Working on Staying at Home- Guest Post by Robyn

" Stay at home mom. "

          For some, this term brings up feelings of guilt at having to be a working mom, for others it may bring up feelings of confusion as to how someone could “sit at home” all the time, and for yet others it is simply the term used to describe what they are. 

The decision on whether to be a stay at home mom or a working mom is a very difficult one to make. No matter which decision you choose to make, there are judgments cast against you. Working moms are criticized for not being around to raise their children, for not being home enough. People say things like, “I don't know how you do it.” or “How could you leave your baby?” Stay at home moms are criticized for not helping to provide for their families and for sitting around all day doing nothing. People question how you don't get bored or joke about how nice it must be to have so much free time. The truth is, there are sacrifices to be made in either decision, and they are sometimes very hard ones to make.

            When I had my first son, there was no question; I was staying home with him for as long as I could. I stayed with him for nineteen exhausting and amazing months. It was a very tight, difficult time for my family, but I absolutely cherish every second I was able to spend with him, and in many ways they were the best nineteen months of my life. My son and I bonded in such a special way that I just don't think would have been possible had I spent all of those days at work rather than with him. Sometime towards the end of those months, though, my husband and I decided it would be best for everyone if I went back to work. We wanted to buy a house, so the money would be nice, and I needed to do something “useful” for my own sense of self worth. Going back to work was one of the hardest things I have ever done. I cried for weeks beforehand, and every time I dropped my son off to daycare for almost a year. I felt so guilty that I was spending more time at work than with my child and that someone else was essentially raising my child instead of me. Every bad habit that was brought home from daycare, and every new thing he learned was a reminder that someone else had more influence on him than I did.

           Shortly after I started working, my husband and I got pregnant with our second child. I was so excited, but with that also came the dread of telling the superiors at my job. Being a teacher to middle school children, I did not have the pleasure of hiding my pregnancy or breaking the news in my own way. My students were kind enough to call me out in class one day, something along the lines of, “Are you pregnant? You used to be really skinny and now you're not.” Thanks so much for noticing. By the way, I was only about eight weeks along. Fortunately, a lot of teachers are women so schools seem to be pretty understanding and accepting of pregnancies. It wasn't very long before the gossip started, though. While walking through the office one day, I overheard two coworkers talking about me and how they were certain I wouldn't come back to work after the baby was born, saying, “It must be nice to have money like that, wish I could just stay home”. This sort of judgment has never made sense to me. Lets face it, unless you are in someone's everyday life, you have no idea what their finances are or what sacrifices might be being made to make something happen.

            My second son was born in September. I stayed home for 8 weeks, though I received some grief for that from a few coworkers, including an email that was highlighted and done in bold stating the average maternity leave is only 6 weeks. I knew before he was born that I wanted to stay home with him for at least his first year. For various reasons, I returned to work after my 8 weeks off, with the intent of only staying for 5 weeks. I enjoy my job, but I enjoy being a mom more. I have come to the conclusion that it is impossible to give your all to both your job and your children. In the end, one or both ends up suffering. The hardest part about my decision to once again be a stay at home mom, was giving my resignation.

            I don't care how old you are, the principal is scary. Having only worked at my school for a little over a year, I did not know my principal well, other than that she did not go out of her way to talk to me, and she made me nervous any time she did. I decided the best thing for my nerves would be to send a resignation letter via email. Call me a coward if you like, but it was much easier that way. Much to my surprise, my principal was not only very understanding of my decision, but during one conversation she told me that in twenty years I will look back and know that I made the right decision. In another conversation she suggested that I could return to my job when my kids were in school, and in yet another she told me I was welcome back any time I like and asked if I would be willing to substitute once in a while.

            It has been three weeks since my return to stay at home mom status, and in so many ways it is different than the first time I held that title. I do not get to spend hours just gazing upon the face of my little baby, and I do not get to spend all day laughing and playing with my little boy. Life with two children is a little more chaotic than with just one. But it is also that much more beautiful. I have the pleasure of watching my boys interact, which can be one of the most heart wrenching, amazing things I have ever seen. I get to watch my sons grow and learn each and every day. I really don't believe a day goes by that I am not amazed by my toddlers intelligence, compassion, sense of humor, and imagination. The baby gets bigger by the minute I think, and is learning and talking and becoming his own little person as well.

            While I am sure at some point, perhaps even multiple times, during my time as a stay at home mom, I will feel unappreciated or useless or invaluable. See, we as moms are very hard on ourselves over everything. I am not sure that we can help it. As I have felt in the past, I am sure I will have pangs of guilt when I am spending money that I did not earn, or doing something fun with the kids while my husband is at work. Then I will remind myself, or likely my husband will remind me, that I am valuable and I do have a purpose and my job is important.

Monogrammed Memories- A Christmas Tree Ornament Tutorial by Guest Author Cara

One of my most favorite memories growing up always started at the beginning of the holiday: decorating my step-mom’s house for Christmas. She is the type of woman that used to (and still does) go all out for Christmas. It always started the same way, every Saturday after Thanksgiving-by unpacking her Christmas closet… yes, closet. We were blessed to have a gorgeous home with very tall ceilings, so we always got a tree that was 9 or 10 feet tall. This, obviously, means that decorating said tree was a two, if not three person job. 

Every year, my step-mom would let my dad and I put on the lights while she unpacked the ornaments. And every year, she retold the same stories about who gave her each ornament, and when-sometimes down to the date. In my childhood years, I never understood her appreciation for her hand-made collections. And when it came time to put the ornaments on the tree, I always got the same speech: “Be careful with that one, so and so gave that to me,” with almost everything I picked up.

Now that I’m older, I have my own tree, and I am starting to understand what her mild obsession with these ornaments involve; a little bit of love, for those handmade from family and friends, a special memory, for those purchased on vacation or a trip somewhere special, and even a little place in her heart, from the ornaments given to her by relatives who are no longer with us. 

Before my biological mom passed, she made ornaments for her family and friends, and gave them away each year. In the 20 years since her passing, some of those friends and relatives have given these ornaments back to me. Since my mother died when I was so young, their value to me is increased tenfold-it’s almost like having a part of her with me each Christmas when I go to hang them on my tree.

So last year, I decided that I would carry on my mother’s DIY ornament tradition, and I set out to make a special ornament for everyone on my Christmas list. I, of course, took to Pinterest for some design inspiration, and that landed me here.

I loved the way these ornaments looked when finished, and the cool marbled effect it created. But I wanted to take it up a notch, and make the ornament personal to every family I gave it to. My solution?

Monogramming!

Monogramming is the best way to give a gift that is 100% original-it really tells the receiver that you thought about them specifically when making it. But if you’re blessed with a family large enough to fill a high school gymnasium, giving a monogrammed gift to every single person can get expensive. So rather than making one of these little babies for every person in the family, I gave one to the household, and used their last name for the monogram initial.

So here’s what you’ll need:

• Acrylic Paint
• Clear Ornament
• (you can use round or flat, I went with flat because I wanted the monogram to lie evenly)
• Sticker or Paint Pen (for monogram)

Start by dripping the lightest color paint into the top, leaning the opening of the paint lid against the inside of the ornament so you get as much on the side as possible.

Work your way from lightest to darkest, filling in the gaps around the top of the ornament. When you have covered the lip of it on the inside, cover the opening with paper or cellophane (or your fingers, just be prepared to get paint on them), and start shaking that baby. I turned this one on its side and tapped it on the table to get the paint to move where I wanted it.

This was the end result. You can continue tapping until you get more of a color combination like the original one, but I really loved the way this one looked.

Then, pick the side you like best, and add your monogram.

I highly recommend letting the excess paint that is inside drip out before you put the stopper back into the top of the ornament. I inverted mine into a Kleenex box with some paper towels in the bottom of it to catch the paint.

When it’s dry, carefully stick the metal top back into the ornament, and you have a beautiful gift under $5.00. I have already given some of these to family members we see before Christmas, and the looks on their faces when I told them I made them myself meant the world to me. This project is also easy enough to let the kiddos get involved! My 3 year old had a blast “helping” mommy swirl the paint around.

Now, when they hang this ornament on their tree each year, I know that they will think of me.
And isn’t that what this season is all about?

1,000 thanks to Jessica for letting me share this with you all! If you feel so inclined, feel free to visit me more often over at my blog (www.things-that-glitter.blogspot.com).

I hope you all have a very Merry Christmas and a fantastic New Year!

-Cara

How to have a very Merry Christmas:

Christmas is upon us.

Are your palms sweaty? Did your pulse quicken?  Because I know I'm pretty delirious- and it's NOT because Santa's coming to town.

Gone are the days when sugar plums danced in my head.  The days when I made green and red construction paper "countdown chains" and sang all the annoying extra lyrics to Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer at the top of my lungs until my parents went legally deaf.

Now it's all about number crunching- scheduling- and the looming EXPECTATIONS.

I'm not 100% sold that our parent's generation or their parent's generation had quite the same level of holiday pressure many of us are facing today.  Mom-bloggers and new reporters alike are finding themselves more and more drawn to the topic of minimizing the holiday-buzz, going "back to the basics", and the ever-popular "true meaning" of the holiday spirit.

We talk the talk: facebook rants, head-shaking at Christmas store displays in October, and telling our friends that we don't do a lot of presents for Christmas... but how many of us are actually walking the walk?

Before you hang your head in guilt- let me give you a little pat on the back.  You're probably doing the best you can.  It's not easy in the world of Mommy-wars/Pinterest show-offs/and facebook brags.  There's a lot of amazingly awesome spectacular ideas out there.  "New" family traditions (*cough* elf on the shelf *cough*) around every corner.  There's no way you can do it all.  You just...can't.

It becomes really easy really quick to start to absolutely hate "the most wonderful time of the year".

So before you bah-humbug it all and thrown in the as-seen-on-Pinterest-personalized-cross-stitched-holiday-themed- towel...

Here are my TOP TEN WAYS TO *let yourself* ENJOY THE HOLIDAYS.

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1.) Pick and Choose.

When my husband and I got married (a late November wedding), Christmas was almost immediate.  And naturally, we found ourselves in conversation about our various family traditions and Christmas memories from over the years.  The next big question: what are OUR family traditions going to be?

Whether you're married or not- this is a question everyone is eventually faced with.  What parts of Christmas do I want to make a priority each year?  Whatever you decide needs to be a personal decision, and you should stick with it! (...that's the tough part about traditions- you've got to keep going!) But don't stress over the finality of it all- you can always introduce a *new* Christmas tradition later. ;)

{img credit: here }

2.) Reflect.
Most children look forward to the holidays. (I mean- what ISN'T exciting about a day of goodies, laughter, and overall happiness?)  For some reason- over time that magic may seem to flicker and fade.  I have been witness to the magic of having children- and I have been amazed at the precious re-kindling I have felt as I experience the joy of the holidays through the eyes of a little one.

The feeling is almost intoxicating- and I'm sure many parents can relate when I say I wanted to make Christmas for my sons the BEST CHRISTMAS EVER! But before I found myself neck-deep in toy-debt I took a minute to remember my own favorite Christmas memories.  Making Christmas goodies with my family, pulling out ornaments on our advent calendar, making Christmas crafts... these were the things I remembered.  And those are the things I need to make a priority now.

3.) Ditch the criticism.

I don't know anyone who wants to be considered materialistic.  I also don't know anyone who can't understand why someone may be excited about getting a gift.  (and if they claim so- they are lying.)  While getting *stuff* isn't a healthy main-focus for anyone- I want to take a step back and remind you of this little old book.

[Learn more about Love Languages here.]

Receiving and giving gifts is a legitimate love language people.  Not any more or less valid than the others.  Just like it wouldn't be healthy to focus on purely physical touch or only on words of affirmation- I can understand how only caring about gifts could be cause for concern.  But I think we can also agree that once or twice a year (I love birthdays!) is not completely unreasonable for some people to be excited about receiving gifts!  It feels good to know someone was thinking about you- so stop feeling guilty for counting those presents under the tree.  You get a free-pass.  Just don't shove your 11 presents in the face of cousin Tilda's 4.


4.) Know when to say NO.

Many of us can relate to the concept of a hectic holiday schedule. It's like my calendar throws-up between the months of October and January.  Holiday parties, family get-togethers, catching up with friends... it doesn't take much for some of us to get a little overwhelmed.  The holidays tend to have a sense of nostalgia and sentiment unique from the rest of the year.  And that can remind us of what who is most important.  Unfortunately, that also puts a fire under our butts to hurry and spend as much time as humanly possible with those people.

Something to remind yourself of this Christmas- those people aren't going to be any less important in January...February... or June.  There may be people traveling into town exclusively for the holidays- make them a priority and save visiting with your local friends and family for the rest of the year.  If you don't take the time to relax and enjoy the holidays- you could literally make yourself sick- and then you won't have any choice but to sit at home and relax (miserably) because no one is going to want to hang-out with your snot-nosed face.  (Sorry- that was mean...)

5.)  Remember those who aren't with us- and those they left behind.
It's heartbreaking to think that during this season of joy and wonder- suicide rates are actually on the rise.  I can't think of anything worse in this life than losing a loved-one and seeing everyone around you happy and celebrating with their loved ones can be a lot like rubbing salt in a fresh wound.  Even losses years-decades old can be brought fresh to the surface with the memories embedded deeply in this magical season.

When you're in pain- it can be easy to let that pain overtake you- and any joy and laughter can seem unattainable.  It's important to let yourself feel the peace that can come with Christmas and use that peace to uplift yourself and those around you.

Find ways to keep your loved ones alive in our hearts and memories.  My father in law passed-away just before I met my husband and while I never met him- I can definitely feel his spirit in the way my husband and his family talk about him and celebrate his memory.  My father in law's birthday is December 4th so my husband and I have made it a tradition to put our tree up on that day.  It's something simple- but it's also something special and meaningful that keeps him alive in our hearts and home.

{Img Credit: here }

Also, remember that not all loss is through death.  Individuals who have faced divorce, separation, military deployment, addictions and other struggles can also feel depressed and alone this time of year.  Make it a point to recognize and remember these people.  Invite them to low-key but meaningful events and include them in activities like caroling or cookie drop-offs.  These little things can sometimes mean the world to someone who feels like the world is against them.

6.) Indulge
I can't tell you how many people tell me every year how much weight they expect to gain over the holidays- and how they are dreading the consequences.  To them, I say- stop.  Just stop.  Of course, you shouldn't stuff yourself silly every day for two months.... but two or three big Christmas meals won't make you gain 50 pounds.

Plan ahead and be responsible.  If there are only two of you in your house- you probably don't need a gallon of eggnog in your fridge at all times.  Be reasonable and have things in moderation- but when you have them ENJOY THEM.  Don't spend the entire feast complaining and dreading- let yourself taste every pepperminty chocolate-dipped piece of heaven you can get your hands on... because you deserve it!

Just stop when you're full.

7.) Minimize expenses

There are about a thousand different budgeting ideas on the web- but for some reason, Christmas always seems exempt from reason when it comes to your bank account and your heartstrings suddenly have full control over your wallet.

Look up some Christmas-budgeting ideas via sites like Pinterest and come up with a plan that works for you so those holiday bills don't sneak up on you unexpectedly.  Few things can cause stress like money troubles- don't invite them to your home this Christmas by getting carried-away with gifts, parties, decorations, and dinners.  Keep it simple and classy.  Minimalism is in style! ;)

8.) Slow down and get enough sleep

Hustle and Bustle are synonymous with the holiday season.  I admit my husband and I actually enjoy going to the mall during the Christmas season just to let ourselves get caught up in the rush for a little while.  There's something exciting about it.  Although... we try to have our shopping 100% done by that point so we can just enjoy the atmosphere without actually rushing around ourselves.

It can be fun to get caught-up in the excitement... but not when you don't have any other option and you're pressed for time in finding that "perfect" gift for a steal of a price.  Along with knowing when to say no- you need to make it a point to slow down and take things easy.  Running on high for days on end with minimal sleep is not a recommended means of being your happiest most enjoyable self.  (Can I get an "Amen!" moms?)

Instead- budget your time with a full-nights worth of rest.  There will be a few nights where you may stay up late to look at Christmas lights or visit at a work party- but don't make them a daily habit or you'll wear yourself thin and end up falling asleep in the recliner in the living room while everyone else is gleefully tearing wrapping paper to shreds.


9.) Connect and Pray

For many of us- there really is a truer-deeper meaning to Christmas- and without recognizing it we wouldn't be able to honestly enjoy it in our heart of hearts.  It's important to recognize our spiritual well-being during this beautifully touching time of year.

Christmas is about love, joy, and peace.  You should seek out people and things that accentuate those feelings and avoid those that don't.  There's no need to flaunt your higher-purpose reason for the season- it should be a sacred, personal experience.  However, while you don't want to come off holier-than-thou, you also shouldn't be afraid to share your spiritual experiences with friends and family.  Invite neighbors to service projects, sing Christmas carols at a nursing home, donate an evening of your time or some cans to a homeless shelter or soup kitchen.  Joy in good deeds is a universal experience regardless of religion or spiritual beliefs.

Don't be afraid to offend- and even more importantly... don't be offended.  

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10.)  Don't expect miracles.

I remember one year being incredibly disappointed in my Christmas presents.  I was a teenager after all- so I'm not sure anything short of a million dollars would have impressed me- but it was still a bummer feeling.

We spend a month working ourselves up for one day each year.  With all the hype- there's bound to be some let-down.  Try to prep yourself beforehand.  Lower your expectations and allow yourself to be surprised and happy with the little things.

Let yourself be amazed and remember the magic.

Have a very Merry Christmas!

The 10 day Count Down to Halloween: Fun Family Activities!

I looked in the mirror and jumped back at what I saw. 

“What am I again?” I asked my dad. 

“You’re supposed to be a mime." 

“Oh…ok,”  I said slowly trying not to hurt my dad’s feelings. 

“Everyone’s going to love it!” he quickly added. 

Yeah, if they don’t run from me first, I thought.  

As I stepped back from the mirror, I felt like I was one of Dr. Frankenstein’s creations, a guinea pig really to one of my dad’s crazy experiments of Halloween make-up “artistry”. Being only 10, I wanted to be something a little cuter, like a fairy, or maybe a princess. But my dad wanted to try out some cool face paint for a mime costume that he and my mom had put together for me. While I can’t seem to find a picture of what I looked like after that memorable make-up session (honestly, what a bummer)…I vaguely remember kind of looking like one of these guys:

Or maybe a little like her. 

Needless to say, I wasn’t crazy about that year’s costume, but I have to say, I never did forget it.

Years later, I now smile at the thought of all of those funny costumes and botched make up attempts, the tummy aches from all of the candy we ate and the hysterical memories of my dad trying on silly costumes in attempt to make us all laugh until it hurt. 

  Halloween is one of my favorite holidays because my parents truly did make it so special for all of us. 

My dad always took us trick-or-treating and helped with our costumes. I cherish the time I spent with him. The memories we all made together laid a foundation of what I wanted my own kids to experience. When BBH and I finally had kids, we promised we would make the holiday season always memorable and exciting for them just as we had experienced as kids and even better, if possible. 

With Halloween only 10 days away, I found it befitting to share some of our little family's top 10 Halloween and Fall bucket list activities. I'm almost positive (and hope) a few will make your list as well!

10-Decorate your haunted haven with some fall flair- Kick off the autumn season with some fall decorations! There are lots of great ways online to decorate your home without breaking the bank. Little by little and year by year you can add to your fall decorations. Last year I made a version of this:

Image credit: cjaneblog.blogspot.com

And this:

Image credit: myheartsdesireblog.com

9- Conjure up your costumes together- Finding costumes for a family of four or more can cost a pretty penny! Take some time to brainstorm a few months in advance and gather materials to make your own creative costumes together with your family. Check out this awesome website for ideas on how to find or make costumes while on a budget. There are also great deals at consignment shops or hand-me-downs from friends and family members.

Image credit: funcheaporfree.com

8- Promenade down to the local pumpkin patch- Many cities have local farms with pumpkin patches and offer organic produce at great prices. Take a weekend to go check out one or two and take advantage of the perfect fall family photo opportunities, too!

7- Have a pumpkin carving contest- Make it a yearly family tradition to carve or decorate pumpkins the week before Halloween! There are a lot of free jack-o-lantern patterns online. Here are some free ones from Pumpkin Masters and Orange and Black Pumpkins.

One of our carved pumpkins from last Halloween!

6- Support a local family 5k or 1-mile fun run- The fall & holiday season not only kick off lots of fun activities, but also many sweets, goodies and heavy meals. Look for a local community fun run that will not only support a great cause but will help your family stay fit and healthy throughout the months.

5- Make Halloween Treats together- Come October I'm ready to start smelling the warm aroma of baked goods and especially that familiar smell of pumpkin chocolate chip bread. Here is an amazing recipe to try from Two Peas & Their Pods. Mini-me and My-girl are already becoming accustomed to my love for chocolate and baking. Wrap a loaf or two up and swing them by a neighbor's or friend's house. They will love you for it!

Credit Image: Two Peas & Their Pod

4-“Boo” your neighbor- Try this fun take on a "Secret Santa" and make this a new Halloween tradition with the fam. To start a Halloween "Boo", leave a small gift basket, a "Boo" poem, the instructions and a "Boo" sign at a neighbor's doorstep. The neighbor receiving the Boo posts the "We've been Boo-ed" sign on their window (so that others know they've already been "boo-ed") and is then asked to "Boo" two other households, which leads to a spooktacular neighborhood chain reaction of neighborly love.

Image Credit: Organized home

3- Make Halloween crafts-Enjoy your time with the kiddos by making a few fun crafts to frame and add to your fall decor. Here is one we'll be making soon: 

Image credit: Makegreat.wordpress.com

And here is a wonderful site with lots more for you and your family to try: 100- Fall Activities & Crafts for the Kids.

2-Have a pumpkin party with the family. Have a pumpkin-themed dinner and party with your family and friends! Here are a couple of websites to get some ideas flowing:

-Homemade Simple

-Wants and wishes design

1-Watch Halloween movies- Nothing makes me more happy than eating caramel-covered popcorn while cuddling up with my loves and watching a Halloween movie. I’m typically a big chicken, but I love a good Halloween kid flick. Some of my favorite movies were It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown and Hocus Pocus. Here is a list of some of the best Halloween movies for the kids, ranked from the least to most spooky from Reader's Digest. 

Image credit: Best Halloween Movies for Kids from Reader's Digest

Happy Halloween!!

Tech-KNOW-logy: A letter to my former high school students and my future teenage children

Dear former students and future mini-me & my-girl:

I remember a time when cell phones were the size of bricks and were scarce...like I only really saw Zack Morris from Saved by the Bell use one...

Zack Morris. Very cool (in the 90's).

I remember when a word processor was so much cooler than a type writer and I would to use it to type up my school papers.

Word processor...I can't BELIEVE I used to used these

I remember when instead of seeing people attached to their cell phones, I’d see them listening to music on their walk-mans or boom boxes or perhaps (gasp) not using any gadget while walking.

Loved walkmans..P.S. my first cassette ever was Vanilla Ice, baby.

I remember a time when I had to use a payphone to call someone (yup..don’t miss that one).

I remember when I would walk on my college campus in the late 90’s and could lock eyes with almost anyone and say hi to them because we didn’t have many hand-held distractions back then.

I remember when I was watching an episode of one of the first reality TV shows ever, called the Real World on MTV, and thought: Are there really people that stupid who would want to expose so many intimate, personal details of their lives on television?

It doesn’t seem that long ago. Ok, well maybe it's a little longer than I’d like to admit.

Of course, now we all live in one of the most cutting-edge and exciting times. You are part of an amazing generation. Your potential is limitless and your options are vast.

Never before has the world been so small. We can go on a business trip and “be home” via skype to read a bedtime story to the kiddos. We can “face time” family and friends from wherever we are in the world. 

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We can save the planet a little bit more by uploading a textbook on our phones instead of reading the real, printed version.

We can get the latest news without having to read a newspaper or turn on a TV.

We can share videos of natural disasters to learn from them and to warn those who might be in its path of destruction.

We can share do-it-yourself videos and recipes on YouTube to help others achieve similar or the same results.

So many advantages...and yet there are disadvantages, too.

When I taught you in high school, I was amazed and saddened how so many of you would write your assignments in texting language, like “UR”, “2nite”, “IMHO”, and “GR8”, instead of writing the proper word.

Some of you could text what seemed like one hundred words a minute, but couldn’t sign your names properly at the age of 17…one year away from adulthood.

A few of you could practically hack into the FBI mainframe database but couldn’t find the words to talk to that student sitting right next to you.

There were so many of you who shared way too much of your lives with people you never met before. You shared videos, posted pictures, made weird duck faces and laughed at the comments made by anonymous trolls.

Instead of watching the now numerous reality shows available, you are the star of your own reality show with just touch of a button on your phone.

Several of you could define “web words” and slang such as defrag, hot-spots, cached-out, or ping…but couldn’t explain the difference between their, they’re or there.

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Now don’t get me wrong. I’m not ragging on being tech-saavy. I love what technology does for us. I truly love how it does make the world a little smaller and how it can re-connect us with loved ones. 

I love how it allows us to take a sneak peek into the lives of people of different ethnicity, creeds, and religions, and has the potential to teach and preach tolerance and love. 

I love how I can type, better yet, speak an address into my phone and almost instantly receive driving directions to my next destination. 

I love how I can find recipes and find blog after blog written by amazing, uplifting people who help me be a better mother, wife, daughter, sister…a better me.

But there’s this nagging feeling that I have with technology and it has to do with lack of balance.

We need to balance our tech-lives with more moderation and with more wisdom. We need to be careful not to become so addicted that we lose sight of the incredible advantages our gadgets can provide.

As I sit back and think about how far we’ve come with technology, here are a few thoughts that come into my mind based on my real life experiences with observing you all . As we continue growing with our ever-changing technology, let’s KNOW how to use it:

K- Keep it real. I mean really real. Take a break from updating your Facebook status or playing one more “instance” in your role-playing game of choice and try re-connecting with your RL (real-life) friends in other ways. Call a friend on the phone to hear their voice for a change (and to have them hear yours) instead of texting. Have a face-to-face conversation with a loved one. Send a handwritten note to someone who needs it. Have meaningful family time without glancing at and worrying about your phone.

N- Say “No” to divulging too much. Technology really is a double edged sword. Due to how small the world now seems, it gives us instant accessibility to anything and everything…and anything and everything has access to us. By being prudent in what we share online, we can protect ourselves a little more from others who want to gain access to us and to the people in our lives. Limit the personal information you share. Be respectful of others and don’t share their information or pictures, either (without permission). Be safe and selective of what you share. Don’t be impulsive. You never know what will come back to haunt you 10 or 15 years from now when you’re trying to land that dream job or when your own children start to “google” your name.

O- Be open with your parents about the information coming to you via your phone (and what you’re sharing, too). A lot of kids forget that their parents care about them. Truly care and love them. One of the worst things kids do is make choices that alienate themselves from their parents and families or make choices that make their parents distrust them. When inappropriate comments, pictures or other information are coming your way, have the courage to be open with your parents. Talk to them. Also, it’s important to note that cyber-bullying is a huge threat today with real consequences for some teens and their families. Your parents can be huge components and catalysts to helping you get the negative out and the positive back into your life.  

W- Be weary of who you give your number to. This is similar to not divulging too much of your personal life with others. If you start to give your cell phone number to everyone, everyone has access to you. That means they can potentially harass you by sending pictures or messages you don’t want to see and read (until you block their number). Remember, even private texts can become public. Don’t respond to people you don’t know, either. I'm not saying never share your number with anyone...just be sensible.

If you've already made some mistakes, learn from them. Be an agent of accountability and responsibility. Act for yourself, rather than be acted upon by others. Just use that good ol' noggin and KNOW what you're getting into. 

With love,

Someone who cares: Your former teacher and...for a couple of you, your loving mom

My Phone. My Precious.

Our smart phones are the number one form of technology in our home. They sometimes become an issue. Sometimes while managing my online shop and responding to customer inquiries, I become a partial zombie to the world around me. I am more easily frustrated with my Steve when I’m busy-ing away on my phone. I get more stressed out if Jesse is doing something that would normally bug me just a little.

When I set my phone down, I’m back to “me-mode.” I am more patient, more attentive, and more involved. For this reason, I have decided to set times of the day when I check my phone. For example, I’ve considered checking my email accounts, Facebook, customer messages, and other apps first thing in the morning, during Jesse’s nap in the afternoon, and in the evening after Jesse goes to bed. Of course, there will always be exceptions. Calls are okay. Texting is to be limited. I use productivity apps throughout the day without a problem. Like checklists, reminders, and project apps.  

I don’t play any online games, on my phone, computer, or TV screen, but I do have Fisher Price Apps installed on my phone for Jesse, my 2 year old. I even have a Fisher Price monkey that comes with an iPhone box that protects the screen from the ocean of drool that constantly falls from his mouth. Steve enjoys game apps and computer games as well.

I am always weary of Jesse’s dependence on my phone to be happy. He lights up when I pull out my phone and he hears the Fisher Price start up tune begin to play. He claps enthusiastically, his smile spreads across his innocent face, and his eyes open wide in anticipation. I love to see his excitement! At the same time, I worry that he will come to heavily rely on these phone games for amusement.

Part of these feelings stem from my own nostalgia with my own experiences with education and leisure activities growing up. I loved me a good ol’ solid book! I love the touch of the pages on my fingers, the smell, and the satisfaction I feel when reading the last page. I’m often thinking, I have to read more books with Jesse! Not just at night! This requires me to sit down with him, forget about the busy world around us, and just read. It requires me to wrap my hand around his tiny hand and prompt him to point at the silly and colorful images. I need to be patient as he bangs away on the book and flips the pages prematurely. It requires me to make interesting sounds and have a luring narrative voice, otherwise he squirms in frustration. I imagine that if he could talk, he’d say “Why are we staring at this piece of board, and why are you talking so much? Hand me your iPhone and start that fun numbers game, with the colorful, moving pictures and catchy tunes!” This requires time. It requires patience. It’s a much different experience than handing him my phone. BUT! It requires togetherness. Which is what I love.

I have come to accept that education via smart phones, tablets, and computer monitors is an integrated part of our fast paced and ever changing world. I know that when Jesse goes to school, he will most likely own his own tablet and smart phone. For this reason, I set my nostalgia aside and embrace education via technology. After all, after unsuccessfully trying for months to get Jesse to point at picture in a book, he finally isolated his finger and swiped the images on my phone’s image gallery to see the next picture. I was utterly amazed. This is when the technology craze started in his little mind. The excitement. The ease. The control. The sense of achievement. He now plays his Fisher Price games while I cook dinner every evening, and all the while he looks up at me to make sure I’m watching. He looks up at me with eager eyes. I smile. I clap. I say “Wow! Good job!” He claps and smiles in satisfaction. He looks down and plays some more, pointing away. Happy as can be.

For a short while I would pull out my phone when I couldn’t get Jesse to calm down and stop crying. Then I realized that I wasn’t doing myself any favors. I realized that this sort of behavior wouldn’t stop if I gave in by rewarding him for his tantrums and bad behavior. What I do now is sit him up, distract him by bringing out a toy. I try to talk to him and be silly to make him happy. I give him a high five or tickle his feet. Then I show him my phone and ask him if he’d like to “play phone.” Only then do I allow him to play. So I try to separate the bad behavior from the fun game. It’s not always easy! Sometimes, I never get to the “play phone” part, but I have to set boundaries, right?

I haven’t successfully enforced our much needed “no technology during dinner” rule in our home, especially since we love to watch our favorite shows during dinner. We LOVE Suits, Kitchen Nightmares, and Master Chef. We are also Burn Notice fanatics. We watch our shows via a device called Roku on our TV. It’s basically internet TV, but the interface is made for easy and convenient control of all of your favorite movies and shows. It’s a small black box you attach to the back of your TV. You can load Apps onto it, like Spotify, Hulu Plus, and even games, like Angry Birds. The remote is Bluetooth and Wi-Fi enabled and works like a Wii remote when you’re playing games. You can even plug in your earphones directly into the remote if needed. If someone is noisily doing the dishes in the kitchen and you can’t hear the TV, you can just plug it in! You can also access files from your home computer and play them on your TV screen via your Roku device. I like Roku as opposed to regular cable or satellite TV because it doesn’t promote couch-potato-ing.  You know what you want to watch. You watch it. You’re done. You move with your day. Geez. I sound like I’m getting paid to talk about Roku. Sorry! I’m not. I just really like it. Either way, I’d like my family’s dinner time to be strictly personal. No phones. No TV. Just quality face time. And no, Apple’s Face-Time doesn’t count.

In our home, we embrace technology. Admittedly, it has occasionally become the source of disagreements arguments, and negativity. For this reason, I understand that boundaries must be set and every member has to be willing to stick to the rules. We can continue to search for the newest phones, the fastest internet and computers, the smoothest working tablets, the highest functioning apps, and the best gaming consoles. We just have to remember that the person in front of us is more important than the device in your hands. People matter. Love matters. Relationship growth matters. If technology is interfering with the growth of a relationship and the overall health of our family, then maybe it’s time for some boundaries and rules. If we ever find ourselves forebodingly hovered over our phone, protecting it like a paranoiac, hissing “my precious,” maybe it’s time for some outside help. An intervention, possibly? People are precious. Perhaps people may prepare you to prance away from your phone. Perchance?

What is one negative thing that technology brings to your family? Does your phone ever prevent you from staying in your “me-mode”? Have you found a solution? How about a positive thing? What are some of your favorite productivity apps or favorite family technology pastimes? We want to know about technology in your life! Comment below! I want to know! (:

 

The Digital Double-Edged Sword

This week’s topic could not have come at a better time.  As I sit semi-barricaded in our office after having a semi-humorous/semi-serious discussion with my husband about the location of our desktop computer, I have to admit I can definitely see where people come from when discussing how technology can have serious damaging effects and over-all negative consequences on the family.

(Disclaimer: no we were not fighting- but if he wasn't so darn cute we might have.)

My husband and I have also recently debated the concept of having a screen-free day once a week where we spend as much time as possible off our phones, tablets, computers, and television as possible.  I love the idea- and in my heart of hearts I truly think it will be for the best once we get it going… but getting there is another story altogether. 

{Image Source: Here}

{Image Source: Here}

You see, Brandon and I are both technology lovers. I don’t consider myself to be a technological expert by any means- but I do consider myself fairly tech-savvy.  I may or may not have rescued no less than three laptops during pre-planning week at my school.  I feel confident in using technology as a resource in my classroom, and I’m often right alongside my students in their excitement for new technological releases.  And in my home?  Let’s just say that if we were to give away all our unnecessary pieces of technology… our home would feel very empty indeed.

{Image Source: Here }

Now that I’ve asserted my love for all things internet-compatible… I have to also add that if my iPhone were a leather couch, my butt-print would be securely indented on the center cushion for all the world to see.  I’m seriously on that beast TWENTY.FOUR.SEVEN.  Like… it’s ridiculous.  Between the regular calling and texting (regular phone stuff) it is also my Camera, GPS, Grocerylist, Recipebook, To-Do list, Family Calendar, Timer, Baby-book memory saver, Mirror, Newspaper, Game-center, Poetry notepad, Information resource, Music Player- and So. Much. More!  

(Not to mention of course Facebook, Instagram, and Pinterest. Hah)

So… with my smart-phone dependence noted, I’m unfortunately obligated to share this little gem my mom posted on her Facebook the other day.

(Please note the youtube video doesn't show on mobile devices for some reason.)

 So- Let's reflect.

How I imagine you’re “supposed” to feel watching this clip:

“Oh wow… look at all those people missing-out on life’s precious moments.  They are so busy on their phones to even notice what’s going on around them.”

How I *actually* feel watching this clip:

“Oh wow… look at that poor girl missing-out on fully enjoying/sharing/remembering life’s precious moments.  She is so busy feeling depressed and out of the loop to even enjoy what’s going on around her.”

I guess what I’m trying to say- is technology really is one of life’s sharpest double-edged swords. 

As technology grows and develops, it continues to have an everlasting impact on our daily lives- whether we want it to or not.  It gives us the opportunity to interact, learn, and share in a way that was never before possible.  It increases efficiency and accuracy.  We can communicate through texts, e-mails, phone calls, face-time, video chats, instant messaging, and so much more with all our friends and loved ones- no matter the distance.

{Image Source: Here}

Our world is shrinking daily.  We find ourselves able to reach our friends, family, and even strangers across the globe with the click of a mouse; the tap of a touch-screen. It's an AMAZING thing.  Not only does this "shrinking world" have fantastic benefits for the world of business, but it's a blessing for families too.  Deployed soldiers in foreign countries video-chatting with their sweethearts, out-of-state grandparents hearing the voice of their grandchildren, working parents receiving text-pictures of their children on their lunch breaks.

And yet- we may find ourselves becoming increasingly more distant from those closest to us physically.  I don't think the late-night (or weekend morning) home with curtains closed and family members spread sporadically throughout the house- faces illuminated with their various screens.

Check out this still-frame from one of my favorite shows "Modern Family".  Here Phil (the dad) and his three children enjoy some "quality family time" while mom is away.
Like so many other scenes in the show- we laughed at this part... because even though we feel guilty admitting it, we could relate.  And suddenly we realize we aren't alone.

In conclusion- when writing on the topic of  "technology and the family" I find myself just as "double-edged" as the sword I mentioned earlier.  I'm not entirely convinced that technology is really the biggest family-foe it's made out to be... but I do believe we have to be careful.  

I hope this image I found on google-search doesn't offend anyone; but I feel like it has a powerful message.
We can't be fooled by the "good intentions" of time-suckers like smartphones and gaming systems.  

All things in moderation.

It's so easy to slip into an internet coma.  (Wait.. how many hours have I been on Pinterest?!)
It's so easy to answer that one text (Sorry- what did you say? Someone was texting me.)
It's so easy to stay up late finishing that blog post (It has a good message- just a few more sentences!)

And while we're there...while we may be taking in so much...we're also missing things.  We need to be incredibly cautious with how we are spending our time.

{Source}

I don't want to be like the old ladies who couldn't figure out how to program their VCR- but I'm also not sure I want my tombstone to read:

"Jessica- quick-texting mother and tech-savvy wife who saw every LOLcat Meme before you did."

Our time here is precious.  There are many wonderful and worthwhile doors technology can open for us, but we need to remember that there are some equally if not more wonderful and worthwhile doors right here- in "real" life.  It's up to us to use our judgement when deciding how much tech-time is too much.


And for tonight... I think I've had enough.
Time to plug-in the iPhone to charge, and snuggle under the covers.
Tomorrow is a new day.