? Here are a few of my favorite childhood and adolescent summer memories I plan on sharing and re-living with mine:

  

1 ) S’mores, Quasi-camping, & Star-gazing. When I was around nine, my parents bought me a cool

astronomy set that would illuminate and reflect the stars and constellations onto my bedroom ceiling. I loved it! But nothing was better than watching the stars outdoors on cool summer nights while eating s’mores near a campfire. My own family wasn't big on camping (and I have to say BBH’s and my idea of camping is anywhere where there is a convenient, suitable restroom). But every year, I would get my “fix” of a quasi-camping experience at a dear family friend’s ranch. (I say quasi, because my family never spent the night, we just enjoyed the grub, socialized and yes, went back to our own cozy beds at the end of the night). Our friend would host this get-together and open up his ranch for many of his/our church friends to have dinner, enjoy each other’s company, and then camp overnight. It was here I had my first bite of the delectable s’more (insert angels singing in the back ground, pahhleease).  

   

2) Mixed tapes & Summer Journals- Ok, so we don’t have mixed tapes anymore (I’m dating myself here), but they were da bomb! (Heh heh...more dating here). Nothing was more fun that listening to some of my favorite summer tunes on my walk-man, like swanky ol’ Will Smith's Gettin’ jiggy it or may-he-ever-rest-in-peace 2-pac’s California love while writing about my latest fictitious, but ever-romantic summer gest, goals for the upcoming new school year, or maybe the deepest sentiments of my heart on that day. I hope that I can always encourage my kids to write down their hopes and dreams in journals... while listening to a mix tape, err…or I guess, a playlist, on their iPod, or cellphone, or whatever the heck is cool by then. 

           3)  “Sleep-unders”- In the summer, it was also the time for fun, memorable sleepovers with friends. While I, for the most part, had a good time at these, BBH and I have decided to forgo the favorite pastime for our littles. However, I recently heard about "Sleep-unders" which I think might be something we adopt in our house. For example, instead of an all-night sleep over, kids can invite their friends to come over in their pajamas, play fun games, eat yummy food ‘till their stomach hurts, maybe watch a movie, play all the "Mash" that they want and then poof! Before midnight, (and before everyone turns back into squeaky mice, fat pumpkins, or crazy walking-dead zombies), parents can come pick up their kiddos and everyone can go home and sleep in the comfort of their own beds. (I’m sure I might be deemed a party pooper to some and I know BBH and I know we will most likely suffer the forth-coming wrath of future teenagers Mini-me and My-girl, but I believe that sometimes parents have to make a judgment call on safety and have a bit more control over what our kids are exposed to in other people’s homes. The world is getting scarier, yo! Oh, and this article on courageous parenting also helped us with our choice).

       4) Water Nerf Gun wars and Swim parties. While we didn't have a pool in my house, there was always a friend who did and I have the BEST memories of playing Marco polo, chicken, shooting water guns at each other, and just enjoying the laziness of the day laying out in the warm sun.

      The best part of summers is that I can slooooww down and enjoy the simplest pleasures of life. At the end of each and every summer, I have learned to reflect on and love all of the serendipitous moments those summer days have given me. Those memories are what have made and continue to make my life rich with love and appreciation for my family and my children and make me ever-so excited to experience every summer after. 

The Sun Will Alway Beam Once More

I’ve always been fond of the expression “growing up in a summer haze.” I can easily daydream about my own idyllic childhood summer day: bees buzzing, sitting in a deckchair with my siblings surrounding me, iced drink to hand, juicy sliced mangoes and a never ending supply of quenepas (momoncillos) at reach. All is well in the world. No worries. Just fun. The days overlap and there is little difference between night and day. I imagine a simple, pleasant summer full of fun, adventure, and a sense of security, as you're surrounded with those you love.

This easy-to-imagine, sublime summer mist is a concept that is somewhat foreign to my childhood and growing years. I understood it. I wished I had it. I yearned for it. I wish my own children (current and future ones!) to have a nice big slice of it! We all have our own memories and meaning of summer. My summers weren’t always too “hot,” if you know what I mean.

There were short periods of time in my childhood and younger teen years when I had myself a good piece of this summer haze. I fondly remember spending hours alone behind my abuela’s (grandma's) house in Puerto Rico, playing with all of my barbies and stuffed animals.  I’d “cook” a scrumptious meal for them, made of all of my magical ingredients: crushed bugs, chicken feathers, egg shells, mud, leaves, etc. I'd pretend I was their mommy AND the perfect chef. Sometimes, I’d spend all day down at the river with my siblings and cousins. We would jump off of huge boulders into the inviting river and catch creepy-crawly crabs and colorful fish with our bare hands! That was my ideal summer. I loved bugs. I loved dirt. I loved water.
 

Often these safe periods in my life were crudely ended by experiences that would later leave me with deep and unmentionable (for years) emotional scars... scars that not even the safest and warmest future summer haze could conceal.

One day, without warning, my abuela and I drove to an office building in the pueblo (down town). I think I was about five or six.  I remember walking into the A/C cooled office space. I remember appreciating the contrast from the stiff and hot summery air outside. I recall sitting in that cold waiting room for what seemed like hours, -- goose bumps on my arms and legs. 
 

I remember a woman with a penciled skirt and a shiny necklace calling us (abuela and me) back from the waiting room to meet an elderly couple who had arrived. I approached curiously, becoming more concerned and skeptical by the moment. This couple people would soon rip me from my home and siblings. I was being “given away.” I did not understand. I did not know what I did wrong. I felt sorry that I had ever misbehaved.  I remember wondering if my sisters knew about this transaction and agreed to “give me away.”  “Why didn't they want me?” I thought to myself frantically.  I remember the burn on my cheeks. The heat radiating from my face. The cooling tears streaming down and the saltiness they left on my lips. The fear consumed me. I held on tightly to my abuela, but she did not hold me back. It was time for me to go with Them… my new foster parents. I don't blame my grandma for the heartache and fear I endured, but this pain was certainly the effect of some action taken by someone somewhere along the way. I love my abuela and all that she did for us. Still, that is one unpleasant summer memory that will remain unforgotten.   

 

Because of the quality of life I grew up with and the challenges I've faced, I’ve come to really value summers, and quality of life experiences in general. Everyone (children especially) deserves good summer memories! Memories allow us to make sense of the world and people around us. It makes us who we are today. Summer is a time for new beginnings and unforgettable activities. I hope to provide my children with great summer memories and the skills to deal with the not-so-ideal summer experiences. There will always be a new summer to plan for, traditions to start, and a family to grow! So no matter how not-so-hot your summers may have been, the sun will always beam down once more.

 

 

 

 

Tainted Summers

Bell rings, students jump, papers are left forgotten. School’s out! Summer has arrived.

I remember those quintessential last days of school easily because that final bell always seared multiple emotions on my heart including relief (that the school part of school was over momentarily) and anxiety (over summer plans).

You see, a lot of my summer memories are tainted.  

Yes, I can recall the late night games of hide-and-go-seek, swimming, mosquito bites, and reading the new Harry Potter books. I remember band camps, friends, and plums (my favorite summer snack). Those memories are not to be sweep under the rug. I had good moments. I had some great friends.

circa 2004???
(that's me on top! My dear brother and BFF on the bottom left)

But, in general, summer time—the memories of my summers—are not all pleasant. Thus, when I was asked to write about “favorite summer memories” I honestly felt like I should take a different approach—my real approach. My actual story.

My parents divorced when I was 3 (or 4?). It was not an amicable split and as the years progressed I often felt torn between two families, two completely different worlds. 

I spent the school year living with my mom, but then suddenly I had to go see my dad for at least 6 weeks each summer. New friends (or I should say “no friends”). New home. New church. New rules. And sometimes even a new country (my dad was military).

It was never easy. It was never easy leaving my mom. It was never easy getting into a routine at my dad’s house just in time to be flown back to West Virginia. For the tween and teenage me, it’s no wonder I often felt depressed and codependent, and why I would spend the weeks leading to summer break unable to eat anything but rice because my stomach problems and my acid reflux were so severe (not exaggerating).

My mind, as a 24 year old, still has to wrap around the ramifications of a shared summer. In many ways, divorce steals a child’s childhood. I didn’t always feel safe. I didn’t always feel loved by certain parties. And I most certainly didn’t enjoy the back and forth visitations and quips between parents, even though I loved my parents completely. 

It was easier during the school year. Most days I was tucked away in quiet West Virginia staying overly busy with school projects and activities. Yes, every other Thanksgiving and Christmas my brother and I packed our bags and headed to my Dad's home. But those were one week visits. Summer time? Much longer. I'm not saying that kids shouldn't visit their "other" parent! I know (now) that it was important for me to visit my father. However, I do believe the transitions and the time frames of visits could have been handled better by everyone involved. 

Being divorced has worked out very well for both of my parents (they both remarried quickly, and I love my step-parents just like I do my mom and dad!), and I now have amazing relationships with each of my parents. Truly, I do. But if my summers taught me anything it’s that I never want a divorce. Do I believe there can be a valid reason for a divorce? Yes (abuse), but I know my gentle giant of a husband would never succumb to that. I’ve learned for myself how raw and heartbreaking divorce can be. It was the summer fun sucker!

Now, don’t get me wrong. I had a pretty good childhood. It could have been extremely worse. And, like I said, I love my parents. But summers? They weren’t always that fun. Yes, I had the camps and sleepovers but as I’ve grown older (and maybe more cynical, ha!) the “fun” memories fade a bit and, more so, I can recall the trials. I don’t view this as a completely negative shift in my thoughts, though. The Lord in His tender mercies has turned—and is turning—these trials into experiences for my growth and well being. Since marrying Brandon I have used the safety of our relationship to open up and work through many emotions that connect back to the trial of my school-age summers. I am learning to give my heart to the Lord, and I’ve learned that if the past has me down He is the only true way to real peace and happiness.

Someday Summers

In 2010, I took a summer job working as a pool monitor at a community pool near my house.  (Pool monitor as in I sat by the pool, had residents sign-in, and yelled at people if they broke rules.)  I was definitely not a life guard, and I was definitely very bored 90% of the time and very overwhelmed and busy the other 10% of the time.   People liked to drink beer at the pool.  Kids like to swim at the pool without an adult.  Old people liked to take the floating divider between the deep and shallow end down so they could swim laps.  Old men liked to ask me inappropriate questions , and old women liked to ask me if I’d pet-sit their cats.  Many pool-goers liked to listen to loud music on their portable stereos, swim in cut-off shorts instead of the appropriate swimwear, and… wait for it- shower naked in the wide-open rinse-off shower beside the pool.  And they all liked to yell at me when I asked them to stop.

It wasn’t all bad.  That summer was particularly rainy- and whenever there was thunder and/or lightning,  I was allowed to officially close the pool.  Closing the pool meant no one could swim- but I was allowed to stay in the pool house and continue getting paid.  That was also the summer I got a new laptop and my first iPhone.  Technological bliss.  I beat Plants vs. Zombies, ate a lot of lean pockets, rea-read the Harry Potter Series, Crocheted a scarf, and got one of the only tans I’ve ever had in my life. 

               That was also the first summer I’d ever taken summer classes.  Things were low-key… but also busy.  I definitely wasn’t miserable…but something was just “off” about the whole “life going on as usual” over the summer.

               When I was little, summer meant setting-up our kiddie pool in the backyard and leaving it out for days on end until the water was warmer than a bathtub.  I remember once my mom brought the shampoo outside and we washed our hair while in our swimsuits and under the sun.

               Summer meant going to the beach and drinking Capri suns we had frozen in the freezer the night before.  I remember collecting seashells and the smell of sulfur water when we’d rinse our feet off at the fountain before going home.  My dad would rinse us off with the hose when we got home, and then I’d run inside to jump in the warm bath my mom had started.  I was the only girl so I got the tub to myself.   The bottom of the tub was still always covered with sand; and sometimes some shells.

               When I was in middle school, summer meant sleepovers.  I remember my friends and I making the rounds between all our houses and staying for days on end.  We’d hang out in our swim suits, bike to McDonalds, make tie-dye shirts, and stay up all night talking.  We made a pact that we’d be friends forever.

              

               Summer meant girls camp.  We’d go canoeing and build fires.  We binged on soda and Doritos, and wore our hair in French-braid pig-tails.  We sang Avril Lavigne and All American Rejects songs at the top of our lungs until our leaders begged us to sing something different.  We decorated our cabins and licked the crepe paper, because the older girls told us it was tradition and we had to; and then when we were the older girls because it really had become tradition…even though we didn’t have to, and it tasted horrible.

               When I was in high school, summer meant crushes.  I wasted an entire family vacation pining after my then-boyfriend.  I signed onto the computer every chance I got to see if he’d e-mailed me.  I wish we had just been friends instead.  I remember staying up all night chatting online with all my friends.  I’d sleep in late the next morning until my mom made me get up and do my chores.  My friends would throw pool parties and we’d all try to act super cool.  To me, we succeeded. I always felt really cool hanging out with them. 

               Summer meant goodbye.  Some of my friends started college classes before I did.  I remember three of my girlfriends and I all sitting on my bed- staring at the beta fish I’d purchased to take with me to college.  I remember it feeling uncomfortable.   None of us were going to the same school.  Things were changing already.  We tried to take pictures making silly expressions with our faces all crammed together like we used to- but it just felt sad.  I don’t know if any of our smiles were genuine. 

               In college, summer meant love.  My husband and I were engaged the summer after my freshman year, and married in the fall.  That summer also meant realizing that not all my friends were ready to grow up.  I remember letting that realization sink-in; but I also remember reuniting with old friends.  The friends who I’d made a pact with so many years ago.  A new chapter was beginning- and it was picking-up from a dog-eared page that I’d left forgotten.

               Now, summer means a break.  A time-out from work and a chance to re-focus on my family.  Summer means finishing projects, watching TV,  and snuggling with my boys. 

              

               A few weeks after the Summer and my pool job ended, my husband and I found out we were expecting our first baby.  We were over the moon!  He was born June 23^rd, and this year we welcomed our second bundle of joy  on June 8^th.  Two June Bugs, my summer babies.

               Someday I hope that they look back on their summers and remember them fondly.  Mine have been filled with both bitter and sweet, but I wouldn’t trade them for anything. 

Smells Like Summer Spirit

Did you know that the sense that triggers memory best is the sense of smell? I wasn't sure that I really bought into that theory, until I had morning sickness. To this day, I cannot bottled Febreze without my stomach turning, even though it's been over a decade since its lovely aroma sent me rushing to my porcelain bff with baby #1. Now I'm a believer.

So when I was thinking about this week's topic, "favourite summer memories", it wasn't surprising to me when all my favourite memories involve smells.

Every season of my life has brought different smells. Some are good. Some are  less good. But all have been part of the journey. 

My childhood summers smelled like cut grass, sunscreen, chlorine, smoke from the bug zapper. They smelled like ebelskivers cooking in the cast iron pan, with a little bit of burned jam that leaked from the side. Bonfires and fireworks on the fourth of July. Tomatoes being canned. Grandma McKenna's bedsheets. Mint tea and flower gardens. It smelled like the gasoline from the garage where Grandpa's tractor was kept. It smelled like Chessmen cookies at bedtime.

The summers of my youth smelled like the barn. Saddle soap and leather. Fly spray and molasses coated grain. They smelled like the first few minutes after a good rain after we've waited under the overhang to take the horses out for a nice long ride. They smelled like porta-a-johns where I'd cope with pre-horse show jitters and sweat from underneath my helmet. They smelled like salt water and sand and the only kind of fish I can handle (the kind that I am not expected to eat). They smelled like books; sweet-smelling ink, old paper and binding. Those summers smelled like hot dogs and white cheddar and pink applesauce at Grandma's house and BBQ chicken on the grill on the front porch.

My teenage summers still smelled like the barn but they also smelled like movie theatres and Smith Mountain Lake and the stale cigarette smoke from my 1988 Oldsmobile Cutlass. They smelled like the wood flooring at my first job and my favourite Chinese buffet. They smelled like my first boyfriend's cologne and sun ripened raspberry body splash. They smelled like Frank's Pizza. And sunshine and line-dried bed sheets (back in the day when I actually got to be in bed long enough to see sunshine or smell sheets). They smelled like the hospital and the chemotherapy room and saline from mom's IV. They smelled like my hands after holding hers.

Summer still smells amazing as an adult. It smells like freshly bathed babies and sunscreen. Like fresh strawberry shortcake. Like the paper bags at the Pole Green Produce Market and dirt from the softball field. It smells like smoke from the grill on my husband's shirt and watermelon slices. It smells like home baked bread and honey and the outside of Bruster's Ice Cream. It smells like open windows during thunderstorms and sweaty children. It smells like bug spray and peanut butter and the vapor from number six's nebulizer treatments. It smells like cobbler and eczema cream and s'mores and exhaustion (yes, exhaustion does, in fact, have a smell).

And speaking of exhaustion, and how it smells...it smells like this woman. Twelve hour car trips with six children is like the essential oil of exhaustion. It's concentrated and pressed and stuck in a tiny little bottle and when you open it, boy is it going to get ya.

So thank you for enduring my nostalgic trip down memory smell lane. I am going to go walk around in circles forgetting what I'm supposed to be doing.