The “Me” behind the Mom. For me there is no difference….

My name is Rebecca Torres. I will be filling in for Bianca for a few weeks.

I am honored to have been asked to be apart of this blog…..even if it’s just for a little while.

I’ve milled over this subject for over a week now. Trying to figure out which angle to approach it as if entering into a battle, which is very much how I approach motherhood …some days. Most days however, it is spent just how I imagined it when I was playing house as a small child. I spend my days playing, snuggling, teaching, correcting, smooching, frequently whispering “I wuv you” to each of the three kids, not to mention changing diapers, potty training, cleaning the house, and doing the laundry. On the days of battle I find myself yelling, repeating myself over and over, and often crying….nobody told me those days would happen!

I can remember dreaming about becoming a mother even as a small child. I LOVED to play house and I was always the Mommy. As I got older I had other dreams of becoming a vet, a pediatrician and even a teacher, but even as I pursued a college education to become an elementary education teacher it didn’t fulfill me as I knew my dream of becoming a mother would. I dropped out of college after my first semester. At first I was disappointed in myself, but I wasn’t sure what to do with my life as far as education goes and I felt it a waste of time and money for me to pursue something I wasn’t passionate about. So I worked for two years, served a mission for my church, and worked some more…

I spent a lot of time working, babysitting, developing new skills and hobbies and trying to “find me”. In the pursuit of “finding me” I also dated…..a lot. I always had this running list of the “perfect” man and these poor guys just never measured up. I guess every girl has their own list, but mine had these qualities:

1. Loves God
2. Loves his family
3. Wanted to be a Dad
4. Ambitious
5. Smart
6. Motivated
7. Always improving himself
8. Good looking

Bonus: Spoke a foreign language ; )

I don’t think that’s asking too much…..do you? :P

Little did I know that with each guy I dated I got closer and closer to the “perfect” guy for me. On July 7, 2008 I decided to take a chance and signed up on www.ldsplanet.com. I had dated my fair share of guys in my single adult group in "small town", Kentucky and well, lets just say that the “pickins” were slim. The same day that I signed up, I sent “jtorres” from Orlando, FL (he's originally from Madrid, Spain) a simple message and much to my surprise he responded. Long story short…..we met in person at the end of August, engaged in September, in January 2009 I moved to Florida and on January 31^st, 2009 I married Jonathan Alejandro Torres, my Spanish Knight in Shining Armor (well, he did go to UCF anyways! lol).

Since then, life has been a whirlwind. In April of 2009 we became pregnant. In June my husband had to rush me to the emergency room. We thought we were losing our baby. After an ultrasound, the doctor came in to inform us that we were having twins. Yes, you read that correctly. Twins.  Their heart beats were strong and nothing was wrong with the pregnancy. When we called to tell my parents, my dad jokingly said, “They just wanted you to know they were there.”
The rest of the pregnancy went relatively smooth and I delivered Joaquin and Anna via c-section at 38 ½ weeks after enduring 22+ hrs of labor.





34 wks with the twins. I got SO big

after this that I stopped taking pictures! :P

I must say that nothing else I’ve accomplished in life could ever compare to that moment of holding both of my babies in my arms and becoming a mother for the first time. There is nothing greater in this life than to be a mother. I may not have a college education, but that day I gained my M.O.M and no one can take that away from me.

Holding both of my babies after 22 hours of labor with contractions 5 minutes apart

and no progress that ended up as a C-section. I would do it all over again.

I loved being a Mom so much. I cried a lot their first year of life. Mostly from pure exhaustion. Mostly when they were both crying at the same time and nothing I did would console them other than holding them……at the same time. I had dreamt of motherhood for so much of my life, but never had I imagined that God would bless me with arms as full as my heart.

Best feeling ever......I miss this.

When the twins were just 10 months old I became pregnant again. It wasn’t a surprise, but we didn’t think we’d get pregnant so soon. We were blessed with a little girl, Mia.

So grateful for this sweet little one.

When she was born the twins were only 19 ½ months old. It was all so overwhelming. I had no idea how in the world I was going to balance it all. I did a lot of praying…..and still do….especially now that we are expecting our fourth. :D

When I was growing up I got to see my sisters all becoming mothers. I had my ideas of how things were going to be for me as a mom. I judged my sisters a lot. I thought some of the things they did should have been done differently. Through the past three years I have found myself eating a lot of my own words. Nothing in this life will ever be perfect. Mediocre days are okay….and sometimes a blessing.  The laundry isn’t always going to be done, the dishes can sit in the sink, and the crumbs can stay where they are. Children really do grow up fast. Husbands really do need to be loved and us Moms really do need to take care of ourselves so that we can take care of everyone else.

So now, when I look in the mirror trying to figure out who that woman is staring back at me with those dark circles, saggy skin, lack luster hair, and bad wardrobe……I am reminded that that woman has everything my 18 year old self dreamt about.

Me. The Mom. To me there is no difference.